Holding onto a memory
by Sammy088
Summary: If it's one thing Sam never thought of, it would be actually dying. He had died in the past but it hadn't been permanent and it was the last thing on his mind whilst dealing with the apocalypse. He hadn't thought he would ever fall in love though. Or that there would ever come a time that it would be either him or his unborn baby. His and Gabriel's baby boy. Gabriel/Sam Cas/Dean
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter One**

Sam awoke with a start.

He knew he wasn't alone even though he had to really squint to be able to see in the dark. Going for the knife under his pillow, he tried to determine where he thought it might be. Giving up, he turned on the lamp on the bed side table, only to be jumped from behind and pinned to the mattress, much to his surprise.

"I'm a little surprised that you became a little slow there kiddo."

Sam only grit his teeth in reply.

He didn't want to admit to the trickster that it was only because he was wallowing over what Dean had told him. Even though he knew that what he did must have been even unforgivable in his brother's eyes, he hadn't expected the older Winchester to tell him to pick a hemisphere and stay on the opposite side of his brother. He was let go to his surprise and looking at the trickster; he could tell he was in deep thought with a small frown growing on his face.

"It's not fun when you don't react," he muttered slowly.

"I'm sorry I'm not much in the mood right now. If you want to torture someone right now, it'd be best to find someone who is able to take it, right?"

The trickster's frown just deepened.

"You misheard what I told you before silly goose. I like you. Why would I pick on someone who I didn't like?"

It was Sam's turn to frown.

"Why would you pick on me if you liked me so much?"

"I don't know about you but I do know that anybody who has ever liked somebody picked on them to show affection."

Now Sam was really confused.

"So tricksters show that they like somebody by sticking their brother in a time loop to die every single Tuesday?"

"Details but it was best he was knocked down a peg or two. He would have still gone around thinking he was God's gift to man if he weren't taught a little lesson."

"The lesson wasn't little," Sam replied with a frown. "And just so you know, he still believes that."

The trickster smirked and Sam found himself giving a small smile back until the trickster looked away in disappointment bringing the frown to Sam's face once again.

"That didn't work like I expected it too. How's this? Did it hurt?"

Sam looked at him like he'd gone crazy which would've been possible although he hadn't known any supernatural monster that was entirely sane except maybe Madison. He didn't think Ruby was but it turned out manipulation went a long way to get the goals they wanted to satisfaction and Sam was even more stupid than he had even thought.

"You're gonna need to be more specific," Sam finally said even though he wondered if it was the Trickster wanting to brag about something he did or accomplished. Although he didn't seem the type, he only stated facts as far as he was concerned and knocked down people who were far up on their pedestal to think they were above law itself.

"Did it hurt," The trickster repeated wiggling his eyebrows continuing as Sam rolled his eyes. "When you fell from heaven?"

Sam looked at him in surprised shock before letting out a startled laugh. He didn't know if it was the irony in it that had made him start to laugh or the fact that he said it with a straight face but before he knew it, he was laughing more than he did in months.

"See there it is. You should smile more," The trickster replied with such enthusiasm that Sam looked at him thoughtfully and definitely in a more different light than when he had first announced his entrance.

"So what got you coming into this small town? Don't tell me you're killing more dicks." Sam didn't know why he cared but the trickster shouldn't put himself to their level and for some reason Sam wanted to make sure that that didn't happen.

"Nah, nothing really bad here although the motel owner selling crap chocolate and warm beer. Can you imagine that? Not that I'd be surprised-"

"So being the troublesome instigator that you are you?" Sam looked at him and the trickster sighed.

"I put some moose head in his bed," the trickster admitted shamelessly.

Sam laughed again.

"So how long do we have until he finds out?"

"Not for a couple more hours. See he goes out and gets drunk at the bar. He's going to be hitting on women and pressuring them into going home with him. He goes with men too but so far he hasn't intimidated them that far yet. Anyways when that happens he's going to come home and find out that somebody, namely myself, left him a unique gift."

"Well it's a step up from killing people at least," Sam admitted. At the trickster's look he continued. "Come on, yes I know they're dicks and they do bad things but don't you think that is bad when you put yourself down to their level. That's why they aren't punished in life in the first place."

"Really I'd like to know where God fits into all this," the trickster said amusedly, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips and giving Sam the inspiration to continue in his explanation.

"If God went and took the bad people from earth now, do you think they would learn their lesson and not possibly turn around and ask for his forgiveness or find religion in his name? No and the point of living life is overcoming its challenges. If they are unashamed in the crimes they've done, they have to live with it for life. And they will be judged when they die. They are judged for every bad thing they did and didn't regret and ask for forgiveness for. They-"

"Don't you think that maybe God doesn't care anymore?" the trickster asked seriously.

"WHAT! God gives us free will and choices to do what we want. It's our choice if we follow his word or not."

"I wish I could accept your view so easily. I have trouble believing it though. Like why do bad things happen to good people?" Contrary to what he was saying, Sam sensed that he seemed really curious on his views.

"I think the reason it does isn't because God hates us. God tests us; I think he tests his angels as well. Can't have angels that lost faith in him right? It's the same here on earth. He gives us challenges but no more than we could bear and we have to have faith in him to overcome them-"

He frowned when he found the trickster smirking and glared wondering why he would do that. The demigod was annoying but he wasn't so bad right now.

"I think you are making yourself to be bad for a reason then," At Sam's insistent frown, the trickster went on. "You say that God challenges us, he gave you a lot of bad stuff that you overcame. He tests you and your brother and so far, I don't know but it looks like that humans still make mistakes and you did the best you could. You have regrets and I'll be damned if you don't ask for forgiveness when you pray every night."

"How'd you know that-"

"I guessed and now we should stop talking about religion. This makes me think of Lucy-"

"Like the show?" Sam couldn't imagine the demigod thinking about the real devil. He was from Norse Mythology so anything that came up in the Christian apocalypse wouldn't bother him too much right now.

"You're too cute, you know that. But shush, I think I spy with my little eyes something blue."

"You do realize I'm a little too old to play-oomph!"

If there was anything he expected, it was not to find the trickster above him and straddling his hips. Groaning, he went to buck him off only to realize that the chance of that happening wasn't too good right now. Instead, he settled for glaring.

"God, get off me trickster!"

The trickster frowned.

"First off if you want to call me by name you can call me Loki, I think you've overused the word trickster both in your mind and out loud and no I didn't read your mind but I didn't need to. Second, let's leave God out of the bedroom. Even I don't mention John Winchester anywhere in the vicinity of the bed. Third, let loose a little, I find you cute and you really don't think I'm ugly, do you?"

"What does God have to do with-"he was cut off by Loki's mouth pressing against his and before he lost all thought, he berated himself for choosing to ask that question before it was shoved in the back of his mind when the demigod pushed his tongue in Sam's willing mouth.

"I think you are going to be in for a wild night kiddo."

Sam was going to speak up and tell him he didn't do wild. Maybe he would be more willing had he not learned his lesson about sleeping with the supernatural like Ruby and even Madison. He stopped after a moment and couldn't even find it in himself to admit that he didn't want this anymore when in fact he was interested in the opposite. He was just willing to see how far this would go.

"Do me a favor first," Loki whispered in his ear as he tongued the shell of his ear making Sam shudder in delight.

"Yeah."

"I like you like I said before and you must really like me to allow this but don't you ever ever fall for me, gotcha kiddo. Just say yes and we can continue."

Sam nodded, shuddering as Loki sucked down his throat.

He wished he could tell him but he didn't think it was possible. He didn't even know if he did but seeing as how Loki was not judging him and he knew this wasn't just him being grateful, he was thinking that maybe he did feel a little something for the demigod. He didn't hate him but the strange feeling in his heart couldn't rule out anything else either. He would just keep quiet though and Loki wouldn't know the difference. There was no way he could anyhow.

Right?

* * *

The scream woke Sam up before he could even remember when he fell asleep. He was dressed and out the door by the time the manager stomped by and glared at him fleetingly as though he must've been behind it. Sam walked up to the main office and decided that maybe it was best to check out, especially since after the manager had stopped glaring he gave him the look over. Sam was definitely not interested in the man.

"Can I ask what happened?" Sam was a little curious and he had to admit that the young girl at the front counter seemed content.

"You'd never believe it, the lady that came home with the manager found a moose's head in his bed and you probably don't know the girl but she was really against the killing of innocent moose and-well you probably know what happened then."

"Wow does that happen often?"

The girl laughed.

"I'm his only daughter and I think the man's a jerk but just between you and me, I think justice was actually served today. Now he won't think about rough handling anything that moves and there won't be any rape charges, thank God."

"Yeah," Sam quickly made a show of being in a hurry after that even though he surely knew the girl wasn't ugly. She even gave him the look over as well but in the end he knew he had to take off to save his sanity. It didn't stop him from smiling as he got back to the car. Looking over at the caller id on his cell phone when it started to ring, he wondered why Dean was calling him all of a sudden.

The guy told him to pick the opposite hemisphere and as far as he could tell, that meant that Dean wasn't interested in talking to him either although he could be wrong. He didn't know whether it would be bad though and after a paused hesitation, he stowed the phone in his pocket and ignored it although a part hoped Dean really wanted to talk things out. He couldn't risk that right now though and instead made a show of concentrating on the stretch of road ahead of him.

"So Deano finally wants to talk and you decide that no you don't want to anymore."

Sam jumped and almost swerved the car off the road before getting ahold of himself at the last-minute, glaring at Loki who happened to be smirking from the passenger seat. He was so going to be killed by Dean, he thought. If Loki didn't get him killed first and he wondered why he even fell for the demigod before shaking his head. He didn't want to visit those particular thoughts right now and especially when Loki told him that he shouldn't fall for him. That actually brought up the question though.

"Why don't you want me to fall for you anyways? You said you yourself liked me."

"Maybe the consequences would be worse than I could imagine and I don't want you to suffer those side effects. Besides it would kind of be hard to actually fall for me under one conversation and you certainly didn't like me at first sight so I think we're safe." Sam nodded, noting that he was being as cryptic as possible. Loki snapped in a snickers bar and offered Sam one to which he refused. The demigod just shrugged before continuing.

"Besides even though I know it's hard not to fall for me, I'm not known to hold a relationship long anyways. I mean there were decades of relationships but they died. Always the worst imaginable way. You familiar with the coat hanger method?"

"Of what?" Sam had an idea but he couldn't believe he was bringing it up.

"Yeah lost someone I liked that way. Very horrible. Baby would be more than two centuries old by now had she not. But the gal had to like me and thought she could like me more without a baby especially since you know, she would bring shame upon her family if they found out about a baby out-of-wedlock type thing."

"I'm sorry," Sam couldn't think of anything more horrifying. "So anything else ever happened like that?"

"Like the hanger incident? No but there was child-birth and of course there was the murders, oh no the murders. One committed suicide, she thought it was more than one night-"

"Be truthful. I could tell that you made those up especially since you wouldn't share it with me if it really had happened."

"True, but can you really think of why I don't want to tell you anything? Because if I did, I'd have to kill you."

"Very funny James Bond now why don't you start with something that isn't nonsense or lies."

Loki actually laughed.

"Okay I have a weakness for someone. Well she's another pagan; you may know her as Kali the destroyer."

"Really?" Sam asked and Loki nodded.

"The babe was all hands, it was great."

Sam stayed silent for a moment and reveled in what it was like to actually love someone like Loki. He knew that the demigod was and could be annoying, anyone who dealt with him long enough knew that but he felt that he was missing something. He thought he knew love, he thought he'd be with Jess a while back and have those kids and white picket fence with a dog included in there somewhere. Where that ended though, he thought he really wouldn't find anything like that. Looking over, he wondered if Loki had ever experienced anything like that. Turning back to the road, he couldn't help but think that he shouldn't be deceitful when just the whole night had been spent with him changing his mind about the trickster and thinking he could have some seriously deep feelings somewhere there. He was definitely happier this morning with the trickster in the car. And last night had been good. It definitely wasn't bad.

"So you calling your brother? He's been trying to get ahold of you all morning and it seems important."

"My brother has Castiel."

He didn't complain and he wasn't now. He did not just sound like he was whining and thankfully, Loki just ignored what it sounded like and plunged into the real issue although Sam was a little put out that he had his phone in the first place.

"He needs you though and you're his brother. Castiel doesn't know those corny references that you do and you keep him in line. Ignore the fact that your brother and that angel seem to do a lot of eye fucking. You should be there just so that you can just tell him to fucking fuck already."

"But what if I mess up again. I already can't live with myself for bringing Lucifer topside-"

"Don't think of that. Think of it this way. You need in because you need to right your mistake. You make it you fix it and that's all there is too it. Your brother loves you a lot and if he didn't he wouldn't have given his life for you in the first place."

"One of these days you are going to tell me how you know so much about us." Sam replied with an eye roll.

"Simple, I read the books."

"Yeah true but it doesn't have Castiel in i-it." The demigod was gone.

Sam didn't want to admit that he was disappointed that they couldn't talk more. He did however take his phone and flip it open.

"Hello? Dean, yeah I'm here."

His conversation just proved the point that he owed Loki again. His fears were unfounded and the bunch of bull he talked about put him more at ease than he would have been when he talked Dean without it.

One thing was certain though and he knew he was in trouble because he didn't know what demigods did when people lied to them but he knew it was impossible to deny it now.

He was in love with the trickster.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

The case had been mostly uneventful except when Dean decided to put his two sense in about Sam's mistakes but that righted itself out after they took out that fake Paris Hilton. He had to admit though that he would have been better had he didn't literally think he was dying the next morning.

Dean snorted with laughter thinking that it was a bacon cheeseburger of all things that had caused Sam to make a sprint towards the bathroom although Sam may have told him something along the lines of dying real slowly from the inside out. It didn't stop Dean from listing off all the greasy foods he could off the top of his head.

"Did anyone tell you that you're certainly annoying this morning?"

"Nobody seemed to pass the memo that you could still get a kick ass flu."

"And yet I keep telling you I don't. Just some weird upset stomach. I don't even have a fever."

Dean snorted again.

"You have an upset stomach because you eat all that rabbit food. And don't deny it. If you ate food like me once in a while, you wouldn't have this problem."

Sam groaned and found himself upchucking at just the image alone. Dean couldn't help but smile and take another bite of his burger although if it kept up, he was going to make Sam lay down for the rest of the day. He was stopped from stating his opinion on what he thought Sam may have when Castiel appeared right in the hotel room.

"Thank God, you couldn't have had come at a better moment." Cas beamed until he saw Sam sitting with his head on the rim of the toilet and frowned.

"Is he hurt?"

"No he just has some kind of bug."

"I don't understand, if he has some kind of bug that would mean-"

"No just an upset stomach Cas and a case of an annoying older brother who thinks it's hilarious to show me greasy food when I can't even stomach any."

"Is he feverish Dean?"

Dean found himself snorting for the third time but he shook his head. Sam wasn't sick, it was weird. It hit him out of nowhere and Sam was slowly gaining color back in his face though so it could be almost over. Glancing at the clock, he hated the fact that it had to last until eleven thirty when they could already be out of the stuffy motel room by now.

Cas seemed to find that poking around would help and even though he took his finger away, he didn't seem to find anything wrong except of course, that he was vomiting up last night's dinner. Thinking about that really didn't prove to help anything so Dean concentrated on finishing his sandwich until Sam was a hundred percent sure he wasn't going to puke so that the car could be spared the mess. He didn't need his baby reeking of vomit.

"So what do we have Cas?"

Rolling his eyes, he pointed behind him and said rather irritably, "Rapunzel is almost done dramatizing his stomach ache and then we could hit the road. He doesn't have a fever, he's not coughing, and he isn't affected by any allergies. I think he'll be fine as long as he doesn't puke in my baby."

Cas tipped his head sideways and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Just tell us about the case alr-UGH! Hold on for a minute Cas." Dean answered his cell phone and it seemed almost instantaneously that Cas was looking elsewhere and Sam found himself very curious as to who Dean was talking too.

"It's Lisa. They hooked up and she knows about everything but it's okay. I don't think she holds a grudge to anything."

"Lisa as in the Lisa he's previously dated?" Sam asked in awe.

Cas nodded.

Sam shook his head.

He was as miserable as hell and yet Dean was ignoring his attraction to Cas for the sake of the brunette he wanted to hold close to for some reason.

"Sorry Castiel."

Cas seemed confused by what Sam meant by that but Sam just leant over the toilet feeling nauseous again. He was able to keep himself from throwing up though and considered himself over the weird bout when Dean disconnected with his girlfriend.

"What is it?" Dean asked seeing Sam's look.

Sam looked at him in wonderment.

"I think I'm hungry now."

This was certainly weird since he just got over a thirty minute interval of doing nothing but throwing up but Dean just shook that away and started packing things. He stopped and paused just glaring at Sam who tested his limbs to make sure he wasn't going to face plant as soon as he managed to stand up.

"Seriously grandpa we can go as soon as you get your slow ass to the car," Dean turned around and went back to packing the bag and Sam would have done the same but Cas had already had that all set.

"Uh, thanks Castiel," Sam managed blinking.

"It's no problem Sam; you shouldn't be doing much if you are getting sick."

"He's not getting sick; he's being a wimp and throwing up the incredible good taco he had last night," Dean said with a appraised smirk that belayed what he had said until of course, Sam clapped a hand to his mouth and went to throw up again.

And if Sam missed by a couple inches, who was Dean to judge? It wasn't his baby at least and Sam knew he was dead if he did it in there.

So when they left another thirty minutes later, Dean didn't even complain when Sam picked out a salad and a simple bottle of water because really, if he had to choose, he would rather Sam stopped puking.

He'd still have time to make fun of him for it later anyways.

* * *

_What are you wearing?_

If Sam knew that Loki had punched his number into Sam's phone, Sam probably would have wondered what his intentions were. Looking at the message though, he rolled his eyes and watched as Dean left the shower freshly shaven and already dressed to go get lunch. Sam was willing to stay behind and find out what it was they were going after this time around. Too bad Cas was still taking the being turned into an action figure to heart. The antichrist got away though and hopefully he really would do the opposite of what Sam did when stuck in similar decisions. God knew he tried to do good and didn't know he had been falling into a trap and Dean told him it wasn't entirely his fault either. Sam just hadn't believed it yet. The day would come though when he could rectify those mistakes.

_Clothes hot shot. Aren't you wearing some?_

"Sam what do you want? I can't spend all day wondering if you want soup or salad-"

"Pork," Sam quickly replied. The craving was going to kill him and finally out of need to cease it, he decided it was best to get rid of it the best way possible, by actually having some.

"You sure you won't be sick?" Dean asked hesitantly.

"No, I want some." Dean rolled his eyes at that comment and decided to leave the comments alone for now.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, smother it in barbeque sauce and brown gravy."

Dean halted wondering if his brother was getting him back for naming all those greasy foods when he was getting sick. He didn't think so but his brother didn't ask for pork on a daily basis, especially smothered in two sauces.

"Any side orders?" Dean didn't really want to ask but felt compelled now.

"Yeah, sweet potatoes and yams. Oh and smother them in brown gravy too. If they have mashed potatoes, that too. And uh, a lemonade."

"Right so you want Pork smothered in barbeque sauce and brown gravy, you also want yams, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, but only smothered in brown gravy and then lemonade?"

"Smother the rest in barbeque sauce as well. Can you make sure it's the sweet and sour kind?"

"Sam you are suddenly wanting very sweet things. Should I be worried that the trickster is behind this?"

"No," Sam replied with a frown. "You asked what I wanted and I told you."

Dean nodded with a sigh.

"Fine just don't, don't leave and keep your cell phone on you okay?"

Sam nodded.

Once Dean was gone, Sam happened to glance at his phone and bit his lip to keep from screaming in frustration.

_Are they smexy clothes or are you wearing the pink shirt with the nerdy looking pants again? _

Sam never felt the need to bang his head so much in one day before.

There were exceptions for everything of course.

* * *

Dean woke up to vomiting and would've groaned but remembered what he had told Sam earlier in the day. He got out his phone to check for any unchecked messages before going over to see to Sam. Sam wasn't happy to know that Dean seemed to take comfort in him getting sick at eleven at night when he could be sleeping but ignored it when the need to throw up arose again.

"Why are you taking a picture Dean?"

"Because I'm a great brother and I told you not to eat that. That pork alone would give me stomach problems but you had to eat the whole damn thing, didn't you?"

"My body wanted it Dean and if I didn't eat it my body would've craved it more." Sam groaned, upchucking some more whilst Dean wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Yeah but you could have had half and left it alone-"

"I WAS HUNGRY DEAN! I'm never going to get to sleep at this point. I'm going to drown in the toilet all because my stomach wants to eat itself inside out-"

"Sam quit over exaggerating. I'm pretty sure this bout will be over soon. Bobby says we could be facing some kind of demon cult by the way."

"I still don't feel any better but then again, it could be because I'm literally expelling breakfast, lunch, and dinner right now." Sam groaned and threw up again although Dean noticed it was more stringy and that Sam truly didn't have much more left to throw up. He frowned but Sam continued with another groan. "I think I should write my will right now so that when I die, I don't miss anything."

"You aren't going to die Sam, I'm pretty sure Cas'll help long before you do. I think though that a hospital would be more equipped in getting you hydrated-"

"Nope, I'm not going even if you bash me over the head with some kind of pan. You wouldn't hit me on the head with the shot gun to put me out of my misery would you by any chance?"

Dean shook his head and Sam sighed, leaning over the toilet again.

"At least you're only dry heaving now. If I had to say anything about this weird shit, I'd say you got knocked up. If that were true I'd ask who you were having sex with."

Sam gave him a weird look and Dean crossed his arms, glaring at what Sam seemed to think was at least a little amusing. Having thrown up since eleven and seeing it was becoming even later, he decided he had the right to find amusement in something as long as it took his mind on what he had been doing.

"Not the details, I just want to know who my brother would've gotten knocked up by. It's incredibly hard though for males to get pregnant, thank God. I mean who would want to have that luck anyways? You have horrible morning sickness, you gain weight and look unattractive, and if that isn't bad enough, the unborn baby makes you crave weird shit."

"You act like you're pregnant all the time then," Sam replied, putting his forehead to the cool lid of the toilet. After hugging the toilet for a while, he stopped caring if it looked nasty, he finally stopped vomiting for fifteen minutes and it was twelve thirty. "Of course except for the fat part."

"Gee thanks Sam, at least I still fit in the same pants as I had this morning."

"I'm bloated, that's why. I think it really is a stomach virus," Sam admitted and Dean nodded.

"Or a case of repeated food poison."

Sam nodded although Dean was sure he wasn't thinking about the how more than he was the why. Sighing, he went over to the cabinets that they normally wouldn't use and found that they did at least have a pan there. He found the small garbage can worked better though and quickly led Sam back to the bed despite his protests that he's dying and let him lay down on his side with the trash can right next to him.

"Don't worry Sam, if you throw up again, there's the trash can. You need to sleep though so that we could get those stupid demons who thought it was smart to join a cult. We can get you more jeans that fit while we're out and you won't have to worry about the bloated feeling until the illness has passed okay?"

Sam nodded sleepily and rubbed his eyes reminding Dean of the sulky five year old that had rebelled against their dad's idea of sleeping in his own bed and would still sneak in with Dean when he knew their father wouldn't interfere. Looking back, Dean missed that innocence his younger brother had had. He had always wanted him to keep it for as long as he could and looking back, he was glad that he did have that for a while. Sighing, he moved Sam's hair from his sweaty brow and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Get some sleep younger brother," Dean whispered with a sigh seeing as how Sam was already out like a light.

At least one of them was going to get some sleep, he thought. He just sat there watching his younger brother's evening breathing, thankful that despite everything that happened, his brother was really fine. He didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't been and if he were to admit anything to Sam; he'd be pulling the stupid chick flick moment card. Truth be told though, he knew Sam didn't mean to raise the actual devil and he wondered if Sam's getting sick was more mental than it was physical or if it really was the food. He'd be willing to bet Sam still blamed himself though and he had to get Sam to realize that mistakes did happen.

Dean made one when he thought he would be fine without his brother and before that when he thought his brother would be fine without him. Sighing, he decided a little sleep wouldn't hurt even though it was one o'clock in the morning and he doubted they were going to be well rested to take on those demons.

"Could always get Cas to help us," he thought out loud.

At least then they wouldn't be there all alone and Dean liked having Cas nearby. He didn't know why but he did.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

The vomiting wasn't so bad after a couple of weeks and yet it didn't cease either. Getting his hopes up that it would not spring up again when he fell asleep seemed to not work, so here he was at 10:30 at night and still not feeling the need to sleep. There were other reasons as well. The so-called devil visited once or twice when he felt like it and the promises were always looking good but yet he knew saying yes wouldn't change anything. He still had Dean even if he never knew his mother and his father had been replaced by a drill sergeant long before he had died. So looking for the next hunt, Sam happened to hear the buzz of his phone. Snatching it up, he made sure Dean was still sleeping and then checked the message that he received.

_I have a feeling that you're bored. Let's make out._

Sam rolled his eyes and dropped the phone back onto the table. He was not simply going to make out with Loki. It was usually a code word anyways for sex and he was too tired for that. It figured though, Sam thought. He finally seemed to be getting rid of the strange stomach virus that all but died down a little but now that it was almost nonexistent, fatigue was setting in a mile long. It had to be because he lost a lot of sleep during the time he was hugging the toilet. Thinking on it, he picked his cell phone back up only to reply to the message.

_Is that the code for having sex? If I remember correctly, you called it fun time._

The town here was a bust and he could almost remember two weeks ago when He, Dean, Bobby had taken on the he witch. In the end he actually ended up feeling for the man. He was doing stuff that needed to stop yeah, but he did do nice stuff that made Sam realize he wasn't entirely heartless. It made him wonder briefly if Loki was just afraid to let himself get close to anyone. He hid behind his humor and if he wanted to really angst on it, he realized that a lot of the time was spent with the demigod trying to concentrate on making Sam feel better. It touched him, it really did and if he hadn't realized it then, he now knew how much he loved the demigod no matter how wrong it seemed.

_Baby we don't need fun time to have sex. How about you, me, and a nude beach? I promise I won't touch you….much._

Eying his phone, Sam rolled his eyes. The trickster was really something when he had enough spare time. Instead of answering the question, he replied with a change of subject.

_What are you doing right now?_

After a couple of minutes, it buzzed again and Sam smiled at what he saw.

_Finally you ask that! I was beginning to think you didn't care Mr. Sam-I-am! HA! I just taught respect to a cheating pedophile teacher! He wanted sex so bad; he's going to be getting it….in jail! : P_

Sam let out a snort and realizing he did it out loud, looked over to see his brother still in the throes of whatever it was he was dreaming about. He sure hoped that he wasn't dreaming of Lisa. It was obvious that he wasn't in love with her and it seemed that by means, he was staying. He was keeping it safe to keep his heart from getting broken but Sam knew that Cas liked him back and it was just so unfair.

_Dean is a stupid muttonhead that needs to stop hiding from himself and admit that he likes little ole Castiel._

Sam blinked and wondered momentarily if he had somehow gotten that thought to him on accident. He didn't know how but for some reason the trickster knew what he was thinking about and he wondered if he somehow looked into his mind even though he told him previously that it was something he'd never do.

_You look troubled and you seem to be only troubled when looking at your mutton head of a brother. And whenever you look at him, I know it's about the fact that little ole Castiel isn't with him because that would make big bro happy and you really would like him to have a happy ending. Did I get all that or did I miss some?_

Sam didn't even hesitate this time around and got straight to the point.

_You know where I am._

He waited for what felt like forever to get the next text and when he did, a smile broke through and he thought momentarily of just looking over but realized there may be a reason why the trickster was texting him and not doing anything more. He soon found out when Loki texted him again.

_I'm at the window._

_Of course I could come in but then we wouldn't really talk much and I've actually gotten to realize you are really nice to talk to. You listen. Well you read my texts and you don't annoy me like a lot of people. I always knew there was a reason I always liked you so much. And with your worries, I just can't wake up your big bro. Texting is nice though. Let's text some more until you get bored of me._

Sam knew that he wasn't going to budge after that and he texted him just random stuff he knew to which Loki always had a sarcastic or funny come back to it and it never ceased to make Sam more relaxed. He liked that. He was talking to someone who actually gave him the time of day other than Dean, Bobby, and even Cas on some days. More importantly, it made his heart twinge at the very thought that somebody could think of him wholeheartedly and prefer him over Dean. A lot of his friends had even preferred to talk to Dean when they were in school. Hell, his date to the prom ended up cheating on him for Dean.

_You'll keep me updated on the monster of the week? I know you could take care of yourself but with the apocalypse going nigh, I don't want to take any chances. Lucy can get somebody to rip you up._

Sam hesitated before pushing in a reply.

_I'm fine and if something comes that could change that quickly, I'll text you. I promise._

He didn't even have to blink before the next text was there.

_Good night._

Sam fingers paused above the keys before he too wished the mischievous Loki a good night as well. He no longer saw the trickster's shape near the window or in the vicinity and knew he was gone already. Glancing at the clock, he realized that it was already one a.m. and sighed happily. He didn't want to be downer and he didn't want to admit he lied but he did and he hoped that Loki would forgive him for it.

Even though he didn't text those three simple words that was more complex beyond even angels to really comprehend, hadn't meant that he hadn't meant it. Finally he couldn't stop himself and plugged in the words he thought would be appropriate for the trickster even though the meaning didn't come close to the actual feelings.

_I like you Loki._

He had just laid down in the mattress and was about to let sleep fall over him when the phone buzzed once more and he retrieved it from the bed side table and smiled seeing what it said.

_I like you too Sammy. Now sweet dreams and don't let the devil invade them._

He minimally wondered how the trickster knew everything that happened to him and inside his head but his brother couldn't fathom some of his better well-kept secrets. Letting his eyes close, he let sleep overtake him, missing the one text that buzzed in afterwards. The one text he wasn't going to see until morning again but still made his heart swell with love and made him feel special all at the same time.

_I'll protect you Sam-I-am. If big brother can't I'll chase all those ugly things away. I'll always chase them away for as long as I can._

* * *

"This is great, so we are going to go fishing-"

"No Dean, don't we have a case?"

Sam was tired of arguing.

Of course that didn't mean that Dean would listen. He was really stubborn when he wanted to be. Sam ignored him for the most part and nibbled on apple slices every so often. Dean seemed to notice that Sam stopped listening and seemed to think better of it at the last-minute. He just sighed and put a hand through his short hair making Sam wonder truly if there was something else to it.

"I just promised Lisa I'd take Ben fishing and the case isn't serious is it?"

Sam rolled his eyes, not meaning for Dean to see it and saw that Dean was definitely not happy about it.

"You worry too much Dean," Sam quickly told him.

"Yeah and that is why we both know that we'll never have kids of our own. I mean we can't live the apple pie life let alone bring a kid into this world. It'd simply be unfair and I wouldn't do that to a kid of my own-Sam are you okay?"

Sam seemed to snap out of it and nodded quickly.

"I'm fine Dean. I just couldn't help but get the feeling that you condone abortion-"

"If you can't have a baby, you shouldn't," Dean said matter of factly. "I know it would seem unfair but the alternative would be a miserable life and you know that living this life has only brought pain so far anyways."

"Yeah okay," Sam said and shook himself from his thoughts. "I guess I was just hoping that you could find someone you could actually come to care about. I mean, I know that you care about Lisa a lot but I was hoping you'd be with someone you'd be hopelessly in love with."

Dean snorted.

"Yeah like I wouldn't have experienced anything like that!" Dean said with a snort. "I'm more experienced than you kiddo."

"Yeah well I'll have you know that your kind of love is a bit different from what I believe it is."

"Sure and when you list them off I bet I could top them," Dean told him with a smirk.

"Okay and if you can't, you need to promise that one day you'll experience them. Trust me, it's not like any other type of love you've known," Sam added with a small smile.

"Lay them on me," Dean said finally taking a seat.

"Okay," Sam paused and hid the snort of laughter at Dean's impatience. He quickly straightened up and became serious though when he noticed Dean truly wanted to know. "Have you ever kissed anybody in the rain?"

"Sammy that's-"

"Not sucking face but with someone you really loved and you kissed them like they would disappear?"

"Sam this is stupid," Dean said with an eye roll.

"It's not," Sam adamantly told him. "I know the difference between real love and the love you claim to have-"

"Dude, please let's not go there. I love Lisa, end of story!" Dean was about to stand up and leave but Sam stopped him with what he said next.

"Would you die for her though? Okay stupid question but the one you should really love should be the one you could feel at home with to laugh, to smile, to say all your corny jokes and know they're going to laugh anyways. Someone you kiss passionately in the rain despite getting all wet and not being able to live without. Every second away would seem like a life time and it would be a piece gone that you can't lose. Someone you'd be lost without but someone you could love for life even after death. You could make memories with so when you look back, you'll be able to say I have made a lot of mistakes and regret a lot but being with that person is the best thing I've ever done."

Dean was silent for a second before lifting his head and Sam rolled his eyes at seeing the fact that he didn't take it as serious as Sam had.

"Dude, I'm sorry but that is so lame. Why would I be with someone I can't be without? This counts as a chick flick moment by the way and I don't want another one in the car so is there anything you want to add?"

Sam nodded.

"You'll find it somebody and when you do, I'll just say that I told you so."

Dean rolled his eyes but stopped before he even got to Sam. Looking at what he saw, he found himself biting his lip and wondering if he should just spit it out. Yeah, it didn't necessarily mean that it was Loki but it fit the M.O. and he didn't want to skip it when there was still a chance it could have been a different trickster.

"Dude when were you going to show me this?" he demanded heatedly. "Those stupid UFO sightings fail in comparison to a bear attack killing someone when there was a barrier in between. Namely the door. Who has ever known of a bear getting in the way of something like that?"

Sam paused in his answer seeing that Dean was more than a little upset and he needed to answer soon before Dean got really angry. Thankfully Castiel appeared at the moment and the sudden entrance brought the small bearable nausea over the seems, making Sam groan before running off to the bathroom.

There was that and maybe whilst Sam was hugging the toilet yet again, Dean and Castiel could finally stop eye fucking but then again it wouldn't change as easily as that. If anything Dean was stubborn and wouldn't admit to it without being pushed until he discovered the feelings himself.

Sam groaned again.

One thing was for certain, he was definitely tired of being up close and personal with the toilet.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Things had been going great up until a certain point or at least Sam would have thought so. His nausea wasn't causing him that much of a problem anymore and he was getting used to the implications of what he caused help inspire him to try to find an alternate way to stop the end of the world without saying yes to Lucifer. But most of all was the love for the trickster he hadn't known how to place and instead put it in a secured part of his heart that he convinced himself was so that he could keep it safe.

Thinking back, Sam wondered when karma got so bad because honestly, he couldn't have seen what was coming and it was one gigantic mess coming back and slapping him in the face.

Loki wasn't Loki. He wasn't even the trickster like he had told them he was and knowing that now, Sam also knew that he was another one of those douchebag angels although quite different in the fact that he didn't seem to be rooting for a particular side. He did run away from home to join the pagans anyhow. That didn't change anything in his mind though and he was simply hurt beyond what he could even comprehend at the moment.

"You bring Cas back first and then we talk about this."

Dean voice filtered through his head, bringing Sam back to the present and seeing as how the angel wasn't going anywhere, Sam found himself wishing he would just go away so it would go back to last week where Loki called and warned him about the hunt or the time he spent half the night texting him and got his mind off of the need to vomit. Why couldn't his life be more simple? Why was it always taking things away from him?

With a casual snap of his fingers, the supposed demigod did just that and Sam saw that even though Cas seemed a little beaten up, he was just fine. He joined Dean's side and even though Sam was feeling the particular feeling that could only happen whenever he realized that Dean would never allow himself to be happy with Cas. It just made him feel even worse so he shook his head of the thought and ignored Loki's look of inquiry.

"So which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy or Douchey?" He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice since both Dean and Cas had no idea about his feelings and even the trickster had to think their relationship only extended to friends with some sort of benefit. They only had sex about three times after all.

"They call me Gabriel," he finally answered.

"The archangel," Dean said in disbelief interrupting them and looking seriously upset. "What did daddy say when you left to join the pagans?"

Gabriel glared at him and Sam could agree with him in some level. Dean didn't have to rub salt on the wound so to speak but then again he never ran from his father. Not like Sam did. Sam wanted to say he was hurt and he couldn't find it in his heart to forgive being lied to like this but it was a lie. He hated to admit it. He didn't want to. He loved Gabriel. He did and even though the archangel lied to him, he found himself wanting to forgive and forget because even though he outright lied about a bunch of things, it was Gabriel that cheered Sam up when he thought Dean was no longer wanting to be on speaking terms with him. Gabriel talked about nothing important and spent hours of his time making Sam laugh when he thought Dean really wanted him to pick a hemisphere and stay there. And as much as he wanted to deny it, now that he knew he was an archangel, it didn't change who he actually was. Yeah he wasn't a pagan god but he had the same personality, same thought, and his feelings were the same.

His brain was trying to fight what his heart already felt. It was a losing battle.

"So how did you know it was me?" Gabriel asked instead, ignoring the question.

"Well let's just say that nobody gets that mad unless they are talking about family. Now why would you join the pagans and what did daddy say when he found out that you ran away?" Dean asked repeating his previous question.

"Daddy doesn't talk about much anymore. He hasn't been for a long time and my brothers, I may love them senseless but it doesn't mean I will put up with their fighting. I couldn't handle it so I left. On another note, how's the search for daddy coming? I take it you couldn't find him on a tortilla."

"He's not on any flat bread," Cas replied confused.

"Of course he isn't," Gabriel said slowly and Dean glared although it only made the corners of Gabriel's lip twitch upward. "I know you may be mad at me bro but I did what I thought was best at the time and you? You turned out alright. The Winchesters' influence did something good for you-"

"Don't think that you could come here after all this time and just lay this on me Gabriel," Cas told him emotionlessly. "You are the one that chose to escape responsibility. Could you be any less cruel? You abandoned several of our garrison by skipping out of heaven and yet you think you have the right to tell anyone who's right or wrong?"

"You were my favorite fledgling," Gabriel mumbled. Out loud, he continued. "I know you don't like me very much. I mean I got you beat up and who knows what else but face it boys. The prized fight is going to happen one way or another and guess what, I don't particularly care how it ends. I mean you are going to honestly tell me I'm in the wrong but who was it that popped Lucifer out of the box? Who was it exactly that helped? Yeah, so before you lay blame on me, look at yourselves because nobody in this building is without blame."

"He has a point Dean," Sam mumbled to him and ignored the glare he shot his way. "Why won't you just help us stop your brothers then if you love them so much?"

"You really want to ask me to kill them? I can't. I love them despite what they did; I think you could relate Dean."

"No, if you don't want to kill him it's fine but if we find a way to put a stop to the apocalypse then there won't be a prized fight. Don't you think? I don't want to fight my brother either and I don't want to have to." Sam knew that Gabriel was seriously thinking of it and it actually felt good to think it was because of him that Gabriel was being so reasonable. As arrogant as that was, Sam hated to think how many lovers he had in the past who more than likely thought arrogantly that he was theirs as well. He shook it off as Gabriel answered.

"Yeah and we find alternate ways and then what? It's likely to get one of us killed-"

"It's better than cowering low with some pagans while the older brothers hashed it out for centuries!" Dean snapped, patience worn thin. "I can't believe I'm listening to this. The only reason we were reasoning with you is because Sam thought you would be able to help. I don't know where you got that but we're out of here."

"…..Are you going to leave me stuck in here?" Gabriel finally asked seeing them head for the door's entrance. Dean turned around and Sam could tell even though Dean was pissed, he wasn't cruel. He hit the fire alarm and looked back as though to tell him not to forget.

"I wouldn't do that Gabriel and you know why? I don't mess with people's minds like you and your dicks for brothers. And this has nothing to do with some hissy fight that your brothers have going on, it has everything to do with you being a coward and not being able to stand up to your family. So no I'm not trapping you in here and you could look back and remember that you "owe me one". Don't say I never did anything for you."

Sam knew that he seemed to be deep in thought. Even though he followed Dean, he couldn't help but look back and see his somber pensive face. The angel would soon realize perhaps that it's not all about family loyalty but a lot do with doing what was best for the ones you cared about. Sam never understood that before and how could he have when he was addicted to the demon blood. But now he understood more than ever that if you loved someone and knew they were in the wrong, sometimes love extended to doing whatever it was possible to intervene. Even if it meant doing something you didn't want to do.

* * *

"A supernatural convention?"

Sam could tell Dean didn't like it one bit, especially knowing that Becky was there and she was pretty annoying when she wanted to be. He ignored her though and focused on Chuck as he seemed to realize what Becky had done and why the brothers had shown up.

"Yeah it's like the first ever. It's gonna be so fun," Becky stated excitedly.

Sam nodded nonchalantly although Becky probably kept on the assumption that he was excited to know everything about it. Dean rolled his eyes as she continued to explain the event despite both of the brothers hardly listening to her. Instead they looked at Chuck as though blaming him for this.

"What don't look at me, she took my phone and texted you. It wasn't like I asked you here and if you thought it was important, shouldn't you have called?"

Sam looked at him in surprise.

"We honestly haven't thought of that."

Dean mumbled something about stupid and useless with being a waste of time thrown in. He didn't hesitate to enter the hotel though and Sam was just grateful that he wasn't taking this any worse. It would've been though that Ben was visiting his grandmother and Lisa wanted him home in a couple of weeks to spend some time with her. Ever since then, he had been on the chilled side and letting hardly anything bother him. Not since the Gabriel incident anyways and Sam had really hoped that learning his identity hadn't meant that he wasn't going to continue to pop in to see Sam whenever he usually did.

"So how is it?" Becky asked making Sam arch his eyebrow in puzzlement. Looking over, he saw that Dean didn't waste some time and went straight for the mini bar. It must've been great to be able to drink when his brother thought he was too sober for something, he grumbled mentally. Alcohol made Sam's stomach churn still and taking one little sip turned to half an hour hugging the toilet that he didn't want to do and even being near it sometimes made the same thing happen. So he was going to avoid it as much as possible.

"How's what?" Sam finally asked.

Becky laughed.

"You know that Chuck never stopped writing right? So far he's got to the point that you found out that the trickster was the enigmatic archangel Gabriel. How great is it to find that there's an archangel that was willing to teach you a lesson? I mean when you first met him he was messing with you both for amusement but later he killed Dean over and over on every Tuesday imaginable. What I got from that was that he was trying to get you to realize that you couldn't save Dean and to not seek revenge because it would cause a lot of problems for both of you. I guess some lessons have to be taught the hard way right. How does the devil really look anyways? I always thought he either looked like a snake or some dragon like creature-"

"Becky," Sam breathed quickly interrupting her. "First off even the devil was an angel so he most likely looks human believe it or not. Second, I don't think I'm going to listen to this the whole convention so I'm gonna join Dean in getting smashed until I can't see straight."

Ignoring Becky's protests he went and took a seat besides Dean at the bar. He ignored Dean's amused grin knowing full well what the drinks usually cause. Instead of worrying about any of that though, he looked at his brother's drink and looked up, meeting his eyes.

"You do know that you have been getting unusually sick when it came to these drinks and eating a lot of cheese? Maybe you should just get wine so you know, you could have with the cheese-"

"Ha, ha, very funny Dean but no. I think I'll have what you have."

Dean rolled his eyes.

"It isn't going to turn out well," he mumbled instead and ordered the drink for his little brother anyways.

Sam smiled when the drink appeared before him and Dean looked weary. He had every right to be but he hadn't spent time talking to Becky about an archangel that never visited anymore. Sam didn't know when but he started to secretly miss whenever the archangel wasn't around. Of course at the time he hadn't realized that he was anything but the trickster but Sam had since cooled off and forgiven the archangel since he didn't mean to lie, he joined the pagans and went as Loki so in a way he wasn't lying because he saw himself as the trickster for so long.

"So what should I tell the doctor when he asks why you spent an hour throwing up?"

"I don't need to see the doctor Dean. I told you we have more things to worry about than my nausea." Sam glared even though Dean just laughed amusedly and took a sip of his own drink whilst watching Sam hesitate despite saying he wasn't worried. "On another note what is this drink called?"

"It's a screwdriver Sammy. It's good and if you don't throw it back up in five minutes, you'll enjoy it."

Sam decided it couldn't be that bad and took a little sip.

Wincing at the bitter taste, he shot a look to Dean who looked more than a little amused now. Seeing his brother inquiring expression though, he gave a small laugh and pat him on the back.

"You asked for the same thing as me Sam and I got one with mostly vodka in it. It isn't true strong for you is it?"

Sam was about to shake his head and froze. The nausea that was barely there seemed to come back with a vengeance now and he attempted to at least wait it out. He swallowed a couple of times ignoring Dean who looking more amused by the second.

"You do realize that once you admit that you're going to get sick, I am going to take you to the doctor afterwards because this shit ain't healthy. Who gets sick drinking alcohol?" Of course Dean would think that that was abnormal.

Sam groaned though and quickly slapped a hand over his mouth and swayed a little. The tiny sip didn't make him drunk so he figured it had to do with the driving all night and the adrenaline from the text message coming back to haunt him. Dean rolled his eyes and quickly helped him over there but turned away when Sam threw up what seemed to him as breakfast and yesterday's meals as well. Leaning his forehead against the cool porcelain, Sam waved for Dean that he was okay and watched him look in disbelief. His brother was never going to stop now.

"Listen Sam, when you're finished, give me a ring. Don't try to get up, okay? I'm going to end this little party early and not only because I saw so many look like us trying to act like us as well. I'm going to talk to Chuck though so stay there until I get back or until you feel you aren't so nauseous anymore. Hell maybe it's a good thing you are unable to keep down even a tiny bit of alcohol. It just means that you won't be able to try to rid yourself of your problems through drinking and become an alcoholic."

Sam just smiled and nodded.

Seeing as Dean left reassured that Sam wasn't going anywhere he groaned. This was not what Sam had planned to do when he found out it was a convention. He really wanted to forget everything but knew alcohol wasn't the answer anyways. He just felt too sick to the stomach right now to be annoyed or angry with the wannabe Sams and Deans wanting to be them.

"It so does not look like fun being sick."

Sam looked over in surprised happiness but couldn't help but let out a groan followed by more retching. He hated getting sick and knew he should have skipped the alcohol. Stupid Becky and her stupid reading ahead and knowing about every single problem they had. He hoped she hadn't read the sex scenes for kicks. He hoped the book didn't have his and the archangels sex scenes in there!

"This is a shitty convention," Gabriel continued. "For one they don't even have chocolate and for another they don't do any favors by getting my favorite Winchester sick."

Sam looked up in shock but Gabriel went on as though he didn't notice.

"I know you're getting sick but we need to talk and if we have to have it in a bathroom, I'm okay with that too."

Sam nodded although he was a little confused. He didn't say it of course but he knew Gabriel probably knew anyways. He always knew the little things for some reason or another. It made him wonder why he hadn't suspected it in the first place because Gabriel knew things about him and Dean that a simple pagan god shouldn't know.

"About what?" Sam asked. "I'd probably tell you that it's bad to talk in a bathroom for the sake of a serious conversation but I don't really feel all that good at the moment and it's beginning to make me mad."

"It's okay. We can talk here when you don't feel like your insides are coming out."

"Why did you stop coming over?" Sam asked the question he wanted to ask since they found out Gabriel's true identity. At the archangel's questioning gaze, Sam continued to explain. "I forgave you for mystery spot and I forgave you over and over again even after that. I knew I was going to forgive you for this too. Why must you think I would come to hate you?"

Gabriel chuckled and Sam felt his nausea was finally becoming a background annoyance once more. Wiping his chin with toilet paper, he let himself fall back onto Gabriel's shoulder, laying his head there and being truly thankful that the archangel wasn't hot and sweaty like Sam felt. Gabriel was pretty cool in fact and it was doing wonders.

"I honestly thought you wouldn't want me coming around anymore but I guess I should have talked to you first." Gabriel finally said and Sam nodded eagerly.

"Yeah, you should have. Assumptions are only going to hurt you in the end. I forgive you though so it's okay." Sam mumbled against Gabriel's shoulder.

Gabriel looked amused as he threaded his hand through Sam's sweaty hair. It felt good and Sam was almost to point of sleep when Gabriel asked.

"Why would you forgive me so easily though? I always do bad things that end up hurting you."

"I love you." Sam told him aloud without even thinking.

Feeling arms tighten around him, Sam let out a small smile. Sure he hadn't meant to admit that so soon but seeing as how Gabriel didn't seem to be running to the mountain side to get away from Sam's confession, Sam smiled more broadly. He missed the archangel's mouth when he tried to kiss him however and pouted.

"No sex when you're sick, it's unhealthy and I like the clothes I'm in. Besides you probably taste like vomit since you have been vomiting." Gabriel added with a smirk.

Sam nodded and lay against his shoulder again, his arms going around Gabriel as a way to make sure he wouldn't leave. He didn't want him to leave him now even though he knew it couldn't be for long since Dean would come back soon.

"I'm not going anytime soon so Dean could deal if he sees you like this. I'm taking care of his little brother and I'm going to help. I'm not willing to kill my brothers but there have to be ways to stop everything without that. If there is we'll find it."

Sam smiled and found his eyelids growing heavy. He heard Gabriel chuckle and a kiss was dropped on his sweaty forehead.

"Get some sleep. When you wake up, you'll feel better I promise."

"Love you Gabriel. I loved you when you were Loki too. I think my heart knew before I did that I loved you and have since I first met you. Please don't run away though. I love you too much to lose you right now."

He was slowly losing his battle to stay awake but even then he wouldn't forget for a long time the words that came from Gabriel then. It seemed almost too good to be true because Gabriel was hardly ever serious and acting like he was now, it just didn't sound like Gabriel. But his words helped convince Sam and he let himself drift off knowing Gabriel wouldn't let anything happen to him. Throughout this all Gabriel never did stop threading a hand through his hair and he had to admit it felt good. If he could think of one of the best moments in time, it would be this. He didn't have a single worry nor was he stressed about something he had done. The sad enough thing was, he never thought he had ever been this content, even when he was in Stanford.

Gabriel had said it though.

He had said in a snort, "Why would I run goof ball? Why would I run when I love you too?"


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"Are you honestly okay?"

Sam thought that was a weird question to ask all of sudden since he wasn't the only one who had lost a loved one today. Ellen and Jo were close to Dean just as they were to him and Bobby but by asking that, Sam wondered if there was something else he was implying.

"I think I'm walking into the wrong conversation," Sam admitted confused and Dean didn't stop once he realized that Sam apparently didn't comprehend anything.

"Lucifer man, Lucifer. Did we not hear the same thing?" he asked shaking his head. "Lucifer took one look at you and said that you were particularly strange, more than usual. Is there anything that would make that possible? Demon blood or any new addictions you want to tell me about?"

"No Dean," Sam said incredulity. "I have under no circumstances done anything that would be considered weird even for the devil. We have traveled the same way and we have done the same things. Well you have been with Lisa at periods of time but I'm usually at Bobby's doing research man and he could tell you that I usually don't do much more than that."

"For a while you vomited in the morning and when it wasn't that it was in the evening. I think you still throw up when Dean asks for cherry pie."

Sam winced when Bobby brought that up. His cravings were getting worse and if that wasn't so bad, now it was anything that had even a hint of sour or sweet, sometimes both. He still refused to see a doctor for his unusual habits because they weren't that bad and he wasn't even vomiting anymore except when he had cherry pie and that was because he couldn't stop the amount he had when it was placed in front of him.

"If that isn't bad enough, you are slowly working up to diabetes and you are gaining weight. A lot!" Dean added crossing his arms. "I could bring Cas in to talk to you because he noticed that you have strayed away from your normal habits and even Gabriel seemed a tiny bit pleased when you yanked a twizzler out of his hand the other day."

As always whenever the certain mischievous trickster/archangel was mentioned, everyone in the room seemed to tense up but for different reasons. Obviously Bobby remembered him as the one that tried to kill them when they had first met him and Dean thought that the archangel had a hidden agenda. Sam's was more out of guilt since unbeknownst to them, he was getting laid by a heavenly being that ran away to join the pagans. Apparently Cas still hadn't forgiven him either for whatever it was Gabriel had done to him when he left all those centuries ago.

"It wasn't my fault that you eat Bobby out of house and home," Sam tried protesting.

Dean just smirked when Bobby opened his mouth.

"Actually Sam I'd hate to be the one to say this but you keep asking for seconds and sometimes thirds that it is sadly rivaling Dean's appetite. It makes it worse by all the damned junk food you eat in between and you don't have to add sugar to toast sticks, just FYI. The maple syrup already has enough in it," Bobby added although he was clearly amused as well.

"I really don't know why alright but everything else aside, it doesn't change the fact that the devil has got to be stopped," Sam quickly put in. Despite their skepticism, he was fine. Gabriel was being a nuisance, that would never change but Sam wasn't sick anymore and it lasted surprisingly for the first eleven weeks. He was just glad that he has now gone three successful days without the need to hug the toilet.

"Fine but it doesn't add up. Lucifer seemed surprised by just seeing you. You said he came to you before and asked you to say yes. So why would anything about you surprise him now?"

Sam shrugged and attempted to avert his head. Just when he thought the subject was over, Cas spoke up and Sam suddenly noticed that Cas had stood there the whole time listening in.

"I'm an angel as well, not quite as powerful as Lucifer or any of the other archangels but I can see that something is different about you Samuel. You, how do they put it, you are glowing."

"Glowing?" Sam asked slowly, not sure if he got what he was going for.

"Humans have distinct auras. A lot of the supernatural could sense it and angels could see it just like they see demons for what they are," Cas started out. "The thing that had me worries was the aura that wasn't there before. Many people have different color auras and it shows how pure they are and if they follow God truly. The thing that worries me-"

"Really Cas?" Dean interrupted. "Auras mean shit and doesn't tell us what's wrong with Sam these days. Ever since the apocalypse happened anyways, Sam has been all ways of fucked up!"

"IDJIT!" Dean looked over and Bobby glared. "If you stopped talking Castiel will get to the point but your whining and sniveling isn't going to help any. Carry on Cas."

Cas nodded and did.

"The reason it was so worrisome to us is because around Sam's lower stomach, there has been a patch of white slowly appearing and growing bigger. At first I couldn't see it but now, like I said, it's a small patch and Lucifer probably read into it more than me."

"That's it?" Dean asked when Cas didn't have anything else to say. Rolling his eyes Sam didn't know what auras were supposed to achieve other than to cause him pain because apparently his aura wasn't normal either.

"Aura is makes up the physical and mental wellbeing of the body. If you were sick, then it will show there before you would notice. The reason Lucifer could have been mystified by it is by, and this going to seem a little silly but the only reason there would be that small bout of white is if Sam were pure of mind which he isn't or if he has something divine in him."

At that there was a pause as nobody else in the room knew how to approach the subject. Sam didn't know why he was mad that they would think he wasn't pure of mind but then again with all the demon blood and being with a demon, he could see it. It wasn't like he was denying it but then again he didn't like the talk like he wasn't even hear. He was also sure that if there was something divine in him, he'd know about it.

"So let's say he has something divine in him, how'd it get there?" Dean asked and Castiel tipped his head.

"I don't understand-"

"How would a divine aura appear in there where it shouldn't be?" Dean asked impatiently. "Listen Cas, I lost two of our friends today and I'm not in the mood for conversation that isn't going to lead anywhere. The colt's useless and Lucifer is still killing people. He has death on a leash so I don't want to hear I don't understand, I want to know the how."

"You are very impatient," Cas replied making Dean throw his hands up in the air. His next answer had all three turning his way in shock by saying, "If someone were to copulate with some divine being and come to carry a fetus then that is one possibility."

"A fetus?" Dean finally asked. "As in a baby growing in the inside?"

Cas tipped his head sideways at the question.

"That is a fetus Dean. It's a developing baby that hasn't been born yet."

"I frigging know what it is Cas!" Dean shouted before controlling himself. It made sense and yet it didn't. "Please just tell me that there isn't one growing in my baby brother right now!"

"Dean the reason the angels are suspecting that is because it's low leveled and a fledgling has little power while it is still developing, even more so for a half fledgling."

Sam felt like he was sucker punched quite literally. He tried to remember if he had used protection at all during the times he was actually engaging in sexual intercourse with Gabriel. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't really remember but didn't Gabriel have his own special ways? He couldn't be pregnant but then again, owning up to having sex with an angel was almost as bad as saying he was having a baby with one.

Looking back though, it was the look that sealed it for Sam.

"What? No, there's no way I could be Dean. I would have known way before now."

"Really?"

Sam raised an eye brow and wondered why Dean was really finding this possibility possible. He wasn't and he stuck by that he would know. He would know his body best after all and he would like to say that he was definitely in tune with it since the demon blood fiasco. The strange vomiting that lasted for a little over two months didn't mean anything and neither did the attempt at going into a sugar coma. He was just eating more sweets because Gabriel was. Really he couldn't have been.

"Yes. I know my body better than anyone," Sam answered irritably.

"And I say again Sam, really? You didn't have sexual intercourse or as Cas says 'copulate' in the last four months? At least not with anybody divine?"

"Dean there's no way-"

"You're not denying it Sam," Dean quickly warned him.

Sam hesitated and bit his lip. By then even Bobby was looking at him like he grew a second head. He couldn't be though and they just didn't understand. He couldn't have been carrying a baby because Gabriel-But he wasn't here at the time and if he thought about it, it did fit…No absolutely not; Sam would not believe any of it. He couldn't.

"This is Lucifer acting like I am but I'm not. He causes mayhem anywhere. There's-"

"My question has shit to do with the devil Sam and more to the question you're denying."

Sam took a deep breath and biting his bottom lip, he looked away.

"Really Sam? Why? What happened to protection?"

Bobby seemed to be in deep thought as well since he didn't say anything and Sam knew he didn't have to say anything for Cas to look on in that I'm really 'disappointed in you' type expression. Sam gulped knowing that Dean was really going to either get at it about what he did or didn't do and/or he was going to the big who. He couldn't really think to tell him.

"So you could be pregnant after all and we've been thinking someone has been deliberately poisoning you. Sam that was irresponsible! You were drinking alcohol and if you could actually keep any of it down you probably would have poisoned your unborn-damned I'm not having this conversation with my brother! My brain is seared because my brother had copulated with a dude and got knocked up. Who was the dude anyways before I bleach my mind completely?"

Sam froze and knew there was no way he could tell him. For one there was the whole Dean already being pissed thing but now it looked like he was seriously going to yell and throw things. He winced and paused seeing as how Bobby finally looked like he was coming out of his surprise.

"You could fight with your brother later about this possible fetus that may just be the result of him engaging in the activity. Besides you said you didn't know so it could be for nothing-"

"Bobby he didn't deny it though," Dean interrupted. He shut his mouth when Bobby glared at him though.

"Martin, your daddy's friend called and would like some help. He said there has been something in the hospital he is at and it doesn't look like it would be dangerous if Sam was carrying a child or not. We'll talk about this when we get back and talk about options. Hell you could adopt the baby if it were true but whatever you come up with, do a fricking pregnancy test first to verify you idjits."

With that Sam knew everything was going to change.

* * *

"Before we even go to see Martin we should have stopped to get that damn pregnancy test!"

Dean certainly was not happy since Cas told him about the possibility of Sam being pregnant and even though Sam wanted to deny it and say there was absolutely no way in hell, he feared that there was a small chance he could be and gently wondered what Gabriel was going to say if he found out. He didn't mean for it to exactly happen this way but it was happening and he couldn't deny it anymore, Dean wouldn't let him.

"Martin seemed pretty scared on the phone. I think that helping him first would be ideal before any problems we have at the moment-"

"Those problems should be dealt with first!" Dean snapped. "If you really are pregnant there are some hunts you will absolutely not go on and there will be no complaints."

Sam nodded warily.

"Besides I thought we were done keeping secrets from each other-"

"How was this a secret when I didn't even know?" Sam interrupted only to have Dean glare at him. He smartly shut his mouth and Dean continued.

"You should know the dangers of the job and okay I don't care who you have sex with or whatever but, you always need to use protection because something like this could happen. Come on Sam you're smarter than this. A baby is not something we should be concentrating on with the end of the world coming up."

"I know that, I just can't change it," Sam told him. "Looking back I know I should have double checked but if it happens shouldn't you at least be happy? Babies are supposed to be a miracle and a joy to be around."

"Some miracle alright," Dean muttered with a snort. "You do realize you are going to gain more weight than you already have? I can't believe I didn't really suspect it before. Nobody throws up that much on a daily basis and you aren't just eating that nasty rabbit food."

Sam groaned.

"Please, I don't really need to think about that right now. Besides we don't really know right now anyways and if I am, I think the father isn't-"

"Isn't what? So you know the father?" Dean questioned, turning to give Sam a confused look. Sam quickly swallowed back a retort and tried to think of an excuse he could use not to tell him. He could say that he died or something but in a way he knew he couldn't lie anymore or else it would come back and bite him as any other secret he had in the past has. But Dean was going to be angry and he could tell by the way he still acted around the archangel.

"Yeah I've been with him for a little while now," Sam answered instead.

"Okay so who is it?" Dean rolled his eyes when silence reigned in the car. "Come on Sam you learned your lesson from having sex with demons so I think we have that part covered. It's okay and I don't think it could be any worse especially if it is 'divine'."

"Even if it could be Gabriel's baby?" Sam asked biting his lip. He closed his eyes to block out Dean's reaction only to open them and let out a small squeak when Dean almost drove them off the road. He put the car into park on the side of the road before turning to him with eyes burning with anger.

"What the hell Sam! No, what the fucking hell? Son of a bitch! I finally allow some trust back and you get it on with the douchebag archangel? You have to be kidding me Sam! When did this all happen and why would it? You haven't forgotten what he did right?"

Sam gulped before shaking his head.

"He was there Dean when I was alone and I wasn't doing so good at the time. He helped Dean, he didn't even have any reason to help me but he did. Everything he did was to make me smile and he's been trying to help me like he knew what would happen if I were not to listen. I can't forget but I've learned to forgive and-"

"No, not that! Not that ever! You copulated with a fucking archangel who ran away from home like a scared little boy or whatever and you didn't care to tell me when you started getting sick? Sam this angel messed with us and he was okay with us being the vessels for Michael and Lucifer. He probably wouldn't mind it if you still became the vessel even though you might be, you might be carrying his kid." Dean trailed off looking sick and Sam choked back the urge to vomit.

Dean turned back to him then and gave him a look that Sam knew well.

"When did it first start?"

"I believe it started at the time you told me to pick a hemisphere," Sam answered a little worried that Dean was going to get to the point of anger. He just looked as though he was trying to hold back feeling it for the moment and Sam knew he should have kept his mouth shut, he really should have.

"So do you even love him?"

Sam bit back the sound of surprise at hearing his brother say that but nodded nonetheless without hesitation. He really did and Dean couldn't very much deal with it but he was. Dean took a deep breath and nodded as though he was having a silent conversation with himself.

"Okay, we have a hunt to get to and then we call Gabriel and settle this once and for all." At Sam's shocked look, Dean snorted. "First off all, there is going to be the pregnancy test that will help us verify if you are or not and then we are going to be calling Gabriel down to teach him a little thing called taking responsibility. I don't like him Sam and I ain't going to hide that but if you really love him then I want what's best for you too, since you most likely would want to keep the sucker once you saw it anyways. I know you would. You are like a fricking girl."

Sam nodded.

He may not have been happy with everything but Dean was compliant and no longer digging into him so he was happy for that at least. He was right too. At least it wasn't with a demon. And if anything else, Dean truly supported him. Sam was happy with that. There was no way that he would have thought that that would have happened. But it did and they were going to find out. He couldn't say he was exactly looking forward to it though. There was still Gabriel that needed to know

And he had no idea how to tell him let alone discuss it with his brother nearby.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Six**

Once everything was all said and done, Sam took a deep breath and ignored the single bang from the opposite side of the door. Dean was impatient and Sam was willing to take his time because he really couldn't understand the need of having a pregnancy test. What if he wasn't, he thought to himself. But what if he was and his mind wouldn't leave him alone with that possibility either so he just couldn't think at the moment.

"Come on princess. We need the results here soon and Cas said he would be bringing him back in exactly twenty minutes so hurry up!" 'Him' meaning Gabriel although he still seemed to hate the archangel with a passion, even more so now that he knew that Gabriel could've knocked him up. He wondered if Gabriel already knew about this or if it had only been in the short time that there was that one difference. Lucifer saw it and Castiel too but maybe it was too soon the last time the archangel was around.

He didn't know either way.

Sam gulped and turned to the mirror. Lowering back his shirt, he wondered if he indeed was and if the baby would show at this point. He lifted his shirt and looked down at his stomach, surprised that he didn't notice the change earlier. He thought he was bloated and all though and made excuses such as food poisoning being the result so he really didn't think there would be another reason for his rock hard abdomen softening up and swelling. He traced it with his fingers, lowering his pants a bit and turning sideways to see just how big he looked now. Which wasn't much, he thought taking in the small bump in the lower region of his abdomen.

Taking the pregnancy test in hand, he knew that Dean said he should take three to be sure and that was why they got one that already had three separate tests in them. He was worried and closed his eyes to keep out the thoughts that were marring his brain. He thought he couldn't get pregnant but as it turned out, never say never because now there was the possibility that was beginning to look more and more possible. He ripped the three packages open and read what the instructions said. After carrying out the motions, he waited the three minutes that he would need to get the results.

Sucking in a breath, he looked at his wristwatch and timed it hoping against all odds that if he was that nothing would change much. He could already tell though that his brother was going to change the rules of hunting but would that mean that they disappointed in him as well? He brought on the apocalypse and made so many mistakes throughout the years that he was sure that he would mess a baby up even more. Sighing, he looked over at the first one, already seeing the line etched onto the test. Actually there were two lines and confused, Sam turned to the other two which were basically the same even though one was a little fainter on one of them. Scrambling through looking for the instructions that he couldn't find now, he threw his hands up in the air and jumped when his brother's fist banged against the door again.

"Come on Sammy it takes three minutes!"

"I lost the instructions somewhere in here," Sam quickly told him and even though he was positively sure that there was no way in hell he could have lost it so easily, he had.

There was a pause before the bang sounded again along with Dean's annoyed voice leaking through.

"Just open the damned door Sam! I mean, come on! I'll help you."

Sam hesitantly unlocked the door and Dean looked at them before suddenly realizing that neither of them could actually read what it says. Annoyed and slightly irritated, Dean grabbed the box and groaned realizing they really did need the instructions for this.

"Okay there's no need to panic, I think you misplaced it angsting over this so let's look it up online or better yet, maybe Bobby knows-"

"How would Bobby know how a pregnancy test works?" Sam asked in disbelief only to have Dean more annoyed than he was.

"Well you could have gotten the one that says pregnant or not pregnant but no you had to have it all complicated and shit," Dean mumbled irritably whilst opening the lap top to search for anything online.

"How would I know I would misplace the instructions," Sam asked frustrated. "I know I shouldn't have and I just had it but I never thought I would get knocked up and if I am then there's no hunting and righting my mistakes. I'm so going to hell for having a baby with an angel."

Dean looked over in hidden amusement before turning back to the screen.

"Maybe it's a normal pregnant thing," he told him with a small smile playing on his lips. "Pregnant people are said to be forgetful."

Sam glared at him which didn't stop Dean's amusement one bit while he typed in what he thought would give them the answer. He groaned when he realized that they couldn't find a single one that would give them the result to this kind of pregnancy test.

"We could always get the other kind of test-"

"YOU SAID THAT THEY WOULD BE HERE IN TWELVE MINUTES!"

"STOP SHOUTING AT ME!"

Sam moaned and grabbed his head making Dean at least feel a small amount of pity for his brother. If he didn't plan to get knocked up, he should have been smart about it but no, he had to let the archangel have his way with him and now things were getting a little too dramatic.

"I'm sorry Dean, I didn't mean to."

Dean groaned in exasperation. If he thought Sam was bad now with all the chick flick moments, he didn't really imagine how Sam would be hormonal. He quickly pushed that to the back of his mind and smirked triumphantly when he found a website that looked like it would help them.

"Okay according to this site, you uh, do the test and wait three minutes and then there will be lines that appear. Great, can we get some sort of picture?" he asked himself and scrolled down.

Sam didn't think he could hold his breath but whilst he waited with a baited one, he wondered if it was possible to be this worked up over something like this. Dean finally clicked on a small image and read out loud the words below them.

"Okay so if it's negative there is one line, and if there are two," he paused looking at the test for verification. He took the other two from Sam's hands and looked at them as well before dropping onto the table beside the laptop with a sigh. "You're pregnant Sam. You're fucking pregnant."

Sam froze.

"Are you reading it wrong or maybe it's a false positive. That happens-"

"Okay first off the three of them are all positive so it's very unlikely. Then there are the symptoms you've been having and the weight gain despite the morning sickness. I am a little inclined to believe that the pregnancy test is accurate at this point Sam."

Sam nodded and put his hands against his head in frustration again.

What Gabriel's reaction would be to this would be nice to know because Sam wasn't sure if he was able to handle the idea yet. A baby? A little baby growing inside him and he was partly responsible for it. He grew cold though thinking about what kind of option that could be pointed out if the baby was unwanted and found himself shaking his head. It couldn't be that hard and even if he had to he could stand to give the baby up but to kill an innocent life that wasn't at fault?

He could never do it.

* * *

"Deano! My loveable and nearly psychotic friend. You still think you are God's gift to man?"

Sam heard Dean groan and his heart instantly picked up. Looking over, he saw that Gabriel had indeed come with Cas. He didn't know why he was so worried since Gabriel said he cared about him and loved him but something told him there was that and then there was responsibility and the archangel tended to act like a hyper active kid and had hidden from heaven for centuries instead of facing the problem. He supposed he was right in his mind to by a little bit worried.

He was just about thinking to the point of what the baby looked like, if it were a boy or a girl, and how big the baby was when Dean spoke up making Sam snap to look at them.

"Well Sammy has a little something to say to you Gabriel and so help me God, I really did not approve of this but if you both care for each other than I guess I could live with this."

Gabriel snorted.

"What did Sam-I-am tell you about our epic love? It's better than yours is anyways and I think that you need to rediscover your value on relationships."

Sam saw Gabriel smirk and even though he knew it was rude and that it would goad Dean into fighting and arguing with him, he kept his mouth shut. If they were willing to bicker and forget for a little while the predicament that this could be causing, Sam was okay with it and he really wanted to wait until he could find out more about the baby inside him.

"What? NO! I love Lisa and Ben! I may not be with her every minute of every day but that is just clinginess and Lisa isn't clingy!"

"I'll bet," Gabriel said with that smirk that Sam knew Dean was thinking of trying to beat off of his face. He silently groaned thinking of all the ways this would turn out and thought about maybe just going in and telling them before they went and hurt each other. "I bet she has someone else to warm her bed when you aren't there, hmm? You really don't look like the type of guy that would keep your girl satisfied for long. Is that why you usually love them and leave them?"

"First off, my relationships are none of your business and number two I wouldn't be calling you here if it had anything to do with me!" Dean snapped his temper getting the best of him. Gabriel seemed to notice and with a snap of his fingers, a milky way bar appeared in his hand.

"You need to stop worrying Deano. I don't hate you despite the whole killing thing earlier on. I was thinking of calling a truce where you and I could get along better. What do you say?"

"Go-to-hell," Dean managed through gritted teeth.

Gabriel didn't lose that smirk and it only widened.

"Yes I bet that's where you want me to go. I'm sorry though but I don't plan on going there anytime soon or at all," he added as an afterthought. "Hell burns hot and I don't really think I would like that, you know the fire and brimstones-"

"For the last time this isn't about me, this is about Sam," Dean finally said after failing to count back even two numbers. Gabriel was like the brother he wouldn't want to have and if he had a brother like him, well he certainly believed in natural selection better anyhow.

"What about Sam? He's not getting into trouble or else I'd know about it," Gabriel said with a knowing smirk now. "Little bro tells me everything and I think that your little suicide mission wasn't that great. You trusted Crowley of all people and used the colt to try to kill the devil. There's only one thing that can kill an angel Deano."

"Can you tell me so I could try with you first?" Dean asked losing the ability to repress his anger.

"Maybe, but first I need to try it out on you so I could see if it's sharp enough," Gabriel continued.

Cas sighed and with a flap of his wings, reappeared besides Dean with his arms crossed and a look that read 'you two need to act better'. Both Dean and Gabriel turned their attention to the angel who then began to speak seeing as how he had their attention now.

"I think we should focus on something different. I didn't tell you one thing Gabriel because it wasn't mine to tell and Sam, he would like to tell you what he most undeniably knows now that he had a chance to verify it. Another reason I hadn't said anything."

"So why would you not want to say anything Sammy Whammy?" Gabriel paused and then frowned as he took it all in and Sam didn't even have to say anything, he just stayed there and silently hoped that the archangel would say something soon.

Nothing was said and there was a small pause before Sam finally found himself spitting it out.

"I'm pregnant."

That got Gabriel out of the weird daze he seemed to be having and he snapped to take in Sam's expression as Sam bit the inside of his lip, noticing that he was going to soon have to find a new habit before he ended up biting his lip off.

"Yeah, I see that." Gabriel said and paused. "I thought we were clear way back in that town with the crappy chocolate and no alcohol that you weren't to fall for me then."

"I wasn't certain and why would that matter?" Sam asked trying to control the quiver in his voice but failing.

"Angel babies are made with love. If you don't love someone there isn't any problem but once someone falls undeniably in love with the other, a baby is made Sam. In case you didn't notice, I think you lied to me."

Sam bent his head in shame. He didn't like lying nor keeping secrets but Gabriel didn't have to make him fall for him. Hell he was the one that wanted him too. He kept his mouth shut though knowing it was pointless to argue.

"So you're pregnant." Gabriel was hard to read but Sam figured he was trying to come to terms with it. Babies were a big responsibility and Gabriel would probably have to grow up a bit and learn to be more mature, something he knew that Gabriel avoided like the plague. He played pranks and gave assholes their just deserts. How would that be like though if he had a baby, Sam wondered. Gabriel finally shook himself at it and turned to Castiel.

It seemed like they were having a silent conversation for a moment before Gabriel broke away from him and his eyes landed back to Sam's. He didn't think Gabriel would take it this bad and couldn't imagine what he was thinking. Taking a deep breath, Sam choked down the nausea that was suddenly making itself known. He noticed that even though he was done with it, the only time it came back was with the indigestion from overeating or when he got upset and couldn't help but think the baby was letting him know that it wasn't good for either of them to get themselves worked up. Forcing himself to calm down, he broke the silence first, moistening his lips.

"I may be pregnant Gabriel but that doesn't mean anything has to change. I mean, it can't be so bad that you are mad at the thought. You could have a daughter or a son-"

"Get rid of it."

Before Sam could comprehend what Gabriel had told him, both angels were already gone, leaving Sam and Dean alone.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

Sam shook himself from the small stupor that settled in when Gabriel had left abruptly. Blinking, he imagined in head what his reaction would be several times and it always came down to either anger or surprise. He never thought he'd see Gabriel being surprisingly calm, even for him. He said to get rid of the baby though and Sam mentally shook his head. That was something he just couldn't do. It wasn't the baby's fault that his or her parents couldn't think ahead to the consequences either.

"Sam?"

He was brought out of his thoughts and looked over to Dean wondering what it was he was trying to say. Dean didn't say anything for a couple of minutes but then he closed the gap and quickly wiped at his eyes with the pads of his thumbs. Sam was amazed and Dean just sighed, holding him at arm's length so that he could talk to him and know that he would listen at the same time.

"Sam maybe Gabriel was just shocked and we all know that even angels cope differently. If he really loves you, he'll explain why he told you that. He will and you will be happy that you didn't let those words get to you okay?"

Sam nodded and then gaped.

"You mean you're okay with me not getting an abortion?" Sam wanted to be sure. Dean was his big brother and he still looked up to him like crazy, even though he tended to drive him crazy more.

"Yeah, I mean it's your body right? Anyways you do realize that it's gonna be harder when we hunt," Dean added slipping a knowing look and Sam bit his lip to keep from retorting. Dean wasn't being mean; he was just laying all the cards on the table. "We'll have to create a system so that you can't hurt you're unborn child. Now are you sure, really sure that you don't want to think of all the options first? He could have meant give the baby up when the baby is born but I don't really see you doing that…."

"Really Dean? If it was the best thing for my baby-"

"You wouldn't," Dean interrupted with a small smile. "You wouldn't be able to give up the baby once you saw them for the first time. So yup, once you see the little baby face you will raise that kid for life. Maybe Ben wouldn't mind learning to share when we bring the kid over there to be baby sat in the future-"

"Dean not to be rude or anything but that would also mean that my unborn has quite a few uncles and aunts on the daddy's side of the family."

Dean groaned.

"Please don't remind me." It gave Sam a headache even thinking about it let alone that by technicality, that also made Lucifer an uncle as well. "Lucifer is going to be more amused when he realizes the truth so we need to work on keeping you away from as much hunts as possible. You are stuck on research duty."

Sam didn't see anything wrong with that. He had done that before and couldn't see anything difficult about having to do all of it now. He did the majority of it before anyhow unless they needed help from Bobby. He could handle it and nodded as much when Dean gave him a pointed look that promised a world of pain if he ever tried to break that.

"Oh and you are also on pie duty." At Sam's look of disbelief Dean continued with a smirk. "I am being the awesome brother that I am by supporting your decision so I think you could handle getting me pies-Oh it might be a little hard seeing as how you really do crave pies so damn much. Glad to see the baby got my taste for food. I wonder if we should see if you have a craving for bacon cheeseburgers."

Sam closed his eyes and groaned.

Sometimes it just didn't pay to have older brothers.

* * *

"STUPID!"

"Like I could change anything," Sam snapped with crossed arms.

Dean exhaled slowly and Sam knew he was getting mad. He honestly didn't think some kid would swap bodies with him in the first place but unbeknownst to the kid, Sam was pregnant and he didn't find out the whole time he was in his body and even as they dropped the kid off, Sam was glad he hadn't known although he wondered what excuses he made for the small curve in his lower abdomen. Of course to others it may look like he was getting chubby at the moment.

"Okay another bump in the road. That's okay. We'll work on this until we get it perfect." Dean added and Sam only shook his head.

"You do realize you are a slave driver?"

Dean quirked his eyebrows.

"I'm looking after you both Sammy. Besides I want you checked out after that kid had your body and all. Don't want you getting any nasty viruses or infections or whatever. What if you-SAM!"

Sam was slowly trying to find ways to get better access to his breathing and felt it had been cut off some. His eyes widened and Dean practically ran to the med kit, thankful that they brought it in thinking about the things that could happen in advance. He sat next to Sam, having pushed him back onto the bed of their most recent motel room and tried to think if it was hyperventilation or something else. He put the paper bag over Sam's mouth and nose to try and rule it out and when Sam weakly pushed it away, Dean scowled and tried to hold it there.

"Dean," Sam rasped. "Kid…asthma."

Dean's eyes popped in surprised silence realizing what Sam was apparently trying to say.

"SON OF A BITCH!" He dug out an old inhaler that Sam used to take and was glad that he restocked it since he was always thinking of Sam regressing from the childhood asthma that he seemed to grow out of. Of course nobody told them that a body swap would have a few challenges like Sam getting the little kids asthma for one. "Sam I have an inhaler for you. Come on buddy, a few puffs and you'll be fine."

Sam's chest was heaving with the need to breathe and holding his nose, Dean pressed down on the inhaler, making sure Sam got a couple of puffs and then removed the fingers holding his nose. Sam brought in a struggling breath, the burning sensation easing as he found it easier. Still breathing deeply, he suddenly realized that he was leaning back against Dean's chest and that the hand that wasn't combing through his hair was rubbing small circles in his chest as though it would make it easier on Sam.

"I'm okay," Sam breathed making Dean glare at him.

"Definitely a reason to go to a medical clinic now," Dean finally said. "You really okay Sam? Damn you haven't had an asthma attack since you were four and that was no picnic either."

Sam calmly nodded and allowed Dean to continue with what he was doing. It seemed to relax him after the scare he gave his older brother.

"Come on, I think that we should go before you have another attack."

Dean aired on the side of caution even though Sam found himself saying, "That kid had asthma, I think it'll right itself out again after-"

"Don't talk then and just to make sure okay?" Sam found himself nodding.

Dean was just trying to keep him safe and who was he to say no?

* * *

At the emergency room, Sam was sure it wasn't really that emergent but since he had had an attack with a preëxisting condition in the past fifteen minutes, he got right in and his vital signs were taken right away. His pulse was a little high but it was just because of the albuterol inhaler that he had to take to ease away the attack so he could breathe again. His oxygen saturation or how the nurse broke it down as the amount of oxygen in the blood, was sitting at 98 percent which was good. He was doing okay as far as he could see but she preferred to lead him to an exam room away from Dean and have him hop onto the table. Announcing that she was going to get the doctor, she left the room, closing the door on the way out and leaving Sam alone.

He thought about what he was going to do now and then it came to him. He really wanted to find out more about the baby and he knew that the doctor would agree that he should see how the baby was doing since he had had difficulty breathing before coming to the emergency room. He hoped Dean would understand but he really needed to know and it was too tempting to ignore anymore. He almost fell off of the table when the doctor arrived and reviewed everything the nurse had done before checking him over as well. The small checkup included listening to both his heart and lungs and having him cough which now that he was feeling loads better since the body swap, he was fine. He let out a raspy cough though when the doctor checked the back of his throat as well.

"Have you been sick recently?" he asked and Sam shook his head. Being pregnant wasn't an illness after all.

"Well I could prescribe you some antibiotics but then I don't really find it necessary. You're vital signs are as normal as they would be having inhaling the albuterol of course. The nurse will come back and make sure there are repeat vitals taken but other than that, I would recommend bed rest so that your body gets the chance to get over what it probably did. You have any allergies?"

Sam shook his head and the doctor nodded. Dropping the stethoscope back around his neck the doctor seemed quite pleased with Sam's health. Sam gulped but couldn't hold back anymore.

"I was also wondering if you could see if my baby is alright." When the doctor looked up a little in surprise, Sam quickly concealed his shaking hands trying not to appear agitated.

"That changes things," he finally said. "Asthma doesn't necessarily complicate a pregnancy but if it's out of control it could. How far along are you?"

Sam didn't know and when the realization hit, he felt all the more horrible. He didn't even know how big his baby was or if the baby was healthy with all ten fingers and toes. He was going to be a horrible parent and he knew it. Before he could panic about how he didn't even know how many months he was, the doctor cleared his throat to get his attention.

"I take it that you didn't see a healthcare provider yet."

Sam nodded hesitantly.

The doctor had Sam lay back and lower his jeans a bit and felt the doctor touching his lower abdomen. He kept his mouth shut until he felt something really cold and almost jumped. The doctor just nodded as though he was speculating.

"I'm pretty sure that if everything goes smoothly, we can hear it," he told him not specifying anything.

Sam nodded biting his lip.

He waited a bit until a small whooshing sound filtered the room and Sam's eyes widened in shock. He turned to the doctor who seemed to be concentrating for a moment before looking up and nodding reassuringly.

"That's your baby's heartbeat and it's at about one forty five right now. Unborn babies have faster heart beats but it's all normal. Now I'm going to see if we could visualize the baby okay?"

Sam nodded and frowned when he realized this entire time that the doctor hadn't given his name as of yet. He glanced at the name tag that read Dr. Smith Hadley. So it was Dr. Hadley. He nodded just as the doctor brought the machine over and Sam bit down to keep from voicing out what he knew he was going to get explained to him.

"I'm going to be putting hell of a lot more gel on your abdomen so that we can see the baby," Dr. Hadley told him and true to his word, Sam kept himself from groaning at how cold it was. The doctor didn't say anything and instead pressed the wand against his abdomen, moving it around for a bit before turning the screen towards Sam.

Sam almost lost his breath.

If he had any thoughts about being wrong about everything even after hearing the heartbeat, it was seeing his baby on the screen for the first time that made him realize just how real it really was. He could see the baby's head, the legs and feet, the baby's torso, and the arms. The baby's hands were near its head and Sam let out a great big sigh of relief just knowing that his baby was healthy.

"Judging from the ultrasound and by the measurements of the baby, I'd have to say that the baby looks to be about sixteen weeks. Sixteen weeks exactly according to the machine." Dr. Hadley added.

Sam nodded trying to overcome the tears. How could he have thought about even listening to his brother and the angel even if it was for a second? Seeing the baby he knew he loved it even though he didn't know the gender and it was nameless as well. He smiled slowly, taking in the features.

"I'm going to get a couple of pictures alright? Then I'm going to talk to you about your options," Sam frowned realizing that even the doctor probably wondered what he was doing with a baby. Before he could ask the doctor continued. "I'm pretty sure I could find the gender for you if you would like that."

Sam nodded and watched as he maneuvered the wand until he got it to where he wanted and then looked to see if Sam understood what he was seeing. Sam couldn't be sure and he didn't want to be wrong but if he was right it looked and he meant by that he could say he was fifty seven percent sure that it was-

"It looks like you're having a boy." Sam looked down at the baby bump finding himself glad that he wasn't taking anybody's advice but his own. Dean was supporting him but only because he knew Sam didn't want to get rid of the baby even though he definitely would try to advise that Sam get an abortion. Gabriel seemed to not want the baby at all either though.

"Okay," the doctor handed him some paper towels to clean the stomach before continuing in a very serious voice although Sam could tell that there was something else in there too. "You need to see a regular doctor if you want to have a healthy baby. I don't see why you wouldn't have gone before now and why you would feel ashamed about coming and seeing that your baby was healthy-"

"I didn't know until two weeks ago," Sam blurted out. He forced himself to calm down as he continued. "My boyfriend doesn't want the kid and, and I didn't know how he would feel if I just went and saw the baby and everything. I wasn't trying to neglect my kid."

"So your boyfriend wants you to get an abortion?" At Sam's nod Dr. Hadley sighed. "Listen, I know it may seem very hard but I know a lot of people who say if they had to go back and do it all over again, they would still have the baby. A lot of people who have had abortions wish they could go back and go about it differently. They realize afterwards that there are always other ways. I'm not saying everybody wishes that they didn't have one because there's still those who get one because there's something that prevents them from carrying the pregnancy to term. Financially, medically, or even emotionally are benefactors in the decision to carry out a termination. Do you really want to?"

"NO!" Sam quickly shook his head. "I want this baby. I, um, I don't know what I would do when the baby comes but I have the feeling that out of all the mistakes I have made and everything that I couldn't fix, this is the one thing I could do right. I could give my baby the chance to live," Sam said finally, eyes still on his belly.

"It's your decision okay," Dr. Hadley told him. "Nobody else could make it for you and in the end it will only impact you and your unborn child. If you're serious, take better care of yourself alright?"

Sam nodded fervently knowing that that was what he would do. The doctor handed him the pictures much to his delight and let the nurse reënter to get the second set of vitals he wanted. All he could think about though was the baby. The baby was real and small and just perfect. He always wondered how a baby looked in utero not having gotten the chance before but now, he was ecstatic. Not only that he was having a son. His son. His healthy son.

Gabriel's baby.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

Sam hurriedly explained that everything was okay to Dean as he headed towards the car. Thanks to the baby, he was always real tired but he didn't care about that. His baby was moving inside him and even though he couldn't feel it yet, he smiled at that fact. He wondered then if his baby would have any hair. Would it stay dark or go light like Gabriel's hair. Would he be more like the archangel or more like Sam? Would his personality be more like his or his daddy's? There was so much he wanted to know about his baby and he could no longer wait for the baby to be born.

"Dude, quit thinking too hard. I think you are way too excited about being in the emergency room," Dean grumbled.

Sam gulped having forgot momentarily that he was only in there to check to make sure everything was okay. His asthma didn't flare up though; it was simply a side effect of being body swapped. He idly wondered what Dean's reaction would be to finding out that he got the baby checked out. He seemed half annoyed already that Sam even had to go to the emergency room in the first place.

He decided to give honesty a shot.

"The doctor thought the pregnancy triggered my asthma," he answered moistening his dry lips. As Dean gave him a petulant look, Sam continued. "I may have told about it so I could get some of the answer I needed and let's face it, I needed to see a doctor anyways."

"Yeah and how's the baby?" Dean asked. "Squishy? No, how about small like a pear? The baby probably is so tiny that if it were born now, it wouldn't survive."

Sam nodded confirming at least half of that. He didn't know what size the baby would actually be if it were to come out now but if born, the baby would likely die.

"Well I found out that it looks like a baby," Sam told him, unable to contain the excitement anymore. He thought about showing the ultrasound photos but decided to wait until after he showed Gabriel his kid first. It was only fair.

"What did you think it would look like?" Dean asked rather amused. "I remember when mom was pregnant with you and I saw the ultrasound with you in her stomach. It was so cool and you always had your thumb in your mouth in utero it seemed. Every time mom would need an ultrasound, that's how they would find ya."

Sam smiled at that.

He didn't know a lot about his own mother but he knew that she loved him and even though he would never remember it, he had six months' worth of her loving him. He imagined dad may have been more laid back then and wasn't the hard drill sergeant that he had been later in life. He frowned wondering if Gabriel would warm up to the baby. He was probably off giving just deserts to jerks right now but if he called, he knew that Gabriel would probably come to talk to them. He couldn't bother him though and the longer he didn't, the more he got used to the fact that he was going to be a father.

"Yup, you were also a very noisy baby, especially when you needed something because then you needed it right then and there," Dean continued with a small laugh. "Then again you did bet better and mellowed out. You were really good once you slept through the night."

Sam nodded.

He was still thinking about his own baby and how Gabriel was going to take it to him finding out that the baby was a boy. He frowned thinking that Gabriel might never get used to the idea even though love created the baby and it just felt so right. He wasn't just going to get rid of it just because Gabriel wouldn't accept responsibility for it and he was willing to tell him when he did show up and still wasn't receptive to the baby.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when the phone rang and Sam quickly got it out of his pocket and answered it.

"Castiel? Well we're driving right now. Oh, I'll find out." He pulled the phone from his ear and looked at Dean curiously, definitely taking in the fact that Dean seemed annoyed that Cas didn't call him. "Where are we Dean and where are we going? Castiel wants coordinates. Supposedly there's something he needs to speak with us about."

"Well the next exit is the motel. Tell Cas that if he waits five minutes we could give him the location of the hotel we're staying at and make sure to add that we're looking into local disappearances in the area to make sure there's nothing supernatural snacking on the general population."

Sam nodded and relayed it to Cas.

"Okay so Cas said he'll leave it up to you to call him when we get there." Sam answered, leaning back with a small sigh.

Dean looked annoyed.

"How could you be tired so much? You had an eight hour beauty sleep and you still act like you want to go back to bed."

"You try carrying a baby inside you that takes your nutrients to grow and tell me how tired you are." Sam answered with a small smile.

Dean groaned.

"The day I carry a kid is the day you admit that you were wrong about something," Dean grumbled.

"I'm wrong sometimes, I admit it when I am," Sam quickly retorted. At Dean's look, he continued. "I know when I'm wrong Dean. What did you think the apocalypse has been about so far? I know I messed up and I was wrong. I was wrong about thinking I could have a normal life in the beginning. I am wrong a lot but you know what?"

Dean shrugged.

"No I don't know but you're going to tell me, right?"

Sam smiled.

"I know that the decision to have the baby. I know I did that right."

Sam leaned back and decided to close his eyes for a minute despite Dean's amusement. It was only going to be a minute he told himself. He wondered if Lucifer was going to visit his dreams again like he had the night before and frowned at the thought. He was super powerful and didn't have a problem showing it, but Sam knew that whatever he did, he always stuck by his belief. He thought he was doing the right thing so why couldn't he just talk it out without the big prized fight?

Sam couldn't be sure but he figured if they talked it out, things would be okay again. Not only because they as brothers loved each other like Sam and Dean did but to go so many centuries being miserable. He knew they would get to a point when they see this and maybe the day would come when they actually do that.

There was only so much he could hope for though.

And a prized fight ending without any fighting?

There was no doubt in his mind that anything they did would change that.

* * *

"You took longer than I expected," Cas replied with a frown.

Dean rolled his eyes and Sam looked around wondering if Gabriel was even going to show up. He knew that he was mad at him but he thought that he would at least be here to brainstorm about what was happening out there in the world. Cas turned his frown to Sam and the younger Winchester was surprised to find that Cas's frown only deepened.

"You're still pregnant," he stated and Sam nodded wondering why he was sounding so upset about it.

"Yeah, he is Sherlock and what is up with your dick of a brother?" Dean asked. "So what he doesn't want the responsibility of a child but he made the baby with Sam and he should deal with it!"

Cas looked from one Winchester to the other and seemed to get what they were pointing at. He tipped his head sideways and Dean rolled his eyes wondering what the angel could be thinking about now. He always had something and even though he didn't share it all, what he did was either tips about a local hunt or about something he didn't understand. He wondered what it was this time.

"Dean Gabriel didn't mean to be a jerk; he's just worried about Sam that's all. Who's Sherlock?" he added with a small frown as though he expected the Sherlock person to just jump out and announce himself.

"Right and all he said was get rid of it," Dean replied with an eye roll, ignoring the last comment Cas had made. "He should have stayed and talked to Sam about it since you know, it's their baby!"

Cas nodded forlornly.

"I think he's going to. Sam is still pregnant so he is going to explain and maybe you'll even agree in the end. Gabriel had a lead about something that he's following but he'll be here soon-"

"You agree with Gabriel about the abortion?" Sam interrupted with shock.

"I normally don't but Gabriel seems to love you very much," Cas replied without looking over at him.

Dean glared.

"Well hey if he loves him enough, why not keep the baby?"

Cas really did look like he was trying to get out of telling them himself and Dean sighed, throwing up his hands and sitting back into his chair. If Cas was all for the abortion, so be it to tell the angel exactly everything that was wrong with that. Then there was Gabriel and once he came there, he was so kicking his ass.

He was saved from thinking anymore about actually doing it when the said angel showed up. He didn't look too happy with Sam and Dean couldn't care ales if he or not. Nobody shirked on the responsibility of a baby, nobody. That made Gabriel a bad father in his book and the relationship he had with Sam sounded so surreal, so superficial and he couldn't see them surviving as a couple in the future the way Gabriel was going on.

"Why am I the only sane one here?" Gabriel asked under his breath making them snap to look at him in shock. "Did it ever occur to you that there's a reason I told you not to get pregnant? That there's a rhyme or reason for why I told you to get rid of it in the first place? Even little bro knows and even though he thinks it is better coming from me, he knows the circumstances and thinks it is better doing it this way."

"But I can't kill an innocent life just because you don't think you could handle the baby," Sam blurted out. "I'm not killing our son!"

Gabriel looked at him in shock and Sam quickly backed up thinking that maybe he shouldn't have shouted that out loud. Not when Gabriel was so mad and was trying to talk him into terminating the only thing that was making him happy right now. He made so many people miserable in the past just by the choices he made but the baby was going to make it all right. Every little mistake that he couldn't undo was just that. Something he couldn't take back. Having the baby was a choice he wouldn't have to live with and wonder if he did the right thing. He wouldn't regret it afterwards and Gabriel had to realize that. He loved the baby even before he saw his son on the screen. He couldn't bring himself to even think about the possibility of killing the baby and Gabriel would have to live with it.

"How do you know you are having a son Sam?" Gabriel seemed to be asking carefully. "I don't think this is a guess so I'm guaranteeing that you saw someone for it to know, right?"

At Sam's small nod, trying to make himself small, Dean glared at Gabriel. Nobody had the right to mess with his brother. Nobody, he didn't care who they were was either. He quickly got in between them and crossed his arms defiantly.

"Don't you talk about this like you didn't have a part to play either," Dean snapped angrily. "It takes two to make a baby after all."

Gabriel frowned.

"You're not wrong about that but there's a reason why I'm mad and you just aren't shutting up for me to explain it. Responsibility has nothing to do with it. If it was about that I wouldn't be here now trying to help with the end of the freaking world!"

"Why don't you want this baby then?" Sam asked, a hand falling down to his stomach subconsciously. "Gabriel it's our son. He's not just a bunch of cells like most people make them out to be nor is he not a person. He is and I just can't kill him. This baby, he's innocent and whatever it was I did, it's not his fault-"

"Because I hate the baby!" Gabriel shouted.

Sam backed up to the wall, looking crestfallen at Gabriel's shocked outburst. Whatever it was that he was thinking Gabriel would say, it wasn't that. Gabriel seemed to realize he was being too harsh and shook himself before coming closer.

"I hate the baby Sam. I don't want it and if you're wondering why I told you to get rid of it, it's because you have that baby and it's going to kill you. There's no maybe or if, the baby is going to kill you if you give birth to it."

Dean looked up sharply in shock and Cas confirmed it with a nod. Sam looked even more hurt that Gabriel was saying all this just because the baby would eventually do something he would have no control over. The baby didn't do anything wrong, it was just growing and he didn't know why him having the baby would kill him though. He wondered if it was their ploy to get him to get rid of it. He couldn't. He saw the baby and it was not an option. He shook his head and Gabriel sighed, grasping his shoulders so he would look at him.

Green eyes sought hazel and Sam gulped realizing that Gabriel didn't look mad at all, he looked upset but not at anything Sam seemed to be doing. He did however try to relay something in that one glance but Sam looked away hoping he would change his mind and just go away. He didn't want the baby so why would he hang around?

"Sam," he said gently making Sam snap his head back to him. "I know you don't want to kill an innocent baby. I don't like it either but when it's life or death, I don't want you to die Sam. I'm not lying. A human body isn't designed to handle that much grace and having the baby is going to cause problems so fast, a human has never handled all of a sudden having grace inside their body and then losing it all due to the birthing process. Nobody has survived it, and when I say nobody, not one. Healing somebody isn't an option because it would involve grace that a person would have an overabundance of. I promise I'm not lying though. This baby is going to be the death of you. If there wasn't any danger in losing you I wouldn't mind the baby. I would be okay with it."

He seemed to look so lost but Sam couldn't come to feel with him over this. It was their son and he wanted to give the baby the best chance to live even if it put his life in danger. He'd feel horrible and never get over killing his baby but if he died giving the baby life? At least he did something right for a change.

"We could always have children but you can't have them Sam," Gabriel continued.

Sam finally shook his head.

"I know what you're getting at and that you're worried that I will die but I just can't justify killing something innocent," Sam explained desperate for him to see what he did. "I can't kill our son and think about a future with more children. It's just not me. I can't kill my flesh and blood to satisfy your worry-"

"Sam," Castiel interrupted. "This isn't a maybe death, it's guaranteed that you will. Gabriel isn't lying and I know that you see abortion as murder but there's no way you could continue the pregnancy, it's going to harm you. You can't have the baby early because the baby wouldn't have enough grace to survive and you could rip the baby out through the stomach but the outcome won't change. You will die and if your baby doesn't, the baby is going to be without a father-"

"But it'll be the one thing I got right!" Sam's outburst silenced the room and Sam quickly continued before they could begin to say anything. He had to explain why he had to have the baby. He couldn't kill their son. His heart wouldn't let him. "I've always messed up. I always make mistakes and when given I choice I always make the wrong one. This is something I'm not going to mess up. I love our son and I can't kill him, not when it feels so right. The only right decision I've ever made in my life-"

"You want to die?" Gabriel asked slowly. "Do you really, really want to die?"

Sam gulped and shook his head.

"Nobody plans to die," Sam quickly told him. "I could get hit by a bus or get into a car accident tomorrow and die Gabriel. There's so much I do and if given the choice I don't really want to die. The thought scares me but I can't do it."

Gabriel's hands tightened around his shoulders and Sam winced but said nothing. He seemed to be greatly upset by his admittance that he would rather have the baby, he was even shaking and Sam sucked in a breath realizing that Gabriel wasn't trying to hurt him, he was afraid of losing him that he would be able to live even if Sam couldn't at the thought of killing their son.

"Please reconsider," he said brokenly and Sam had to keep himself from sobbing that he tried to pry himself away from him. Gabriel put his forehead against his keeping him in place and causing Sam to tremble at the emotions that the archangel was expressing. He shuddered thinking what he would do if it was the other way around and couldn't continue that thought. He would probably be protective as well. "I can't lose you Sam."

"You won't lose me," Sam whispered. "I love you and you'll gain something we both made. Our little miracle."

He waited on bated breath but nothing came. Opening his eyes, he saw that he didn't need to and that Gabriel was hurt but it didn't stop him from breaking down and trying to go about his way. He would never kill their son.

"Please forgive me," Gabriel finally whispered back. He pulled Sam in a small kiss, combing a hand through his hair before breaking away and giving Sam one last glance. "I need some time to think."

Sam nodded and closed his eyes trying to get his breathing back to normal. Gabriel just needed time, time to adjust to this and he would be onboard, he told himself. Gabriel loved him and it was obvious now that he wished that he never doubted him in the beginning since Gabriel had replied with wanting him to get rid of the baby. He loved him so much that the thought of losing him even if it was to a baby, their baby, he couldn't handle it.

He broke into a sob at the thought and found arms came around his shoulders, pulling him closer. He finally allowed himself to cry. Cry for the baby that didn't understand and probably never would what it would do just by living, he cried for his brother who only wanted to keep Sam safe, he cried for those who broke down and did what was asked because they couldn't live without the other, and more importantly, he just cried for Gabriel. If he thought it was hard on him, it was nothing to how Gabriel would take it later down the road.

"It's okay Sam, I know it seems bad right now but maybe we could beat this. We've beaten death before-"

"This is different Dean," Cas quickly interrupted. "This is more different from anything you ever faced. This baby will be born and Sam will die. He most likely will stay dead. There would be nothing in this world that could bring your brother back should he choose to continue the pregnancy."

Dean was looking at Sam though and not Cas as the angel explained and even though Sam knew what was coming, he didn't think he wanted to hear it again. He couldn't stand one more person heartbroken at the thought and begging him to save himself so they wouldn't lose him. Dean did neither, just hugging him close before speaking up.

"Is this what you really want to do?" Sam looked up in shock and Dean shrugged. "It's your body Sam and if you say you want to keep the baby, well it's your choice but it has to be something you want to do. And don't worry so much about Gabriel. He's heartbroken yes but he'll shape up and support you. He will, I know he will."

Sam snorted.

"How could he ever get through this?"

Dean laughed.

"For someone telling me about true love, you are pretty dense when it comes to yourself. Because he loves you silly and when it comes down to it, he would rather spend the moments he could with you than stay away and angry at the choices you made. That's what love is about. Making sacrifices even when it could end up wrong and by following your heart you could never go wrong."

Sam nodded.

"I love him so much Dean and I don't want him to hurt but I also love this baby." Sam paused seeing that Cas looked about ready to interrupt again, maybe to say something against it but held his tongue for which Sam was glad about that because he didn't want to scrutiny. He didn't want the judgment but more importantly, he wanted to believe his brother.

"This is something I want."

* * *

A/N: Next chapter will be in Gabriel's POV


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

*******This chapter has mentions of a past abortion and the thought of abortion*******

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

Gabriel hadn't been around to visit the Winchesters in weeks. He knew that they would wonder where he was but he couldn't bring himself to even think about what was going through his head at the moment. He could say this was why he ran with the pagans and that it was to avoid having feelings like this but he was lying to himself. He fell in love before and before liking a pagan, he thought she was the center of his world. She really did want to get rid of the baby though when he told her what it could do and not only that but she thought that her parents would disown her if they found out and being that it was the 17th century, they would have tarred her as well.

Killing the unborn child didn't go as planned and she had died. He hadn't lied to Sam when he told him that and he continuously wondered since then if life had any value if it could even be taken from the womb. He didn't think after that though because it would have saved her if it was done right and she wouldn't have died. There were plenty of people making the choice to end a life like that and who was he to tell them differently? It was free choice and if they decided that they didn't want their baby, they had the right.

It wasn't until he met the Winchesters that he began to revisit all the things he thought he knew over centuries. Now he was revisiting the thought of abortions ever since Sam told him he was going to keep their baby, his life be damned. It wasn't the first time a human had done that. Someone got cancer and instead of seeking treatment they sought to save their baby's life, giving up their own chance to live and he always thought those people were selfish. Honestly, they did that knowing they were leaving behind broken people but Sam, Sam wasn't doing it just for the baby. He wanted to believe it was the right choice and he wanted to make all those past mistakes he made right by choosing life.

Castiel visited again.

He had said something about vampires and he made his little brother promise to watch over Sam even though he could tell the angel was wanting him to go over and do it himself. He snorted. The baby might be his and Sam may have stolen his heart at some point but there was no way that he was going to listen to the other angel that hadn't been on earth long sit there and tell him that it was Sam's choice and if he wanted to do something, he had the free will to.

Everything changed when it happened to him.

* * *

"This is crazy."

Dean dropped the bag on the floor and Sam nodded his agreement. He was worried that something could happen to the baby since he was technically dead for a good two minutes but he didn't know what to say to the doctors. Sighing, he brought his hand over his baby bump, marveling how it gotten bigger, not by much but he could notice the difference since he needed to go a size up in jeans and his shirts were starting to get tight even. Turning back to Dean, he thought about their little trip to the past. Cas was probably still stuck in the past until he either drew enough grace or somebody went and got him.

Sudden movements in his gut made Sam gasp and put his hand at the spot in surprised shock. He waited with a frown wondering if it was all a fluke and he was just imagining it when it happened again. It felt strange. He had no other way to describe it and it happened once more before Sam was able to place it.

"Dean, my baby is okay."

Dean nodded.

"Good for you. At least we know you two are fine. Stupid Cas I thought he would pick up his phone by now. Should we just call Gabriel and ask him to get his butt in gear and take brotherly responsibility enough to get him?"

Sam frowned and shook his head.

Before Dean could protest, Sam said, "He isn't handling the baby thing well. I know that it seems cruel of him to do but he ran away from his family for so long that nothing affected him. When it did, he took a step back and viewed the problem as an outsider. The phrase, 'I'm not gonna care because it can't happen to me' is a fitting one. He thought that and now he's in love and there's the fact that he now cares too much and he can't just back away from it all Dean. He's not coping very well."

"Well it's his loss. That baby is gonna be better off without him anyways," Sam rolled his eyes and then fell silent.

"You think I'm doing the right thing right? Keeping the baby I mean. I know you don't want to lose me too but-"

"I'm not talking about this Sam because it'll get back to the whole controversial topic and we both know how that'll end up," Dean snapped instead. Sam got the gist of it though and frowned as he realized what Dean wasn't saying.

"You really thought I should don't you?" Sam asked a little awed by the revelation. "Why would you want a baby to die for something he could do? It's not like this innocent little guy just decided that one day he was going to cause his parents to argue because he was going to kill one of them just by being born! He doesn't and will never understand! He's too innocent and there's nothing wrong with wanting to preserve that-"

"I SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" Silence rang for about a minute and then Dean held his head as though he was getting a migraine. Sam wisely shut up about it but that didn't help any. "I didn't want to talk about it because I know you love that baby Sam. Yes I believe abortion is the best option but only because you're my little brother. I've done everything I could to make sure that you're safe and healthy but if what they're saying is true, you're not going to survive and the baby is going to lose one of his parents. Can you even begin to think what that would do to a kid? Could you imagine what it would do to know every single day that they inadvertently caused their parent to die? So yes I believe abortion is the best option you have but I'm not you Sam and I'm not going to force you into it."

"But it's a baby and the baby is alive and growing and, and," Sam trailed off looking hurt. Dean turned around so he didn't have to watch it. Sure Sam didn't think about himself often enough but he didn't realize how much hell everyone that cared for him would go through if he were to die. "Dean my son is already formed and late abortions aren't reasonable-"

"Yeah because you know so much about abortion," Dean snapped and turned back to fishing the first aid kit from the bathroom to put in their bag.

Sam opened his mouth to retort when Cas suddenly appeared and although Cas was nice about it giving a nice excuse about not wanting him to miscarry the baby from the weight of an angel on him, Sam knew it was a poor one. Once Cas was knocked out on the bed, Sam turned to go to the bathroom, making an excuse that he knew that Dean wouldn't buy and quickly shut the door behind him.

Only then did he allow the sobs to break loose. Holding a fist over his mouth, he muffled it as much as he could even though he knew it was useless.

Nobody in the world except him cared for this baby and he didn't know what he was gonna do. He tried telling himself that life was better than murder because this baby was something God had put into him knowing there was challenge and believing he could handle it. He couldn't believe he would think this but maybe it would be best. He didn't want to make anybody miserable as he was apparently doing and simpering down, he eyed his cell phone for a couple of moments before placing the call.

The only thing that was in his mind was if he could do it.

Could he really kill his unborn child?

* * *

Sam tried not to seem transparent as he fought his way through the throng of people. He was wearing two layers of clothing including his jacket so he felt that if anybody was to make a connection with what he was doing, they didn't seem to think much of it. Biting his lip, he took out the paper he sought and realized with a prolonged sigh that he had quite a ways to go. The baby was oddly quiet in his stomach today and he figured that the baby probably sensed what he was planning to do. He could only hope that nobody hated him after he did what they wanted him to all along.

He quickly sat on a bench when his back started to hurt from walking such a long distance and he told himself he was definitely taking the bus back. He couldn't go there by bus and he didn't ask for the car since he didn't want anybody to judge him. He forced himself to calm down and remember the conversation he had had yesterday with the receptionist when he popped the question.

**_*Flash Back*_**

_"Misty Eubanks speaking, how can I help you sir or mam?" _

_Sam took a deep breath trying to get control before he started sobbing his whole story instead of calmly asking the questions. He still didn't know if he wanted to do this and he didn't know if he should. Oh God, it's just a little baby, he thought struggling against flinching._

_"Yeah, I was wondering about abortion and I need some more information-"_

_He was cut off by the young woman who seemed to take a joy in explaining how it would happen despite Sam just wondering about the baby and if it would hurt the baby. Did it hurt to die from abortion? He didn't know, his mom had chosen life for him and he suddenly felt overwhelmed like he was letting everyone down. It was hard though. How could he justify this? He would die if he had the baby so he had to kill a life to live himself? How was that not selfish? He gulped and interrupted her mid-sentence with a question of his own._

_"In a procedure, how much will the baby actually feel?" He could feel himself trembling and his lips felt dry. Closing his eyes, he wished that there was another way so he could avoid this. He didn't want this to happen._

_"Well there are a lot of options, how far along are you?"_

_"Eighteen weeks," Sam admitted guiltily._

_"Well that's not too bad. Normally someone could choose to have an abortion from the sixth week all the way up to sometimes even forty weeks! It won't hurt the baby if you choose induction or D and E. Both are highly recommended during second trimester abortions, after sixteen weeks and if you want I could just make an appointment for the counselor to talk to you the first day. If you aren't ready for a baby, you shouldn't have one. So would you like the appointment?"_

_Sam felt his mouth go dry and he paused wondering if talking to them might help ease his fears or maybe he could even talk himself out of it just by visiting to find out what a D and E procedure was. The induction didn't sound too flattering to him, neither did but he wanted to make sure even if he had gone through with it that his baby wouldn't be in any pain._

_He just hoped his heart could accept the fact that he was even thinking about it._

**_*End Flashback*_**

Sam paused taking in the scene for a moment. It really concerned him that he hadn't felt a kick yet and instantly felt bad for feeling that way as he was planning to stop that. He quickly gulped back a sob and continued on hoping that he could eventually come to forgive himself. He finally found himself in front of a nice little white building and initially found himself thinking it shouldn't look that nice. It shouldn't even be opened. He quickly went in and checked in at the front desk although he was visibly shaking now.

"Are you okay sir?" the receptionist asked to which he forced himself to nod, swallowing at the thought of what he was doing.

He took a seat near the back and made himself as little as possible. He felt a hard kick and tried not to cry. The baby was scared if there was anything to go by and he tried to ignore it as best he could. He wasn't getting one today even if he did have an appointment. The counselor would talk to him and he would decide the best course of action.

_Didn't Jess also pick the best course of action?_

Sam brought his head up in shock and tried to shove that right back into his subconscious. He didn't want to remember that, not here and not now. It wouldn't give him peace however and it seemed like now that he was at a place he told himself he would never enter, he was being forced to remember all those years ago that he thought he would forget. Not everything, God definitely not everything. He would always remember what he would have named her.

_Like you're going to remember what you could have always name your little boy._

Sam heard his alias being called and quickly wiped his eyes dry, trying to stay calm for the vital signs being taken but he found himself unable to. The nurse sighed when the manual blood pressure came up a little high.

"Please sir, you need to calm down. I know you want only the counseling but what if we could fit you in today? Wouldn't you rather be calm now?" She told him clucking her tongue as though she couldn't believe he wouldn't be happy.

"Does it hurt-"

"Honey be real. You are eighteen weeks according to the records and there is no way in hell that it would be painless. You could shove a needle in the heart to make the process less painful but nothing is going to be painless-"

Sam choked hearing that and the nurse sighed rubbing his back.

"On the brighter side, you wouldn't be here if you wanted to keep it so bad."

"Him," Sam corrected.

The nurse shrugged.

"It's never going to have a name nor is it ever going to be born so what does it matter? It's not a baby until it's born."

Sam shook his head dazed.

"Uh, are you pro-choice?" He thought she was but under closer inspection she seemed to be wearing a cross necklace which meant she was religious. How was she here if that was possible and then he remembered the statistics a while back that seven out of ten claimed to be religious when they got their abortions.

"I am but do you believe you're making a fair choice. Those who don't make their own decisions end up killing themselves and you are sweet but are you sure this is right for you?"

"You aren't trying to sell abortion down my throat?"

"One loss doesn't matter. Where we lose you there's bound to be five more wanting to terminate their pregnancy," she said with a shrug. "Besides you are aren't you? You agreed to it even."

Sam nodded silently and the nurse still looked over sharply.

"Well go sit down until you calm down and I could retake the blood pressure."

Sam nodded and went to the same spot.

Several people were coming in and by the looks of it, they came to the decision of abortion. They were either young or didn't have the means for the child whether it was financially or mentally. Sam was pretty sure he was going to die but suddenly he realized that was the better of the two evils. Would he rather kill himself from the guilt or have something that would be a special meaning. He loved this baby and feeling the kick, he tried to keep his crying under control.

He jumped seeing someone else enter and they didn't look anxious at all.

_I've always wondered if Kayleigh would be like her mom or if she would be like me. I found myself wishing that she hadn't done it, that she would have had her and given her away so that I could find her later in life and be glad that she was okay. Thanks to that I'll never know if Kayleigh was going to have my eyes or Jess's or how she would act. She should've been a carefree little girl and the only reason she wasn't was because she was made during school. How could I justify this when I miss something I could've had that wasn't even a part of me at the time? Sure she was made because of me but she was in somebody else's stomach and she was ejected like she didn't matter. I loved her without even knowing her and she was gone too soon. There are still many years I can't make up for because nothing I could do could make amends for that._

Sam finally jumped up from the chair and walked out, ignoring the stares. He couldn't do it and he wasn't going to. Jess got an abortion in the past because the baby was in the way of her reaching her goals and she wanted to get a stable career before she even thought of having children. It didn't matter now but at the time she was desperate and she didn't care that she ended her little girl's life. She was just happy that it was over.

With all that guilt at letting her choose what she wanted to do Sam realized that he wanted the baby and loved the baby that he didn't even know. He just wanted to take all that back and try to talk Jess into keeping the baby. She reassured him though that it was the best thing they could do and he tried to forget. Weeks and many many months proved it to be impossible and it took seeing a friend that was taking psychology classes to realize why.

**_*Flash Back*_**

_"I was hoping you could help me Jasmen," he quickly sought her out, knowing she knew the mind better than anybody and she could help him without ever knowing that she was indeed helping him._

_"Okay Winchester dork what's up?" She asked with a smile that belayed her harsh words. The corner of his lip turned upward and he quickly took a deep breath. He could do this, he told himself._

_"I know someone who's friend just had an abortion and it turns out the baby was the friends and there should be relief. There's no baby and college is hard enough to raise a baby so why isn't my friend feeling better? Why isn't he feeling the relief that comes with the burden being lifted? He just wants to sleep Jasmen and I think I-he should do something about it before it gets too noticeable."_

_Jasmen shook her head but if she knew from his slip up, she didn't say._

_"Men feel the pain just as well as women you know? You could say that the unborn baby and the mother are the only ones affected but it's not true. I'd tell this friend that he's probably feeling guilty because he wanted the baby but let the girlfriend choose because he loved her and thought of what was best for her first and foremost. I'd also suggest to him not to think that it was an abortion and a rejection that obviously stung him horribly. Instead think of it like a miscarriage or maybe a death in the family. Death hurts like nobody's business but have him name the baby and say the baby's name so that he could get used to the feel of the name on his tongue. He'll never forget the abortion but he could remember that the baby is in a better place and they'll reunite again someday."_

_"What kind of name?" Sam asked suddenly._

_She just smiled._

_"Pick it out yourself, I know you'll do fine. Just don't think of the abortion aspect you silly goose. Really think like you had a wanted pregnancy and all of a sudden the baby just died. Couples have names picked out early, it happens. Just remember the baby to remember it. It'll be better in time."_

_Sam nodded._

_Whether she told Jess he never knew but he didn't and sometimes just adding Kayleigh's well-being in his nightly prayers helped ease the burn. She was in heaven and she was okay. God loved all his children and she was in good hands. _

_He had to believe that or else he'd never forgive himself._

**_*End of Flash Back*_**

Sam placed a hand on his outstretched stomach and smiled fondly when he could feel the baby kicking in rapid sessions, giving him the comfort that his baby boy was still alive. Whatever happened he couldn't do it and he just wished that the others would understand. It was hell when he knew the regret he had with Kayleigh, it would be worse if he did the same thing he knew in his heart he didn't want to do.

He was following his heart and he was choosing life.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

Dean didn't mean to be so worried but Sam was there one moment and he was okay with that. He let Sam have some privacy because he was a big boy but suddenly it was like he just upped and disappeared from sight and he couldn't stand the thought of where he would have gotten off to. What if somebody else knew about the baby and kidnapped his brother? Should he call Gabriel? No, he quickly shook that idea away. Sam didn't want Gabriel to be around much because he couldn't cope. It just went to prove that the angel was definitely not worth it when it came to his little brother. Sam would never know he thought that though.

He was just about ready to call his younger brother again when the door cracked open and the younger Winchester slid through. Dean dropped everything and quickly pulled him towards him for a tight hug. He was just glad that Sam wasn't hurt and with that thought, Dean found himself inwardly depressed. If he couldn't stand displacing him for one minute, he couldn't see how he was going to cope when and if Sam died when he had the baby.

"Sam you aren't hurt are you?"

Sam shook his head instead of answering, pulling back to pull off his jacket. Sam had it off and Dean's eyes widened when he actually saw where the evidence of the baby was when the shirt rode up a little too high and revealed the small baby bump. He gaped wondering why he never even asked to see that before. Was he really that cruel that he wouldn't do that just because he had feelings that Sam didn't agree with? The baby was still his nephew and he couldn't just deny and forget what was going to happen.

"How far along are you Sam?" Dean asked and saw Sam look surprised. He didn't blame him since he never asked him that before.

"I'm eighteen weeks," he answered with a look of concern.

Dean nodded.

"Man I can't pretend anymore, Sam you need to tell me where you go so I don't worry. You know especially since Lucifer wants to make you his bitch."

Sam nodded in understanding although he avoided looking at him. Dean sighed and tried to press the issue. He really wanted to know why Sam was feeling guilty when he couldn't remember anything Sam may have done to make him mad. Sure he didn't like the idea of a baby being born that was going to kill his brother but he wasn't mad about that. The last time he had been was when he was sucking the demon's blood.

"Well Sam?"

"I was at an abortion clinic," Sam admitted roughly.

Dean nodded and then looked horror-struck. Nothing could compare to what he was feeling now knowing that he unknowingly caused his brother to go. He didn't want to pressure his brother into anything and now he was worried Sam had done something he was going to regret only because they didn't see eye to eye on something.

"You," he paused hoping he didn't come off as apathetic. "You are still pregnant right?"

Sam nodded.

"Then why would you go Sam? I told you what I thought because you asked earlier. That doesn't mean you go to an abortion clinic thinking it's your only option because we don't agree," Dean had to put this out so his brother would understand. He had to understand. "Why in the hell would you go after you have fought for this kid? I'm so stupid and I'm sorry Sam but don't do that again. You love that baby and you love the one that made you that baby so that's enough right?"

Sam nodded again covering his face.

Dean felt even more horrible than he had before and pulled Sam into a hug again, tightening it when Sam started to sob into his shoulder. It was his job to protect his younger brother, not make him break down. He felt tears at the corners of his eyes and quickly suppressed the urge to cry out. Sam was worth everything to him; all last year was testament to that. He died for him and they weren't as strong when they were apart. He rested his chin on the top of Sam's head while willing his heart to slow down and to reassure himself that everything was still okay.

"I couldn't do it Dean," Sam whispered. "I went there to just talk, that's what the appointment was about but I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't-couldn't-"

Dean just held his brother providing the comfort that he knew his brother needed. I wish I were as strong as you Sammy, he thought as he closed his eyes, just concentrating on the fact that he had Sam here. I'm never going to be as strong as you and in a few months' time I'll have to live without you. I can't do that Sammy but for you, I'll try.

But don't make me promise that, cause I still don't know if I'll be able to stand it, he thought with such resignation. For now he was just content with having him here. He was here and some months from now when he had the baby, he might not be.

And nothing would be able to prepare him for when the time would come that he would be without him either.

* * *

"So I've decided to help on the next little hunt."

Dean was overly annoyed but Sam couldn't really get them to get along so he chose to roll his eyes and cross his arm over his stomach. He since then ditched any effort to try to get them to talk as well. Gabriel was smirking at the notion that he was going to be going on a hunt although Sam could tell that he was merely curious on what the steps usually involved whilst they were on one.

"No," Dean quickly snapped.

Castiel was here as well and he looked honestly confused about why this was such a problem. Sam wondered if he should just go ahead and pick something up for them to eat. He had craved Chinese food all day for some reason and could barely concentrate on anything let alone sitting in front of a computer to research anything. He since had given up once Dean and Gabriel looked like they were ready to hash it out however.

"Why not? It's not like Gabriel is going to send us to anymore dimensions?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

So much for staying out of it, Sam thought with a silent mental sigh. He saw Gabriel linger at the small swell in his abdomen that was getting more noticeable the more the baby grew. It was especially noticeable since he had on a simple t-shirt that actually fit without donning the extra button up shirt and jacket. Dean rolled his eyes and continued on like Sam didn't say anything.

"I thought you were still crying about how unfair your life was," Dean snapped causing Gabriel to just smirk. Sam wasn't stupid to think that it couldn't affect Gabriel by now. He just smirked because he knew that it drove Dean up a wall. "Don't you want to go off and cry some more? I don't think you are done angsting enough."

"I think we can all agree to disagree," Cas quickly inputted. "Besides I think you should agree that your job is to look after Sam anyways. Isn't it your baby that he's carrying?"

Gabriel frowned and Sam wondered if he truly hated the baby. Every time the conversation even went towards the baby, even if it wasn't any baby in particular, Gabriel would laugh it off and change the subject quickly as though he had been burnt. He didn't seem to care at all about the fact that he was going to be a father and Sam understood, he just thought he would acknowledge the fact he would be a parent soon. It still hurt that he refrained from anything having to with it though.

"Cassie, you are still so mad at me," Gabriel stated with a frustrated sigh. "What happened to that small fledgling that looked up to me?"

"That fledgling grew up and realized that the one they looked up to was nothing more than a coward," Cas replied coldly.

Gabriel winced.

"Ouch, it's almost like you are saying that you hate me little bro but that's okay. I'll make it up to you one day, I swear. How about this, when the baby is born I'll make you the god father. That would make things a little better right?"

Cas and Dean gaped at him whilst Sam thought about it. Honestly that would be ideal and he could make the other one Dean. That would pull them together quicker and by not making Lisa the godmother, maybe Dean would eventually see that Lisa wasn't right for him. For some reason though, he realized that there was a fat chance he'd ever see Dean and Cas get their heads out of their asses and find each other, not in this life time anyways.

Before Dean could open his mouth to argue, Sam spoke up.

"Perfect and Dean could be the other god father." At Gabriel's smirk, Sam nodded.

It seemed that they were finally talking about the baby now. Sam smiled and was about to open his mouth when he quickly caught a small bag to prevent it from hitting him in the face. He raised an eyebrow and Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Bring back Chinese food or something. That there is money and rolls of coins. I've got stuff to do and you're not thinking straight without the food you crave and when you have a craving, oh is it horrible." Sam frowned wondering why he would change the subject now.

"But Gabe I think we should talk-"

"Nope, go get it now. I have some things I have to do that I just remembered and it's going to be something I'm going to need to focus on for now." It was his code word for, 'I have to forget that I'm losing the one I love to a son I don't want.' Sam nodded although a bit sadly and just caught the keys, not even bothering to complain about whether he should or not take the impala as well.

Maybe he would just decide to stay at Bobby's, he thought morbidly once he was in the car. Dean hardly let him do anything anymore, Cas most of the time ignored him unless the questions were important, Bobby called him with disguised updates when he really wanted to know how he was doing, and Gabriel was the worse so far. He didn't acknowledge anything. He didn't want anything from him anymore either. Sam wasn't even sure if he had anyone else he was physical with but at this point he wouldn't doubt it. He wasn't going to just get rid of the baby though.

Making his brother and Cas the god parents was a good judgment call though. He made sure to keep his eyes on the road and drive carefully along the pavement. He knew Dean would be an excellent choice and Cas could learn about kids from him. And if Sam survived the birth, well he would learn to be a good parent from his baby. He was sure that he could anyways. Parenting didn't come with a handbook.

But first he had to find a way to do that and he needed Gabriel to talk, which he wasn't doing.

* * *

"Bang up job!"

Dean was pissed.

Sam winced and wondered if Dean was going to yell at him. They had to defeat famine and the only thing that had worked was the demon blood which he regretted. Throwing up got old the first three to four months of pregnancy and now it wasn't even related and the churning in his gut made him think he was dying. He didn't know how he could be so hungry and yet so violently sick at the same time.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a wet wash cloth being placed at the back of his neck. Gabriel seemed to take a break from whatever thing was calling his name. He shrugged and moaned as he prepared to throw up again. They needed to get him to the panic room so he wouldn't be a danger to himself and/or others. Gabriel just snorted and Sam moaned realizing that there was blood in the vomit, wondering now if he should panic or not. He didn't have the strength that he should have had and he was pretty sure that it was too hot as well.

"Stupid," Gabriel said with a snort, ignoring Dean's curses as he gave Sam one of his incredulous looks. "You can't drink demon blood. I don't think it infected the baby but the baby is using its grace to push all the impure blood back up. Whatever blood you burned when you used it against famine is gone and can't be pushed back up but the rest is going to suck."

"Kill me now please," Sam groaned making Gabriel snort and cross his arms.

"That would be too much of a mercy kill and besides what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." At Sam's glare, Gabriel became serious. "Sammy, you can't do that. You can't rely on the baby's growing grace because that would be more grace in your body that has to leave when you push the baby out and the harder it will be for you to survive if there is a one percent chance. Will you not make situations where you would borrow that grace and try as much as possible to just do background research for hunts from now on?"

"But it's boring-"

Gabriel cut off his whining with a sad smile.

"I know that it won't be long. You're what twenty weeks now?" Sam nodded verifying it with a surprised look. "I know I'm going to lose it although it is still taking more than I can handle to say that now but I would rather it be later rather than sooner. I don't want you to die at all and if there was one way I could find that could do it, I would in a heartbeat."

"You don't want the kid though," Sam said sadly, watching a flicker of something pass through Gabriel's eyes although he covered it up. Sam whimpered as he felt more cramp like pains in his stomach before he ended up throwing up again. "Why would you hate our baby when the thing he could do he would never even understand doing? He doesn't plan on destroying a life by being born and-"

"That's enough," Gabriel warned. "I don't want to think about that when-when I see you Sammy."

Sam frowned and Gabriel forced himself to smile although Sam could tell it wasn't reaching his eyes. He sighed and leaned his head over the toilet again until Gabriel brought him back so that he was resting against him.

"What if I have to throw up again?" Sam asked and Gabriel laughed at that.

"Well if you tell me, I'll make sure you make it in the bowl and not anywhere else." He frowned then and brought a hand through Sam's hair all the while looking down right miserable. "I'm not trying to avoid everything but I really don't think I could ever agree with the baby. This baby is gonna kill you and I'm not going to pretend that everything is alright. I can't do that. I never had to deal with losing someone I honestly loved beyond my family and that was so hurtful there is no way I'm experiencing the pain of loss again. I just can't Sam, it's nothing personal but this baby. This baby I can't-"

"I figured the less of the two evils. I could die by Lucifer if I was to say yes or I could have the baby and a part of me and our love will live on-"

"Why am I on team free will then?" Gabriel snapped. "My little brother still hates me although he will never understand why I ditched in the first place and Dean could care ales what happens to me. The only person that doesn't greet me with an attitude or just ignores me on principle is going to die soon and not because of my older power-hungry brother. I'm just tired Sam, tired of doing so much and losing far more. I left heaven because I couldn't stand the fight that was destroying everyone up there. I went with the pagans and for centuries, I didn't have to worry about loving someone to the point that I feel like I'd die myself if I lost them. Now though, I don't know. I don't think I'd be able to just ignore everything when it happens to you. I can't. I don't want to and I can't just raise a baby knowing you're gone because of the implications of not having you here with me."

"I honestly can't get an abortion Gabe," Sam told him wearily.

Gabriel nodded.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't act like this. Come on let's get to the bed and I'll have a trash can if you need to throw up or something. I don't want you to have to sleep in the bathroom," he added helping Sam stand and reach the bed that was only about two to three feet away.

Sam laid there and Gabriel hesitated for a millisecond before getting on the other side with him. Sam smiled and cuddled up to him causing Gabriel to roll his eyes and lightly flick his nose. He didn't complain though when the Winchester laid a head on his chest, only pulling him closer. He didn't expect to feel anything and looking at Sam in surprise, he looked down at the bulge thinking if it were possible that the brute in there had done something. It felt weird, something he never experienced before and gingerly placing his hand on it, he quickly pulled it away with more surprise at feeling the same thing.

Sam just smiled and shook his head.

"The baby is kicking more than usual you know," he told him and Gabriel eyed him in shock. He wondered if Gabriel realized this and frowned. "The baby knows you. I think he's happy that you're around and just can't contain the kicks although I don't think-"

He was cut off when Gabriel pulled him into a bruising heartfelt kiss. Sam kissed back with the same passion, glad that the archangel was finally acknowledging something. Gabriel broke off to kiss elsewhere making Sam arch when Gabriel hit the sensitive side on his neck. The other just smirked knowingly as he continued his way down and paused after licking around his belly button. He writhed underneath Gabriel and moaned at the loss of contact. He lifted himself up a little wondering why Gabriel stopped and saw a frown on his face making him worried that Gabriel was going to stop because he realized the same thing, he was going to lose him and it would be to an unplanned baby that he could do without.

Gabriel didn't say that though.

"If I do this, is the baby going to feel it?" he asked instead. "It would be weird to know that when we, uh, copulate that the baby would be inside you and it could hurt it or traumatize it so-"

"Do you ever read?" Sam asked in disbelief. "The baby isn't going to feel anything nor will the baby ever remember to be traumatized. Now let's 'copulate' because I've been wanting to do this for days and getting off in the shower just isn't enough sometimes."

At Gabriel's knowing smirk Sam groaned and brought him down on top of him. Gabriel was here real as he can be and he didn't hate him. He didn't even think he really hated the baby. He was glad that he was actually still around instead of running off. He broke out of his thoughts with a big whiny moan and Gabriel laughed as he attached his mouth to the pulse point of his neck again.

"I'm going to get every inch of you baby," he told him wiggling his eyebrows. "I'm going to get every nook and cranny so that I'll know what makes you go crazy. We have the time and you aren't going anywhere. Not to the panic room, not in a car. Dean is probably bitching to Lisa how I'm just some stupid heedless creature but I care and even more, I care about you. How's about I show it?"

Sam didn't complain.

In fact he was all for agreement.

He lost all thought when Gabriel continued his ministrations and arched his stomach.

He definitely loved Gabriel more than life.

This baby was definitely proof of it.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

"I always come back and I never contemplate how much of an annoyance you two make of these supernatural creatures until now." Gabriel paused seeing the blood still on the beds and winced. "Do you think that from now on you could I don't know, keep from giving me the equivalence to a human heart attack? I mean not being able to feel the bond was bad enough and then I found out that you two were shot and brought back to heaven where Zachy was being such a pain in the ass. That's it, I'm hitting Zachy in the gonads the next time I see him!"

"STOP TALKING!" Dean finally shouted. "You angels give me a fricking headache. I haven't even been alive for ten minutes now and you are giving lectures already. I'm fine, Sam's fine, and hell for some miraculous reason; his baby is kicking up a storm! I'm glad we're all alright but for whatever reason I don't need to hear you talk for the next hour on bonds and why we should contact you."

Gabriel huffed and left with a flap of his wings leaving them alone. Dean gave a sigh of relief that did nothing to make Sam happy knowing that his brother chased the angel away who was only worried for their well-being and for once was bringing up that fact. He kept his mouth shut though knowing it would only provoke Dean who was still mad about the things he saw in heaven. He couldn't have realized though that those weren't his best memories. He liked being normal for the time that he was but those weren't the best memories he had and Dean didn't realize that. What he saw in heaven didn't change though and Sam was willing to make it up to him until Dean realized that himself.

"So is there anything else you need or do I need another reminder of how you wished you led a normal life?" Dean asked rather sarcastically when Sam went to open his mouth and comment on something.

He quickly closed it and let out a yelp when he felt a surprisingly strong kick as though there was some kind of warning. He quickly sat at the edge of the bed, still mindful of the hour before when they had been shot. He shook his head wondering if it had been an hour since then or technically more. He just paused when another thunderous kick made him groan. He couldn't help feeling worried. He was only twenty two weeks and the baby's grace was not enough to sustain outside in the world, it was too soon.

"You okay?" Dean asked still a little too gruffly.

Sam nodded, calming down when the baby seemed to have settled down some. Cas showed up soon after and just looked at Sam as though he grew a second head. He didn't address the concerns and instead turned to Dean and addressed him like he usually did, ignoring Sam since it was obvious there wasn't anything concerning with what he saw.

"What did Joshua say?"

Dean looked at him for a moment before replying.

"It's a bust Cas, God doesn't care about the apocalypse. I don't think he ever did," he added making Cas nod in sadness.

"Here's your pendent back. It's worthless."

Dean didn't seem to disagree and Sam waited in bated breath as Dean seemed to wait until Cas was done talking, holding it like it was the most vile thing possible. Cas did turn around and faced Sam with a curious look that not even Dean ignored anymore.

"Something you find interesting about my brother?"

"The baby survived is weird enough," Cas told him. "He wasn't shot in the stomach and since he was returned from heaven I guess the baby would of course be okay. The thing I find weird now is that there is now swirls of blue and gold along with the white we've first seen when Sam found out about the pregnancy. It's not a normal pregnancy by any means but this, this is impossible. Not even an archangel nephilim could reach this level, only the really special could and it hasn't happened. It may have been possible but this isn't the first child that Gabriel has made with someone either. It's what we see with the innocent first child of an archangel. Your child isn't Gabriel's first nor is it special. Therefore I shouldn't be seeing those colors."

"You mean he didn't lie when he talked about a previous abortion attempt that killed mother and baby?" Sam asked bewildered.

Cas looked bewildered just at the fact alone that Gabriel told Sam that.

"Yeah, he loved that girl and didn't want her dying. She actually wanted to be with him and didn't think to become useless to save their child," he admitted making Sam feel worse than he had been.

"I don't get it," Sam finally said finding his voice. "You are angels and you should value life even if it's not the idealist thing for you, it's still an innocent life. I thought you angels would have been pro-life."

"Gabriel doesn't want to lose you. I think if he was so concerned he should have never slept with you," Cas continued as though Sam didn't say anything. "Of course he probably thought you wouldn't ever like him like that and since it takes love to make an angel baby, he didn't bother thinking straight. A Heart's desires are there way before a person is aware anyhow."

Sam just sighed and decided not to reply to that. If that was Cas's way of blaming him for making everyone else's lives miserable, he wasn't going to be baited into an argument. Who cared about the colored aura of his unborn child anyways? He saw it as an innocent child who was going to have life and feeling the kid move made him happier than he ever believed.

"I need to go," Cas suddenly told them and before they could even say anything else, he left as well. Dean sighed and looked at the amulet as though it was something he hated with a passion.

Sam wondered if he remembered that Sam had given it to him and calculatively held his breath when he saw Dean throw the reminder into the trash can on the way out. He tried to keep himself from making a big deal of it and waited until he couldn't spot Dean before fishing it out himself. He almost yelped when it felt a little hot in his hand and quickly snatched it by the nylon instead, refusing to let any part of the amulet come into contact with his skin again.

He was almost happy when he remembered that it always burnt hot when in the presence of God and openly gaped. Did that mean…He paused eying his outstretched stomach. God wouldn't condone anything like this, he thought wildly. But the amulet was burning bright and Cas even said the aura was different….he paused again and let out a small smile. This alone made him realize what he was fighting everyone for when it came to his baby. It was this special baby that was only special because it showed how much love he had for Gabriel that it created their son.

And if there was any clue that he had for doing the right thing by keeping him, this was another indicator that he was doing it right. He placed the amulet in his pocket and jumping at the blast of the horn, he quickly shut the door behind him.

God didn't abandon them.

He still very much believed in humanity and this as much was his proof enough.

It was up to humans whether they believed.

Sending a quick prayer of thanks, he rushed out to meet Dean less he decided to stop being patient and drive off.

* * *

Sometimes Sam wished he could drink.

Dean was drinking plenty whilst being under lock and key since he decided it was okay to say yes to being a vessel. Cas drinking a whole liquor store was the only hilarious thing about the last four weeks. Being twenty six weeks shouldn't have mattered much but Sam was beginning to feel as though he would need more clothes that would fit more snuggly before he started losing buttons. Dean snorted when he told him as much and walked off to get another beer. He came back and tried to offer one to Sam who refused and simply stuck to the juice he had been sipping. Dean snorted and ignored him after that.

That wasn't the only surprising thing.

Apparently the angels thought that Dean wasn't going to say yes and had brought Adam back hoping he would. Sam was just glad that Cas gotten to him first and he was here and just as annoying as Dean was. He didn't seem to be surprised when he found that Sam was almost seven months pregnant and instead pointedly ignored him just like Dean was.

Sam just had enough and told them so.

"Everything is getting too much and something you can't handle, I understand that. You just want your mom back and I could understand that," Sam said and continued on although he could tell that they were raising their eyebrows like they thought that he couldn't honestly understand them. "And Dean there is no way I'm gonna say yes to that SOB. I won't-"

"And when you're no longer pregnant, Lucifer would probably have an empty vessel to use anyways," Dean interrupted with a snap. "You think this is gonna end pretty? I don't want to lose you Sam and maybe Michael could find a way to help."

"Michael can't help just like Gabriel and Cas can't," Sam quickly told him softly. He ignored Adam's eyes and fisted the warmth of the amulet beneath his fingers. It wasn't as hot as it had been the first time he had picked it up but it was still warm. As long as he had proof of God, it meant that his years of prayer going on nothing but faith were worth it.

"Well you don't know that," Dean quickly replied standing up and sighing when he saw that Cas was watching his every move. "I can't get a beer without you watching, great. Maybe I should just call Lisa! At least she gives a damn!"

"That's not fair Dean, stop that!" Dean may not have seen the angel flinch but Sam sure did and he wouldn't stand for that. "Cas-"

"Don't Sam, it isn't worth it and Dean is just angry." Cas reassured.

Sam nodded.

"Besides he is too clueless and stupid to realize anything that doesn't have to do with him." Dean whirled around and glared at Gabriel.

"Like I'm the only one," Dean snapped. "You and Sam-"

"-Had hot sexy intercourse more than once." Gabriel interrupted with a smug grin. "Of course it only happened after he reassured me that our son wouldn't feel anything nor would he be hurt in any way if I penetrated him."

"I need brain bleach," Dean mumbled and then glared as though Gabriel was the one at fault. "Thanks for that."

"You're welcome," Gabriel replied ignoring the sarcasm. He smirked and then saw that Bobby was glaring at each and every one of them whilst they argued and bickered somewhat like little kids. He didn't care much for the arguing himself but Bobby seemed to be honestly put out with it and needed a break.

"You really need to let me sit in the wheelchair sometime," Gabriel said instead. "I mean, you sit in it twenty four seven and I haven't gotten a chance to play with it. I thought you shared your things.

"Bobby is paralyzed you dick!" Dean snapped once more but Gabriel snapped his fingers and pointed it to Dean as though he was going to do something if he said another word.

"That's much better. Adam I'm sorry you are in the middle of all this drama." Adam just shrugged as though it was expected.

"What could anyone do? I'm here until Zachariah comes to get me or I decide that this side is fighting for the right reasons and actually help out. I still think I should be a vessel so…" he trailed off and Gabriel nodded sympathetically. Of all the things he was learning from Sam.

"So out of the wheelchair old man, I want to play," he continued much to their chagrin.

"You listen here ya idjit," Bobby started. "You may demand respect because you are some archangel but I-"

Gabriel was already bored with the conversation and with a snap of his fingers, Bobby appeared right beside Cas and Dean leaving Gabriel free to sit down on the wheelchair himself.

"Now this is fun," he admitted with a small grin.

Bobby was about to yell when he realized he was standing on his own two feet. Sam ignored all of them realizing that Gabriel must have felt for the elder hunter. He probably didn't ignore the way Bobby was depressed at what he had lost and helped him in his own way. He could have done without the display though. Sam rolled his eyes and looked back at Bobby with a small smile.

Bobby himself was impressed and thought for an instant that it was another of his pranks until he took a step and realized that he had the use of his legs back. Turning to the former trickster now archangel, he opened his mouth to reply but Gabriel beat him to it.

"If you were smart you could have gave me a call a couple of days ago to try this baby out. I mean you could've walked days ago but you were just so stubborn and refused to operate on the faith that you keep saying you had at one point."

"GABRIEL!" Sam snapped pinching the bridge of his nose. "We don't do things like that, it's considered rude."

"I'm not the baby Sammy so you can't tell me what to do," Gabriel just admonished. He frowned after a moment as though he realized what he was saying. "I think I'm spending too much time here, I'm actually looking forward to our brat and raising it together which will never happen. I think I will bring the wheel chair with. You think that the general population will pity me if they think I'm paralyzed?"

Before Sam could get anything in, Gabriel was gone and he had taken the wheelchair with him.

"That idjit has a funny way of showing he cares," Bobby said gruffly but Sam knew he was touched that the archangel had felt Bobby was good enough to cure his paralyzed legs, even though he used the guise of having fun on the wheelchair Bobby had been confined to for many months. "I think you should let him have a moment Sam. He does care for you. I think he hasn't had time to realize he will be a parent is all. Nobody knows what kind of parent they will make and it's obvious that there's no handbook when it comes to becoming one."

"I figured he's still upset with the you know, once he's born my heart stops beating thing." Sam brought up much to his chagrin.

"Which is why you shouldn't talk about it," Dean told him angrily.

"You bring it up all the time, don't tell me to avoid talking about when it's going to happen in less than five months," Sam added as an afterthought. "You keep avoiding talking about it and you worry that I'm going to say yes and let Lucifer in. It's not going to happen-"

"I hope not since you care about the baby," Cas said ignoring Dean's heated glare. "You are not only putting the world in danger but the baby's and yours as well now. Saying yes could instantly kill the baby and him if he were to accept you as a vessel now. Of course there's the birth of the baby taking your life but it would make you unable to accept any host after the fact no matter if you would have said yes or not. Lucifer isn't that dumb and if he knew he would probably try to have the fetus killed."

Sam looked more hopeful and turned to Dean.

"It doesn't change the fact I'm losing a brother," Dean snapped and Sam rolled his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Right and you are not going to accept Zachariah's offer and become Michael's bitch," Sam quickly told him.

"I could if I want!" Dean yelled. "I can do whatever I want and besides you may not be Lucifer's bitch but you sure are Gabriel's. He is the same dick if not more of one that Lucifer is and it doesn't make a difference if you aren't his vessel, I'm still losing you!"

"All of a sudden this is my fault?" Sam asked. "I'm just going by my heart and it hasn't led me wrong yet."

"And the matter with Ruby?" Dean quickly quipped. "Or the time you thought it was right to go after Lilith even though Cas told you it wasn't you that had to kill her, it was me? Going by your heart makes everything so much worse and you don't even realize it. You can't and I can't stand that. Maybe you should have realized all this in the beginning and all we would have to deal with now is the fact that you are pregnant with an archangel's baby! Maybe not even that!"

"It's my choice Dean and if I had to go back and do it all over again, the baby is the one thing I wouldn't regret because I love Gabriel and therefore the love I have for him created this baby. I don't regret this baby Dean; this is the one thing I didn't get wrong. I fucked up with Ruby and I messed up with Lilith but this baby, he is something I will never take back. If I would have gotten rid of it like Gabriel had wanted in the beginning, I know that I would have regretted it years to come and I wouldn't have ever forgotten about it. I wouldn't forgive myself ever for taking a human life and it's not just anything, it's my baby."

"Sam I know that and I know that you love the baby and for some reason Gabriel too. He's just annoying and a dick but you can tolerate so good for you but this isn't just about some baby and the love of your life. This is about the end of your life. And believe it or not, it's not going to be four months to a year without you, it's going to be eternity of wishing that you being here and having that never going to happen." Dean paused and licked his lips before nodding to himself. "Name one thing this baby did and I won't be such a grouch anymore that I go on about it. I won't bring it up anymore."

"One thing," Sam repeated for a moment and Cas seemed to be watching this as though he was watching a ping-pong match. Adam himself seemed to be losing interest though, not like he could honestly blame him though and he quickly tried to think of one thing about the baby that Dean would accept. "Besides the fact that the baby is innocent and that he is inherently good, the baby is my life Dean. He's my whole world besides you and I can't lose that, not now and not ever."

The baby was his love and his life as well as his future.

He just hoped Dean would come to realize that. And at Dean's look, he seemed resigned. He nodded but he knew that Dean would never forget. Not when faced with what was to come and he hoped he could someday come to realize why Sam was doing what he did.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

"Adam, hey. Hey." Dean quickly went over to help him up.

Adam stared in disbelief.

"You came for me. "

"Yeah, well, you're family. " Dean quickly reminded him and Adam was reassured it was only because of that that he had come, certainly not because of a certain vessel problem but he couldn't stop himself from the one problem that was there in the air between them.

"Dean you know this is a trap, right?"

Dean frowned but didn't look surprised.

"I actually figured it would be."

The figure stepped out and announced himself by saying, "Dean, please. Did you really think it would be that easy?"

"Did you?" Dean retorted.

Sam tried to sneak behind Zachariah with an angel killing sword in his hands. Zachariah instantly had Sam thrown backwards against a screen and scowled when he noticed that the younger Winchester looked fat. It obviously wasn't the weight gain issue he had been worried about but what he was seeing beneath everything. Dean shouted for his brother worried that one or both of them would be in danger and Zachariah just smirked.

"You need to know what I've learned from this experience Dean. I've learnt patience." With a wave of his hand, Adam fell to the floor coughing up blood.

"Let him go you son of a bitch!" Dean wasn't one to stand around and do nothing but Adam was injured in some way and if he pissed him off more, he was afraid of what he would do.

"I really thought I was going to lose my job for sure. I was really angry with you Winchesters but I should have trusted in the boss man. I mean it's all playing out like he said…..It's you, me, and your hemorrhaging brothers. Perhaps the baby will be lost as well and we can play out destiny, what do you think?"

Sam looked surprised as he started coughing up blood just like Adam was doing and groaned. Zachariah looked over in mock arrogance, waiting for Dean to admit defeat.

"Are you finally ready or are you going to keep fighting. Just so you know, you won't win."

Dean didn't want to but what could he have done? His brothers were losing blood and Sammy's baby was in danger. It did seem like a solution to the pregnancy problem but he couldn't guarantee now that it would save Sam now. He already had too much grace stored up inside him and if the baby died what would that leave if Sam did too? Nothing that was what. He couldn't go there.

"This is your only choice now. Choose it or you know what will happen. Everything you've fought to stop will come to pass."

"Stop!" Dean shouted.

"Really and what will that get you now?" Zachariah asked cheekily.

"I'll do it Zachariah, damn it please stop! I'll do it," Dean finally said.

Zachariah put a hand to his ear and Dean grit his teeth saying, "Okay yes. Yes is the answer. Isn't that what you wanted you bastard?"

"Dean!" Sam shouted.

"Go ahead and call Michael down here," Dean continued ignoring Sam.

"What if you're lying," Zachariah replied rather skeptically.

Dean silently reassured him that he wasn't and Zachariah smiled, turning to call Michael down. Finally the small moment would come. He missed Dean winking at Sam to reassure him that everything would be fine. He really wasn't, he couldn't. Not with this being something that would make him miss the last few months he could with Sam and Sam wasn't going to lose the baby. Not now and not ever.

"He can't have me though, not yet," Dean continued hoping that everything would go right like he had planned. At Zachariah's questioning look, he said, "I want a few people guaranteed to be okay."

"If you make a list it would be made possible. Of course it would happen."

"Also, Michael can't have me until he kills you."

Zachariah glared at him and Dean went on, "He can't have a piece of me until he burns you into a piece of charcoal."

"Michael won't ever do that," Zachariah warned him with a scowl.

"He won't," Dean agreed. "But I will."

Dean stabbed Zachariah through the throat with the angel killing sword. Dean fell back as white light beamed throughout the room announcing the coming of Michael. Dean instantly went over to Adam and after being assured that he would walk, helped him up and then ran over to Sam. He quickly pulled his arm over his shoulder and helped him out with Adam not too far behind. He didn't realize when it was that Adam stopped being a couple of steps behind him but once he deposited Sam went over and tried to get to Adam.

It was too late.

* * *

"I think that it's wrong that he took Adam. It shouldn't have been him," Dean said into the quiet vehicle.

Sam nodded in agreement.

"I know. It's not like we could even find where he is at right now and we tried to prevent that. I just hope that Cas is okay," Sam added, rubbing his stomach soothingly in small circles. The baby seemed to have no damage to speak of since the bleeding was minimal. He just hoped there weren't any complications. The baby kicked as though to reinforce that he was indeed okay and Sam let out a tiny smile.

Dean smiled a little bit at the sight and sighed.

"Yeah, I get that. Cas is gonna be okay and even though Adam has been captured it does not mean that it will be forever," Dean said in which he hoped was optimism. Sam hummed in agreement, hesitating before turning the radio on. Dean raised an eyebrow and Sam just shrugged.

"The baby calms down when that is playing."

Dean just smirked and Sam just rolled his eyes.

"Dude it's ACDC and you don't like that song. I guess the baby has more of my tastes than yours." Sam just smiled smugly and then Dean quickly scowled. "No, don't you dare say the baby shares my tastes because I share them with Gabriel. HELL NO!"

Sam just started to laugh and Dean glared. Finally he seemed to forget all about it and just sighed.

"With everything that has happened, it makes a person wonder what we're fighting for sometimes. I mean, Cas lost faith in a God he was trying to find, you lost faith for a little while doubting that anything right could even happen, and we lost our brother Adam for how long, we don't know. I just think we have to hold onto faith because whatever happens, it was meant to be and there's no way we could go back and change that."

Dean groaned.

"Yeah right. That's like saying that Lucifer will willingly step down and God will see to it that his heavenly brats stop trying to kill each other!"

Sam hid his smirk at that retort.

"I'm not in any way like Gabriel Sam so you could knock it off," Dean warned. Sam jumped a little and placed his hand back over his stomach with a now softer smile right on the edge of his lips. Dean bit his lip knowing that this was the price he was paying for his brother to be happy.

"You know a lot of people fight over whether it's right to have a kid or not saying there's a lot of things that need to be considered when thinking about the issues. There's the preparation, the age, and the maturity of it all but I think they forget the most important thing," Sam paused and with a thoughtful look, continued. "The majority who write the laws on unborn babies never had been in this situation before. You'd think that they would consider what it would be like before they made laws like that? It isn't until it happens to you that you realize how great one life means to you and when you do, you realize just how far you'd go to protect it with everything you have."

"That's nice," Dean quickly covered up the fact that he almost choked up over that and instead decided to change the subject. Sam was going to die and there was no way he'd bring up a sensitive issue like abortion up again. "I wonder where Cas is, I mean the son of a bitch believed in me and even went as far as falling for me. I should have listened to him. I should have-"

"He'll be okay," Sam interrupted.

Dean looked in disbelief for a moment before turning back to concentrate on driving. After a moment he nodded.

"I just don't know how much more I could take losing people Sam. I've done this hunting stuff for so long I thought nothing could bother me because the only people in the world wouldn't leave me and now," he gulped and could see that Sam stiffened at the side but continued anyways. "I need-we need to find Cas Sam. We have to because I have to apologize for the way I acted."

Sam nodded.

Dean didn't need to say anymore though.

Sam got what Dean would never say and he felt that he wouldn't have to say it anyways cause Sam would know anyways.

Just like he knew he was sacrificing everything for something he loved yet hadn't even meet.

* * *

Sam was sleeping.

There was nothing unusual about that. Dean found that often enough, Sam retired earlier since the pregnancy and that Sam couldn't seem to tolerate sleeping straight on his back anymore either. Dean quickly bit back a retort when he saw Gabriel there rubbing his brother's cheek slowly and with a face of concern the elder Winchester never saw on the trickster turned angel's face.

He just wondered for how long that Gabriel had done this without Dean knowing.

"You quite done snuggling up to my brother?" Dean asked instead. "He's not going to be pleased if he wakes up to you petting his face like he's a dog you know?"

Gabriel just huffed.

"I'm helping him sleep. He really doesn't get much these days and I thought that he could use some more so maybe I added a little something more to help with that. He truly hasn't noticed before so it will be okay. He's still carrying the baby and he's safe from Zachy although you took away my glory from hurting him first."

Dean rolled his eyes.

"You angels don't get it," he replied. "We never had any issues until you guys came into our lives. You think you could just sit there and act like you love Sam? You played tricks on us and hurt him a hundred times over emotionally. How could I trust that you have Sam's best interests in heart when I don't even know if you're going to want him to play his role in being a vessel?"

"You could believe what you want Dean but sometimes what you can't see is there." Gabriel frowned. "Never thought I would feel like that again, I sealed it far away from me but…" he trailed off dragging his hand softly through Sam's hair as he seemed to be watching Sam's chest slowly rise and fall.

Dean shrugged uncomfortably feeling as though he just walked into a private moment between his brother and the archangel. He never doubted that there was something there. It was the big reason Gabriel was away wasn't it? He couldn't handle the child and the fact that he caused something to grow that would be a danger to Sam. He didn't know however that Gabriel was hanging around when his brother was sleeping to make sure that he was okay. That Dean could even do without knowing. He already knew they had sex because of the baby being inside there but as far as anything else, it's something he didn't want to know either.

"Why don't you go Gabriel? Better yet find Cas."

"I would have known if he died," Gabriel mumbled annoyingly.

"Well stop pretending to be a bad older brother and find him," Dean demanded.

Gabriel snorted and Dean found himself wanting to smack him. Hell he wouldn't mind punching him if he knew it wouldn't have hurt him in the end. Gabriel really knew how to try his patience though and did it on a daily basis too.

"I really don't think you appreciate Cas as much as you say," Gabriel continued. "At least I had a reason for leaving-"

"Right, so the reason why Cas hates you so much for the skipping part? I would hate you too," Dean retorted angrily. "You think everything is a joke and you don't even try to help. It's your brothers that are fighting but the only one that isn't on board with hurting them is Cas and he's not trying to hurt them, he's trying to keep the fighting from happening. First you wanted it to happen but now I don't know. I get that you love them, I get that you care, but what would you do if your brother was destroying the world? I would imagine that if they were in your shoes, they wouldn't want you to sit back and pretend that nothing is happening!"

"You don't have any idea what it was like," Gabriel seethed. Dean shut up confused and Gabriel continued with a sigh. "You think you are the only one that has issues? Oh the world was mean to me and I can't stand how everything doesn't go my way and everyone dies? I wasn't lying when I said I left because I couldn't stand it! Michael was different after he casted Lucifer into the pit. Michael loved his brother much like you love yours but throwing him down there nearly destroyed him. He couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand it because it wasn't Michael anymore. It was just some stranger in his place and he was so different. He wasn't nice or lenient and he followed without question. Raphael became a hard ass as well. Things were so different and to be reminded of it constantly that Lucifer's rebelling got everything so messed up in the worst possible way. How could anybody stand to be around that heartbreak? I had to leave and Castiel, he was going to be something special someday and he would make changes I couldn't. I wasn't going to bring him down with me but now he hates me and I don't blame him anymore," Gabriel finally admitted.

"How could I blame him when I abandoned him for something I couldn't take? How am I any better than the normal cowards that don't want to stand up for what they know? I know what I did and what would happen, but I also threw everything else away. I betrayed Cas's trust when he looked up to me. Every day he looks at me with disappointment and I understand that. And now it looks like the only person that cares isn't always going to be around. I guess the best thing I ever did was to create a baby, I'm a coward otherwise and a horrible brother."

Dean gulped and averted his eyes.

"You need to find Cas Gabriel. I need to know that he's okay-"

"For the hundredth time he is fine!" Gabriel shouted. "And you think I'm selfish? At least I don't look for him when I need something! I always took care of Cas even as a fledgling. Even now I'm making sure that he's not hurt because in the end Cas is my younger brother and the only one I could stand to protect even if he hates me. He'll be fine and I need to do something anyways. Tell Sam anything about this and I'll gut you with a stick!"

Dean blinked and cursed under his breath.

"You better hope this is worth it little brother," he mumbled sighing as he fell into his own bed.

Even with Cas missing and Gabriel acting like a dick once more, he couldn't help but realize that maybe him and Gabriel did have something in common.

They both loved brothers that didn't realize all that they done for them.

And yet they'd sacrifice everything they had all the same.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

"I told you it is witness protection."

Although adamant, Gabriel seemed to be more care free than all the times that Sam had previously seen him in the last six months. He kept himself from thinking it had anything to do with the baby because he didn't find out until he was sixteen weeks along. He frowned though realizing that the baby couldn't have changed much between them and yet Gabriel was already noticeably happier than before.

"Yeah? Well why don't you make yourself more useful?" Dean inquired irritably.

Sam couldn't help but notice that everything had gone sour between them, more so in the last two weeks than before. He couldn't help but think it had something to do with Cas being missing for an extended period. Dean was really good at pointing things out when it came to other people but he definitely didn't see what was blatantly in front of his face the whole time.

"And I would…why again?" Gabriel sighed and snapped a snickers bar into his hand before continuing. "You bozo heads weren't supposed to be here anyways. These Gods have it out for angels and they are angsting for some angel blood. Would you imagine what they would say when they realize that it's not only already here but t minus three months and counting? They'd fry your unborn baby and call it dinner. We can't have that happening now and there's the off-chance that they don't care and decide that their vessels will make good bargaining chips."

Sam blinked back worry but Dean snorted.

"Then help us get out," he told him blatantly.

"Yeah….no. You two are trapped by a blood spell. Kali thought it would be smart to make sure that you guys won't go anywhere. I may be able to help but I don't think your brother would like it very much," Gabriel added with a hint of amusement behind his hazel eyes. Sam looked closer and noticed a swirl of amber, wondering how he hadn't noticed it before. He frowned when both looked his way and he wondered what it would entail.

"Like what?" he asked hesitantly.

"Well I used to have this thing with Kali. The chick was all hands and it was great while it lasted-"

"What are you going to do to get the blood back?" Sam asked, his frown deepening as he saw Gabriel look over at him curiously.

Gabriel smiled.

"Calm down kiddo, you're the one I love, it's just I may have to play a part." He rolled his eyes and explained seeing Sam look more confused the more he danced around the whole issue. "I simply romance her and whilst she isn't paying attention, I swipe the blood."

Dean was the one that complained surprisingly. Sam would have been happy had he known what wasn't at stake. He felt a quick jab in his stomach and frowned. The baby was the one they had to think about now. He was vulnerable and at the end that was the thing that brought him out of his thoughts. Sam grasped the lapel of Gabriel's jacket and brought him forward, pressing his lips against his. Dean looked away but Sam closed his eyes, savoring the kiss and hoping that beyond anything else in the world that he could go through with this.

He stepped back and fixed his eyes on Gabriel before saying, "Yeah, I think if it's the best plan we got then you should do what you could so that we could get us and as many people out of here."

Gabriel nodded although he didn't look too happy anymore. Sam frown deepened and he tried to alleviate the situation.

"It doesn't mean anything right? I know you say you care for me…"

"Sam I love you," Gabriel admitted, his frown deepening. Sam nodded although he wondered why it pained him to see Gabriel unhappy whenever he said it.

"So we going to save everyone we can whilst-"

"WHOA! I never said anything about anyone else-"

"We can't leave them to die," Sam quickly countered leaving the archangel to sigh.

"I am more set on getting you two muttonheads out of here. Hopefully before the fight goes down."

"Sam's right," Dean quickly defended. "We need to help them out so they don't become dinner like your baby could become."

With a pointed look at Gabriel, it signaled the end of a tolerable disagreement.

"Fine," Gabriel said after a moment.

He paused looking from one or the other before spraying his mouth with a small bottle that materialized from nothing.

"Let's get this party rolling."

* * *

Apparently they never thought the plan through since it ended all too soon and not on a good note. Now had Dean was wondering why he was even in the car with Gabriel. He was absolutely certain that they could work well together with the pagans. They both had a common enemy and Lucifer was going to end the world for all they knew it if they let it go on.

"You need to get out there and stand up for them," Dean quickly pointed out.

"Yeah and you need to tell your brother that the imagination of his is never going to become reality. Not even this thing he thinks that works is going to. And let's not forget that they shoved a fricking sword through my heart!"

Dean raised his eyebrows though as though it was nothing at all.

"Yeah I see where it hurts you so bad that you are honestly scarred for life." He rolled his eyes and glared at him. "You still care for them. Before they found out about them they were still your family and you know that Lucifer coming here won't be lenient, he'll murder every last one of them."

Gabriel let out an exasperated sigh.

"I just, Dean I can't kill my brother," he told him lamely.

Dean snorted.

"Can't or won't."

At Gabriel's silence, Dean continued.

"That's what I thought."

At the signal of the end of the conversation, Gabriel thought he would head back inside right away and go tell the Pagans the truth about everything. He hoped they forgot to mention Sam's pregnancy because the baby was still fifty percent angel and Lucifer wouldn't be the only one to hate that fact since the baby ruined his plans to use Sam as a vessel.

Dean turned back though and Gabriel's brow shot up in surprise.

"Another thing," he continued as though the conversation never ended. "I know about what the baby is going to cause in the end for Sam. I know, believe me because I think about it every damn day and probably more than you. Sam is the one you love though right?"

Before Gabriel could say anything in defense to that Dean went on.

"I don't care about what is going to happen in the future, okay. That baby is just as much yours as he is Sam's, it takes two to tango. You love Sam and I know you love your son so stop hiding behind all these crap excuses. Sam is your responsibility whilst he's still alive."

Dean left no room for any complaints and Gabriel, as much as he didn't like it, he knew a part of him believed that he had to maintain a safe distance for all these months. He couldn't deny anything though because as much as it hurt, he did love the fact that Sam was carrying his son. It showed that his love for Gabriel did outweigh the risks and nobody had ever done that for him before.

"I can't just drop-"

"Yeah well then Sam should've known better than to bump uglies with a whiny archangel that can't think past how it'll be for him. You love him so you better show it. My brother loves you and hasn't run away from anything even though it should scare him the most. He's the one that could be dying here, not us and yet he believes in the baby and believes in a love I believe is still there. So tell me if I'm wrong and you don't love my brother or his baby."

Gabriel remained silent and yet Dean didn't look triumphant or arrogant at all. He just nodded.

"Thought so."

And the cruel thing was, Gabriel knew he wouldn't be able to deny how much he wished he had listened to this a good three months earlier.

* * *

He almost thought of running still.

Almost but didn't.

It turns out Dean did have a few things to say to him that were correct. Whilst Sam was alive, he was Gabriel's responsibility and he loved him no matter what happened. Hell, he loved the baby as well and he couldn't pretend anymore the thing that was right in front of him. Putting that into perspective made it easier for him to actually believe that nobody deserved to confront Lucifer. Nobody but him.

Appearing near the boys, he hid his amusement when they jumped and shoving a tape into Dean's arms, he ignored the shocked look displayed plainly on Dean's face.

"Guard it with your life. Better late than never right?"

He quickly made to save Kali in time and was glad that he stepped in at the right time. He may not hold any love for Kali anymore but she was still family as Dean so lovingly put it. He made sure that they got out safely before turning back to Lucifer knowing he was roasting mad by now.

"Gabriel I know you've been slumming but I hope you didn't catch anything."

Gabriel couldn't help but roll his eyes at that.

"Lucifer you're my brother and I do love you but you are a great big bag of dicks."

"You shouldn't disrespect your elders," Lucifer immediately replied.

"Yeah well look at you. Daddy was mean to me so I'm gonna smash up all his toys!"

"Watch who you talk to like that," Lucifer practically snarled.

"Dad loved you best, more than Michael, more than me. Of course when he brought the new baby home, you couldn't handle it. You need to grow up."

Lucifer looked lethal and knowing what it did to others, Gabriel mentally told himself to get a grip. He knew this was coming up the second that he accepted that he loved Sam and the baby. Lucifer leered angrily and Gabriel knew that it was going take all that he could to face his brother without the urge to run.

"If this is about Michael-"

"If he was here, I'd gank his ass right here." Gabriel easily defended.

"You are very disloyal-"

"I'm loyal. Oh am I loyal but not to you or Michael, to them."

"Pagans? Gabriel I heard you were going to be a daddy so maybe it would be best to stop being ridiculous and admit that you were wrong. I don't think anybody is going to miss your little mistake of trying to rebel against me. We both know how well those go by the way."

"I can't," Gabriel breathed. "I'm loyal to humans! They are better than us Lucy. They try to do better, to change. Apparently being locked in the cage made you into even more of a douche than I thought…"

"Hold that tongue Gabriel!" Lucifer snapped. "Humans aren't loyal and you stick their best desires in their faces, they won't change. They could try for years but it won't make a difference. I've seen people murder their own children in cold blood. Murder their unborn babies because they don't want the responsibility, hell they even lie and cheat their way through if they could. You're saying these simpletons deserve mercy? God's given them enough and they destroyed everything! That just goes to show that humans cannot be trusted! Hell my demons are better than them!"

"Lucifer, you haven't seen the good out there and you don't want to. You haven't seen a single mother fighting to support her kids that she chose to keep or someone who knew they were going to die and decided to carry the baby anyways. I have. I've been riding this game a long time but I'm in it now. I approve of neither you nor Michael. I believe in the humans. Something you won't be able to understand."

"You are starting to sound like a father. Are you sure you should be talking to me? You should be taking care of your fledgling and staying out of this!"

"The fledgling isn't born yet, you should have realized that. See I fell in love with a human and despite knowing that he was going to die, he decided to keep the baby. My son and keeping him and Sam in mind, there's no way you'll get either of them."

Lucifer nodded sadly.

"I know you're trying to do the right thing Gabriel but I know where your heart truly lies." He turned around and shoved the angel blade into Gabriel's heart, the angel in question making a shocked sound.  
"Here."

Lucifer held Gabriel close, rubbing his hand through his hair, resting it on his cheek. It was almost considered gentle for those who knew Lucifer and knew that he by no doubt never showed any mercy. It was different with Gabriel though. This was his little brother, the one he loved and showed every one of his tricks to. There was never anyone ever closer except for Michael.

Well fool me once, he thought, shame on you.

"Amateur hocus pocus," he replied watching Gabriel grunt in pain and grabbed at Lucifer's arm trying to stop the pain from the angel sword jutting in his stomach. "Don't forget, you learned every one of your tricks from me little brother."

Fool me twice, shame on me.

* * *

Sam gasped quietly, holding a hand to his chest in surprise. Dean glanced from the mirror and Sam played it off as though nothing happened. In truth he was worried about Gabriel. He was wondering if he would be okay. Kali was still in the back seat and seemed to be getting agitated every second longer she was here.

"Drop me off soon or I'm going to show you why you don't upset me."

Dean did as she asked and seeing as they put enough distance between them and Lucifer, he also got them a motel room. He was sure that anything important on the video could wait until the next morning. Sam merely followed with a heavy heart hoping that beyond all hope that nothing would happen. Gabriel could have been hurt or worse. He paused, not being able to even think of the word. Dean handed him a sandwich on some dough bread and it was then that Sam realized his one hand was clenched tight enough to draw blood. He quickly loosened his grip and quietly thanked Dean for the sandwich.

In the midst of sunrise, Sam made sure they watched the tape, which they did so in the back part of the parking lot as they got ready to leave. Feeling the pain was one thing but hearing the words from Gabriel himself made Sam feel almost numb. He looked at it in disbelief wondering how in the hell he hadn't thought of it happening before. Lucifer killed Gabriel and his thoughts mingled in hurried frenzy as he fought to keep from choking up. His brother cast him a worried look which he quickly ignored. Instead he went into the passenger side of the car, rubbing his belly and hoping that nobody else would die before this war ended. If he could help it, he knew that not one other life would be wasted because he'd fight to the last of his breath. If someone had to go down, let it be the person who was responsible for freeing the devil he thought quietly.

Don't punish those who didn't deserve an ounce of the pain.

* * *

He let Dean go out knowing that he was calling Lisa to tell her what was going on at the moment. His thoughts about getting him together with Castiel were paused when he started to go through his pockets like he normally did before he took off his jacket and instead found something that hadn't been there before.

Sam quickly hid it behind his back when Dean came back and sighed as though he was going to tell bad news. He reasoned there wasn't any more that could after hearing about Gabriel's death. Dean quickly took a seat before glancing back at Sam and making the younger Winchester huff in impatience.

"What is it that has you sighing like a little girl?" Sam asked finally.

"Nothing-fine and for the record, you are the hormonal one Samantha not me." Dean finally let it out though at the look from his brother that promised him a world of pain. "It's like this. Lisa lives only thirty minutes away from here right? I was thinking of visiting her really quick to reassure her that I'm not going anywhere. I'll be back sometime tomorrow and we could concentrate on finding Cas. Or I don't know, we could actually find pestilence's whereabouts."

"Okay." Sam finally surmised that Dean would be better off in the long run anyways. He fell in love with an angel and now Gabriel was no more. What would it do but cause heartbreak to Dean if Cas did the same. At Dean's look of admonishment, Sam quickly gulped and spoke up. "I know you don't think I'm doing fine but I am. I'm not well but I'm doing fine. I'll survive and you know it. Lisa needs to know that you care so go show her okay?"

Dean finally nodded, hugging his brother tightly, hands rubbing his back soothingly before breaking off and smiling lamely.

"I'll keep my cell phone on alright? If you need anything call me or Bobby. If something happens that is baby related, call me right away and don't you dare pass it off as unimportant. I want to be there for you as much as I can."

As he touched the door handle though, he paused and turned around.

"Sammy?"

Sam looked up quizzically and Dean huffed another sigh.

"Just know that I got you okay?"

Sam nodded.

When he heard the car pull away, he quickly turned to the letter and unraveled it, and smoothed it out. Seeing the first sentence, he gasped but continued to read beyond the tears.

_ Dear Sam-I-am,_

_ Maybe I shouldn't even use dear but whatever I open with just know that it won't end pretty._

_ I'm sorry Sam. What more can I say? I'm sorry. I never ever hated you and when we first met, I couldn't help but think about you. You were on my mind from the very first meeting. We didn't even know each other, I didn't know you were the destined vessel at the time and you didn't know I was really an angel and I guess I couldn't help it. It really couldn't have been helped. I fell for you in the worse possible way. I loved you from the very first moment I met you and boy could you believe it, I never was one to believe in love at first sight before. But you tore that rule right out of the rule book and before I knew what hit me, I loved you more than I could stand._

_ I tried showing you a lesson about Dean because I found that I loved you too much to lose. Was I going about it the right way, probably not but to me, I couldn't have been in love with you. I was in denial. I figured it was just some crush I had with you. I did throughout centuries and they never turned out into anything this special. Could I be with them? Yes I could and I have but did I love them very much? No. You changed my whole perspective and changed the way I thought about people. I left heaven to avoid conflict and the agony I experienced from Lucy's rebellion of heaven but I never got to realize that Lucy ultimately pushed me to you. _

_I guess I could thank him for that in the end huh? _

_ Guess not. _

_ I know you are reading this and by this time you probably know that I'm dead. I'm not here, not with you. I know it's hard kiddo but I finally stood up to my brother. If it's one thing you Winchesters do, it's to teach a lesson of moral. I was never going to be left out and I shouldn't have run in the beginning. I love my brothers and I love Cas. I hurt him the worst when I skipped and nobody could honestly blame him for feeling betrayed but what he'll never know isn't going to kill him. I could live with myself knowing that he's alive, safe and happy even if he hated me for all eternity. _

_ It's what you both taught me._

_ It's not about who messes up, who wins, and who loses. It's family. Life sucks, boo hoo. It could always be worse and to love them for as long as you can cause you never know when they will no longer be there. _

_Wow, and I blamed you for everything._

_ I couldn't take it in the beginning if you loved me because I didn't think you'd like what you found but you did and you didn't hate me. Miracles upon miracles and then our son came to be. There's not a lot to say except that I didn't want him because that meant not having you. You had a million reasons to hate me and for some reason you loved me more than life and I loved that too. But you wouldn't get rid of him and I knew he was going to be what killed you in the end._

_It was overwhelming with a capital T but I guess it couldn't be any more plainer. I began to love him too. This kid was my first-born, my son and he was the best gift anyone even thought of giving to me. Beyond that was the fact that you didn't even think of your own life, it was his. A part of me always wanted to see how he would be and get to love the little guy too. Here's for hoping._

_But dying doesn't mean forever. Just know that I love you more than life and not even death could end the love that I have for you._

_I just wish that you got to know how much I love you._

_Forever_

_Gabriel_

Sam didn't know when he had got that into his pocket but that didn't change how much he felt after reading that. Only now he knew that Gabriel loved him more than he let on. As he wiped the tears away with the sleeve of his shirt, he laid back onto his side with a hand placed over his stomach to remind him what he hadn't lost yet. But the more he tried to sleep, the more he thought about Gabriel and the more the tears fell. Even more than ever was the same thought running through his mind.

Gabriel loved him more than life itself and he was never going to be able to say that he loved him too.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Cas is going to be found! I can't believe we have to talk about this again!"

Sam sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Dean was more into finding the rings now that they found a way to trap Lucifer back into the cage, no harm, no foul. The only part of the plan that didn't add up was the part where they had to somehow trick him into going back into the said cage.

"I know Dean but Cas-"

"Right and you are so touchy feely about Gabriel nowadays aren't yah? Why don't we just have some kind of therapy session and I talk about my relationship with Lisa, Cas going AWOL, and the looming apocalypse. You in return can talk about the baby, your eventual death, and oh let's not forget GABRIEL!"

Sam winced as he threw the bag onto the bed and started to put his jacket on. He took a deep calming breath before tentatively going over his options. He could demand where he is going and get chewed out more or he could ask and still get chewed out. He was only like this when he had too many things on his mind and couldn't express himself clearly. It would go away, he knew it would.

"Dean, can I ask-"

"I've decided that Lisa needs me more than you! You can sit there all day pretending your fine but you're never going to be okay and once you understand that you can give my cell a call!"

At the slam of the door, Sam jumped and settled down with a long drawn out sigh of relief. He hardly thought that the way Dean was handling things was appropriate by any means but at least he wasn't throwing things to express how frustrated he was.

"You know he's only frustrated when sweet loveable Castiel isn't around. Isn't that right Sam-I-am?"

Sam's eyes widened and turning to his right, he was relieved to know that he was probably yearning so much for what would never happen that he was hearing things that weren't really there. It sounded bad on so many levels but he still knew it could be so much worse. He laid back on his side deciding Dean's departure could help out with a long deserved nap until he realized that he could hardly get comfortable.

Sitting up, he wondered if he should admit defeat and then they could do whatever Dean wanted but frowned when he realized it was more ideal to find Castiel. He wasn't necessarily safe if he was even still alive and even though Dean seemed to have given up didn't mean that Sam did.

"Dean is frustrated Sammy, give it a minute,"

Sam whirled around and clasped a hand over his mouth to keep a sob from escaping. Gabriel looked exactly the same as he remembered him. He couldn't have been here though, he couldn't have been but his eyes were contradicting him now and suddenly he was hoping the tape and the letter were both wrong. That meant that Gabriel had to have been lying low. He had to have been, there was no way that he would leave him.

"Yeah, Dean has been mad at me for a number of times already. I think he needs Cas," Sam replied frowning deeply.

"Oh come on, you shouldn't be all unhappy to see me, I thought you loved me."

Sam stiffened.

"You know I love you but there's no way-I mean." He stopped fighting against the tears and quickly added, "You were fighting Lucifer. There's no way you could have known you were going to survive that so if you really are here, how did you?"

"Look Sam-I-am. I love you so very much and I know you do too. If I was really dead do you think that I would be here at this very moment talking to you?" He caressed his cheek and Sam let out a sigh hoping it was what he was thinking. Gabriel could not be dead. He knew how much it meant to Sam that he be there.

"So big bro doesn't like the fact that you don't like any of this? Well tell him you don't like him not staying true to his feelings. Beat him up if it is the only way that would open his eyes for him."

Sam frowned.

"He won't hit me back because I'm pregnant." He said slowly and Gabriel laughed. "I don't know about you but I can't take that as an advantage. I'll wait until we take care of the finer points and then we'll deal. Okay? Okay?"

"Sammy who the hell are you talking to?"

Sam turned quite annoyed right now and was shocked to see Dean was back. Gabriel was nowhere in sight. He paused, biting his lip and wondering if he should admit this to him knowing how his day was turning out and that he couldn't possibly be happy with the way things were going at the moment. After a moment he decided he couldn't. He didn't know if he was dreaming this up or if it was the real deal.

"No one," he quickly told him. As Dean's eyebrow raised up, he repeated it for clarification and more confidence behind it backing his claim.

He didn't know if it were true or not but he knew that Gabriel's hands weren't always that cold anyways. Dean cleared his throat and Sam looked over to him again hoping he didn't make him mad once again. He found just the opposite. Dean was looking rather concerned as of late and Sam wished he wasn't.

"I thought you were going over to Lisa's," Sam managed.

"I was mad Sam, I clearly wasn't thinking," he just said. "Besides, I can't leave you for more than five minutes until the baby's born. I don't want you going into premature labor now."

Sam nodded and brought a hand up to his forehead.

Of course he did.

"Well if we are gonna hit the road soon I ought to get some sleep first."

He knew the excuse was lame but suddenly it was like a weight hit and he really was tired. Dean just nodded as though he understood and after undressing to his t-shirt and boxers, Sam really didn't last long as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

It had been two days before Crowley contacted them. They still had no idea where Cas was and all in all Sam was just pissed off with the way the demon smugly acted as though the mission he had sent them on didn't just get two of their good friends killed. He could understand mistakes but he was a demon and he's been burnt by them before.

"Just chill your horses ya big moose." He paused and Sam figured that he was eyeing the belly like most people seemed to do these days. He was really starting to show and he doubted it would be very long before the baby was born now. He was thirty weeks so he had at the most ten weeks to go yet.

"I'm done with waiting for you to tell us stupid information that gets people killed. Your information already got Ellen and Jo killed," he snapped.

Dean put a hand out and hushed him though and Sam just settled for glaring at Crowley then. It didn't matter what his brother wanted very much at the moment. They needed to worry about other things instead such as the looming apocalypse and the fact that they still didn't know where Cas was although according to-some source, Cas was still very much alive.

"I have a way to get pestilence and if you still are angry with me, then I could just retract my offer and not help you. Besides it looks like your baby brother should stop hunting soon after all this horse man causes illnesses imaginable and we don't want him risking the loss of a baby huh?"

"Like you really care whether I do or not?" Sam asked angrily.

"Well you have me confused at least. I thought those who carried angel kids ended up dying at birth," Crowley added smugly as though he knew something Sam didn't. "In fact I saw a few myself. Humans can survive having a half demon baby though. They could survive a lot of things but having an angel baby with all that celestial power kills."

"Well he doesn't want an abortion and as far as I know they don't do abortions when someone is almost full term anyways. It's my brother's baby and not mine so I let him choose."

"Yeah have fun with the funeral. The last death I saw was where the mother and baby both died and the angel in question just hopped back onto the bandwagon so to speak. They don't normally care-"

"That mother die from trying to end the baby's life?" Sam asked curiously.

"Yeah as a matter of fact she did. She was halfway there too. Five months pregnant, she was and such a shame too. We need more nephilims around. Well I guess yours will make one."

Crowley trailed off but Sam got the gist of it. He probably wanted the baby for something in mind. Well he wasn't getting this baby. It was his and Gabriel's. He made it out of love and if he had to die, it would be with him knowing that his baby was safe.

"So pestilence porky, we really need to talk more about the horseman and leave the baby thing alone. What my brother does is none of your business and I know you probably want a powerful angel at your disposal and one that doesn't need a vessel but understand this, it's my brother's baby so he is off-limits."

"Fine, I don't care too much about morons that sacrifice their life being a disposable incubator anyways." He trailed off with a grin before continuing. "I could get you pestilence but only through my very well laid plan and that involves a demon. You mind coming with me and getting him?"

Dean shrugged.

"Fine we'll come-"

"No not him," Crowley quickly interrupted. At Sam's glare Crowley continued. "Why would I not want him there besides the fact that, oh yeah YOU TRIED TO KILL ME! Also I don't think you want to go into premature labor and risk losing a baby in the middle of nowhere, huh?"

Sam finally agreed to stay back and watch the place although he didn't seem very happy about it. Dean let Crowley show him where they were going to go but couldn't help but think that Crowley knew an unusual amount of things for a demon. After biting his lip and trying to tell himself that it wasn't the demons business, he finally caved.

"So there's no way to save my brother huh?"

"You mean from the childbirth? It's inevitable. He made that bed and he doesn't seem very scared about laying in it."

"He is very scared he just doesn't voice it. Well not anymore and he seemed resigned to the fact ever since Gabriel died." Dean admitted. "Just between you and me but would he fare any better without the baby?"

"I would think not probably. At least he has the little bugger to remind him what's important. My guess would be that he possibly loved Gabriel a great deal and because of the baby he never tried to take his own life. Not like the devil would let him but he isn't giving up if you think about it."

Dean watched him shrug as though he hadn't given it much thought.

"Say he has the baby and doesn't die though. Would there be a chance-"

"I don't know, let me look back in angelic history and see if someone else gave birth and lived to tell the tale-OH WAIT THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING! EVERYONE WHO DELIVERED THE MISCREANTS HAVE PERISHED!"

Dean nodded.

"Right, just wondering because I want to find a way to save Sammy. I know he wants the baby and I'd rather go to hell than to take that baby away from him but I'm gonna find a way so that he lives. Sammy is going to live to see his baby grow up."

"Very sweet and yet not my problem, love. I am just worried about the demons on my ass. You know because they can be very persistent little bitches when they want to be. Now we go after the high executive and bring him back to interrogate him."

"How is the interrogating going to work?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Trust me, I know it'll work or else I can say on your brother's life that there's nothing that would work then. I am a master when it comes to interrogating so sit back and let me do the work after, you know, kidnap the imbecile."

"Huh?" Dean could only ask before he realized what the real game plan really was.

There was only one thing he could say to sum that up.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

* * *

"Sam it's okay to feel like that. The world's ending and I don't think that you've realized this but your brother is trying to protect you."

Sam nodded, just listening and wondered if he just wanted to talk to hear him say that. Dean had been real distant since Castiel upped and went missing. He rubbed his aching head and sipped the glass of water he had slowly. How he wouldn't give to be able to drink something strong but he knew he couldn't do that to his baby. Even if it would give him a few hours of not having to have the heavy feelings associated with the reality of what was happening.

"Sam-I-am, it's great to see that your self-image hasn't approved much."

Sam's eyes widened and he quickly bade Bobby a quick goodbye before turning over to see him again. He tried to tell himself that this wasn't real and that the real Gabriel had died two weeks ago. They were fighting to stop the apocalypse and some time ago whereas it seemed hopeful, now everything was just bleak. He hoped this just wasn't another one of Lucifer's cruel tricks on him since he's been known to invade his mind and materialize into people he loved.

"Sammy why in the world would Lucy try to do so now, besides the fact that you have to remember that he can't do much anymore without setting off the imaginary bomb nowadays."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked astounded and thinking that this Gabriel could do to lose some of his arrogance. Taking a deep breath, he tried to stay calm and convince himself that this wasn't real and he must be dreaming even though he knew the reality of it would be harsh but it didn't happen. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them only to see that Gabriel was still here.

He yelped when Gabriel pinched him in fact and felt the illusions of the situation disappear. He felt he shouldn't be this happy to know that he wasn't gone yet and hoped this wasn't a trick. He smiled and allowed Gabriel to press his lips against him. He didn't like the fact that it was cold to the touch much like any other time he had touched him. It was almost chilling and it didn't bade well with his psych either when he tried to convince himself that Gabriel wasn't dead.

"Lucifer has to be careful Sammy boy. He can't use too much of his grace on you because of the same reason you won't dig deep down and tap into unborn baby's powers. It would only kill you."

"Kill me? Hmm, I know when I've been warned," he trailed off hoping that Gabriel wouldn't be offended that Sam was trying to suck in the image of him. He didn't want to forget anything, he wanted to memorize every little thing of the archangel and keep it in his mind.

"I'll make it a point to repeat it so you don't forget. I mean you remember that I had to drill stuff into your head in the past-"

"I won't forget this," Sam quickly told him.

He wouldn't. This was Sam's and Gabriel's baby on the line and he wasn't going to risk it. The baby was the only thing left of Gabriel and he knew that it was almost impossible for him but the baby had a chance at life. He watched Gabriel sigh and wondered if he was reading his thoughts.

"So how's the Team free will team doing? You getting Lucifer yet or are you waiting for the end of the world?"

"No Dean went to get a demon to give the whereabouts of pestilence. He went with Crowley and I'm stuck here because I'm thirty weeks pregnant and I tried to kill the demon."

"Funnily enough, I thought it was the other brother with the demon issue."

"It's never too late to learn a lesson," Sam reminded him and Gabriel cackled with laughter.

Gabriel paused and Sam looked at him in confusion until the archangel frowned and went to massage his lower arm. Sam didn't like it because it left him feeling cold and then his lips was on Sam, seeking entrance into his mouth.

"Your brother is back it looks like and I think they were successful in their little mission. We could talk later," he added talking against his lips.

Sam made a sound of protest.

"Please don't go, I didn't get a chance to-actually be with you," he added disappointed that Gabriel had already left.

Still it didn't change the fact that Gabriel was giving off all the wrong vibes. If he was really there then how come he was cold and why didn't he stick around? Sighing he leant back ignoring Dean's calls. Taking another sip from the glass, he wished things were different and that he hadn't left Gabriel back at the hotel.

Things weren't going to change though and Sam knew this.

Because reality wasn't ever fair.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter fifteen**

"Sam listen to me okay," Dean quickly told him, giving his shoulders a very gentle squeeze. Sam nodded and Dean sighed, as though hoping it would get through to him only making the younger Winchester all the more confused. "I told Crowley you could handle this okay? You could and I know you can."

Sam arched an eyebrow and was really thinking that Dean was beginning to lose it before he heard Crowley in the other room. He went past Dean and saw the last person he expected to be there. Brady didn't seem to change much but it was the fact of who he was that made Sam's blood run cold. Thankfully Dean stopped him before he could slice the man apart with Ruby's knife.

"Sam?" he questioned. "Little Sammy Winchester and look at you. I guess you chose life and I wonder how much of an influence it was to get you to keep it."

"Shut up," Sam's eyebrows furrowed in confused anger. "You introduced me to Jess you son of a bitch!"

Dean quickly pulled him back despite Sam having some twenty pounds on him from the pregnancy alone and hastily shut the door behind him. Sam glared and Dean sighed knowing that he probably should have listened to Crowley on this one. Gabriel had been dead two weeks and Sam's new 'I've got nothing to lose' attitude really wasn't doing anyone any favors.

"You have to let me back in there," Sam groused and Dean shook his head.

"That is the only way to get to pestilence. Are you saying you would rather kill him than find the horseman and stop that SOB before something happens? Then be my guest. Destroy everything that will help us in the end and I'm not only saying the damned demon Sam. You need to shape up and stop whining about this. Pestilence is our mission and as soon as we have his whereabouts you can get any revenge you want with Brady!"

"Dean this has nothing to do with that," Sam quickly tried to intervene.

"I'm tired Sam. You got nothing to lose? I'm only losing my brother in T minus ten weeks and you don't think you could try to be a little less risk taking and a little more considerate?"

There was a deadly silent pause.

"Like you were when you were going to hell?" Sam finally brought up.

At Dean's glare, Sam knew it was the wrong thing to say and only flinched when he felt the door being slammed shut. It was a low blow to remind him and the only thing Sam could think about was not alive but he wasn't trying to risk his life. He didn't know what Dean was talking about. He exhaled slowly, hoping to relieve the tension he was feeling.

"I say less fighting and more telling him what you fear."

Sam froze and tried to keep from falling apart. Gabriel wasn't real, he couldn't be but yet here he was and he seemed solid and he could touch him despite him being cold. But that brought the question up on if he was really alive and Sam didn't think he could stand to have that answered.

"You saw that. Dean is mad."

Gabriel tsked and caressed his cheek leaving Sam with the same chilled feeling as before. He couldn't help but wonder if this was all Lucifer's game but quickly shook his head to clear that thought. Lucifer couldn't really seem the type to dedicate all this time to hounding him and trying to break him down.

"Dean doesn't have Castiel with him and we both know between us that he loves him. The only problem being that he's still in denial. He'll find him and then he'll mellow out some. Then you'll have two trying to baby you and keep you safe instead of one person. Angels right? What good are we any but for guarding people?"

Sam's eyes were as huge as saucers and Gabriel turned and seemed to notice that Crowley was there. He just smirked knowingly as though this was nothing and all Sam could do was gulp and wonder if the demon could see Gabriel as plain as day like Sam could.

"Crowley is the demon you don't trust? Well he may have his own selfish reasons for helping you but if you told him that I fathered your baby boy he probably won't mess with you much. It's okay Sammy boy. He probably couldn't see me after all."

Sam looked at him in shocked silence and Gabriel sighed with a small smile.

"Maybe I decided to only show myself to you."

"Why? Dean would like to see you too-are you even real?" At Gabriel's knowing grin, Sam turned away from him and saw that Dean was back in and was walking towards them. The archangel had yet to disappear but the elder Winchester wasn't even showing signs of seeing him. Gabriel was the one that was probably instigating the fear that Sam felt at the pit of his stomach and he idly wondered why he kept believing what wasn't really there in the first place.

"Sam? Snap out of whatever funk you are in and listen to me." Sam turned to face his brother and hoped to God he'd give some sort of indication because he didn't think he could stand it if Gabriel was proven to be just a figment, a dream that proved that his mind couldn't handle the death of the archangel. He closed his eyes hoping to block everything out and almost jumped when Dean patted his cheek to get his attention.

"Sam? I said pay attention-"Sam noticed that Gabriel was once again gone and couldn't help it. He really tried but he couldn't help but hide his face on Dean's shoulder hoping he wouldn't witness one of his break downs. But being the bigger brother he was, the eldest just rubbed his back soothingly as though he knew but instead of getting mad, he pulled him closer and held him tight.

"Why?" he finally asked, his voice breaking. "Why does everyone we get close to die?"

"It's okay Sam," Dean told him reassuringly. "Let it out okay?"

And for the first time since Gabriel's death, Sam finally allowed himself to cry.

* * *

"Are we going to get this over with or am I going to make sure that you rot right along with me?" Brady seemed to be a little hesitant in the end but he did give up the information willingly once he found out about the hell hounds being on their tale and all. He really didn't want to be infiltrated with the traitor Crowley anyways. "Have fun love. Maybe in the future you'd realize what pests the Winchester bros can be."

Dean let the said demon out of the area before placing the rest of the salt on the ground thus trapping Brady in just like they had planned. Brady just smirked and laughed to a certain point especially when Sam started heading his way.

"Come on. You? Little Sammy Winchester? The one that didn't want to hunt with the family anymore and look what happened, you are back into hunting. Your daddy must be proud."

"I'd shut my mouth if I were you," Sam quipped and Brady just laughed.

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. Don't you realize how long I've been waiting to talk to you? Especially since you've tried to help who you thought was Brady all that time in school. I mean Jess was such a good girl to put up with you when we all know that she probably wasn't that great. You were pure hearted and she didn't mind doing what she did huh? But her only fault was loving you. See the pattern Sammy? You're mommy loved you, daddy loved you, Jess, Dean, and I guess you could say the one that made that little tyke loved you. Where is he though? I bet he's dead too."

"They just don't get it Sammy," Dean spoke up from where he was keeping watch. "All those angels and all those demons. All them son of a bitches."

"They don't," Sam agreed.

"We're the ones you should be afraid of Brady," Dean added.

Brady laughed.

"Really? I'd spend my time being afraid of the time you have left cause Lucifer, he's going to win. He's going to get his way and there is nothing you two could do about it. Maybe you could try but in the end we all know how it is going to turn out. With you two dead and Lucifer in power."

Sam allowed a sardonic smile to slip onto his lips at that.

"It could be, but you won't live to see any of it," he added and Brady laughed in disbelief.

"You mad? Maybe it's because of us demons yanking your chains. Ruby, yellow eyes, and me. We've really gotten underneath your blind spot kid but you only have yourself to blame. You ever wonder why? You have the same stuff in your veins but the real difference between you and all of us? Your Hell is right here-"Sam took the opportunity with Ruby's knife and watched as he flashed before his eyes before slumping back.

Tipping his head to the side, he couldn't help but think that even friends that he couldn't stand to die were either dying now or betraying him. Hell this one was a demon. He gave Dean a nod before heading to the car.

If he knew all of what Brady was talking about, he probably wouldn't be as calm as he was.

* * *

"Don't be that way."

Sam attempted to ignore Gabriel hoping that his heart wasn't going to explode. Breathing deeply, he tried to tell himself that none of this was real but it didn't help that he acted so much like himself and he was the same loveable person that Sam had found himself falling in love with in the beginning.

"Oh Sammy, I'm flattered. Really but we need to talk. I'm sure Dean isn't that mad. He's just going to get a drink and calm down since his brother is in a bad place. And believe me; he's in a bit of a bad place himself. His so-called girlfriend is calling him every two days wanting to see him and Cas is nowhere in sight. He'll be okay though. You know it and I know it. Dean will know it and he'll be happier when he finds him. At least you know where pestilence is right?"

Sam continued trying but with less determination as before. Gabriel hefted himself from leaning on the wall and stopped right in front of him.

"You really need to calm yourself baby boy. Okay so you think I'm not real so I must not be but that shouldn't mean you have to ignore me every single time I talk to you. For all you know I could know something-"

"You know everything I know because you are the figment in my mind telling me that I couldn't handle your death," Sam said, his biting his lip to keep it from quivering. "I broke because your death had been too painful for me and now I have you because my mind is making you seem real. And you look real in all except touch because I forgot how warm you feel."

He trailed off and Gabriel frowned.

"Really kiddo? We're going to be like this? Okay, but I know it's not me your mad at. Brady pissed you off seven ways from Monday and I should know, I could feel the anger radiating off you still. Brady introduced you to Jess but that isn't what angered you either. It couldn't be the baby that she aborted because that makes you sad, not angry. I mean the baby that could have been and you wanted. I get that it was the reason you never aborted baby numero dos. But baby I know what angers you so and it ain't going to get better if you don't admit it to yourself first."

"You know what angers me?" Sam asked, shaking with silent rage. "How about the fact that you're gone! You're not really here. You died at the hand of your older brother and I know. I felt it in my heart when you left me. I know you didn't want to look forward to the baby's birth but you didn't have to die. I didn't want to lose you too. I lost enough and I never thought I'd lose you, I didn't-"

He fought to remain in control and almost lost it when a sob broke out. Gabriel's eyes furrowed and he sighed. Getting closer, he watched Sam flinch visibly and allowed himself to feel guilty about it.

"God blessed your baby you know. Cas had no idea of knowing it and with the swirl of blue and gold, it's a huge deal. It's a way of saying that the baby is meant to be in case you didn't know. I bet you still have that necklace too even though Dean trashed it. You felt the presence then too but didn't say anything. I know you're hurting-"

"I know and I want to believe you. Believe me Gabe I need to believe that this just isn't something in my head but I just-I can't."

"I don't blame you kiddo. I do love you though and I've loved you for such a long time but denial is such an ugly thing. I didn't want to be in love and I didn't want to admit that I loved you. Well I guess you don't choose who you fall in love with because I was hit hard and ever since then I knew that there was nothing I would do for you, even if it ended with a confrontation from my bro. Dean was right though. He told me as long as you're still breathing; you and the baby are my responsibility. I do love you and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you and I'm sorry I'm gonna miss out. But most of all, I'm sorry because I loved you too much to say good-bye."

Sam's face was wet with tears by now and Gabriel didn't look like he was too dry himself. Sam took a deep breath and found that it was impossible for Gabriel to know some of that. If he was only a figment in his mind then he couldn't have been like this but he was proven wrong.

"How?"

Gabriel shrugged.

"You know how much I hate to talk about myself Sammy baby. I mean if I told you, you'd probably feel guilty so no, just know that I'm looking after you okay-"

He cut himself off and Sam silently cursed Dean's misfortune of walking in at the wrong time. Gabriel just smiled and wiped the tears away knowing that Sam had enough on his plate to worry about. Sam allowed the touch and shivered at how cold it was before it was removed.

"I do love you Sammy. Don't worry too much, worry about Dean and worry about Cas but not me. I'm doing what I should be and you should realize by now that there's nothing that I wouldn't give to make you happy again."

As the door started to open, Sam turned back and Gabriel winked.

"Don't fret Sam. I will always be looking after you."

With a snap of his fingers, Gabriel was gone. Dean was there though and Sam found himself horribly confused. Gabriel seemed to be unattached to his mind but the one thing that made him worry less about him was the fact that he didn't seem to be hurting him.

When the implications of his last sentence hit however, Sam couldn't help the sob that broke through. Dean paused from what he was doing and looked over in concern.

"Sammy are you okay?"

Sam nodded, not being able to say anything with the fear that he wouldn't be able to hold back then. Dean went over and Sam closed his eyes hoping that Dean would just leave him alone. Just for tonight. He didn't want to feel anything tonight and then he found himself enveloped in a tight hug, trapping him in place.

"Dean?"

"Sammy it's okay. I'm here and I am not going anywhere despite what Brady kept saying to you. I'm here and I won't stop looking after you alright? I know I haven't done a good job lately but I take it seriously Sammy. Nobody is going to hurt you on my watch okay?"

Sam finally burst out crying. Dean soothed him whilst rubbing his finger in circular motions on his back. Sam just couldn't help it though and once he started he found it hard to stop. Dean seemed understanding and Sam just couldn't hold anything back, he started to ramble and it took him all he could to stop once Dean started shushing him.

"So you've been seeing Gabriel? Even though he's like dead?" Sam nodded pathetically and Dean couldn't help it. He pulled him to him tighter. "Sammy, we don't know anything about angels but are you sure that a part of him still isn't with you? That's something I'd do if I were Gabriel and he loves you so it would stand to reason that he wanted you protected."

"I don't know but Dean how could he-"

"Think to do that?" Dean finished for him. Sam nodded and Dean sighed. "I don't know but then again that's love. You never know what you'd do in the name of it until it's all said and done and listen to me Sam. There isn't a thing that Gabriel would have denied even though he didn't like showing it. He loved you with everything in his being and even though he's gone, there's no reason for him to have stopped loving you. You're a good person and I see the reason he did so every day. So don't feel guilty, just be happy that you got what a lot of people are missing. You may not have had more time but a lot of people search for something like this and never find it ever. You not only found it but it hasn't died, it was only damaged. You'll get through this though, you always do. You're strong Sammy. Just believe in yourself."

Sam slowly let his eyes close shut but even though he knew Dean was trying to make him feel better, he couldn't understand why someone would love him that much. There were several factors that went into the apocalypse and everything but in the end, he could only wonder why anyone would see anything in him. Dean was wrong too because he wasn't a good person. He lied to him and trusted a demon against his better judgment. He didn't even say sorry over everything he had done and Gabriel paid the price for his actions. It didn't matter what anyone said either.

Everything was his fault.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Cas? Man it's great to hear your voice! Listen we found pestilence so get your feathery ass over here and I could explain what is going on-"

"I can't Dean, just-I can't."

Silence rang with his words. Sam was nearby listening silently with his hands crossed over his outstretched abdomen that nearly always had Dean wincing. How anyone could want to be that stretched even if it was with a baby they had made with someone still surprised him sometimes. It looked like it may hurt but then again he saw Sam take a shot to the shoulder and act like it was only a nuisance. A paper cut though always had the drama queen bitching and moaning however. He cut himself off thinking about the odds and the luck that caused Cas to finally call and let them know that he was alright. He hated that they hadn't known where the angel was even at and having to deal with the fact that at any time he could lose Sam all the while not having the angel nearby nearly destroyed him. He couldn't place it but at least he was safe as can be or not, if Cas's voice had anything to do with it.

"Why not?"

"Well they found me passed out in a shrimping boat after my fight with the other angels. I was told that my presence had troubled the sailors tremendously, the doctors thought I was brain dead for a while."

Dean made a note of that even though he surmised it had something to do with the vessel. If Cas didn't have an active brain wave when he was unconscious, Dean had an idea that it probably meant that Jimmy wasn't there any longer. It was a horrible thing to think of but Dean couldn't help but have his heart speed up at the thought that this was all Cas in that body and not Cas AND Jimmy. He took a deep breath and breathed slowly through his nose to calm his fast beating heart.

"So I take it you can't zap anywhere then?" At the silence on the other end Dean became annoyed. "Listen I have had it up to hear with everything right now! Gabriel's dead Cas but we have an idea that we could lock Lucifer back up in the cage if we use the rings from the horsemen-"

"And trap him how?" Cas asked and his voice seemed strained. Dean realized then that he had opened his big mouth and told him that his big brother was dead. It was like a punch that he probably would be experiencing soon with Sam being in his eighth month of pregnancy and all. The baby could come at any time now that he was thirty five weeks and survive with very little intervention. With Sam it was a wager to see if he would even survive long to see the little baby he selflessly carried for all this time.

"Uh, I can't I believe I've become human Dean," Dean heard a pause before Cas continued. "What happened to Gabriel? He couldn't have gone after someone or have an enemy, Dean how did my-how did Gabriel die?"

It was then that Dean realized that just like how Sam had hurt him multiple times in the past neither he nor Cas wanted their brothers out of their life. Cas didn't want to lose the brother that deserved a second chance to be there for him. Sure he was heartbroken and thought that all those years of Gabriel's abandonment had meant he hadn't cared for Cas at all but he came back and tried and Gabriel didn't have to do that. Dean knew that Gabriel would never do anything he wasn't forced to and yet he came back, tried to get Cas to forgive him and never gave up.

Dean found his throat constricting at the idea that like Cas, Dean was now facing the inevitable prospect of losing a brother; one who he didn't think realized the extent of his love.

"Cas, he faced off to Lucifer and he just-yeah he didn't make it but he gave us a video telling us how to stop him in the end. I know it doesn't-"

"Dean, in order to get to you and become of some assistance I'm going to need an airplane and ideally more pain medication of course. I don't think you would know how to help?" Dean knew a subject change when he saw one and quickly jumped onto it. Sam had stopped listening when the subject had been brought up and was busily making what looked like sandwiches.

"I'll get Bobby to wire you the money and then he's going to help us with this cause of ours. He's been angsting pretty badly since Gab-he got his legs working again, yeah."

There was a bit of a pause in which Dean heard Bobby swear at the thought of wiring in his opinion, 'the darned winged idjit' money but did so nonetheless.

"How's Sam doing? I know it has to be hard on him with the baby coming and all and then there's of course the pending birth and the fact that it probably isn't going to be something he is looking forward to now with him gone and all."

Dean had to agree although he didn't want to mention by phone the problem Sam had been experiencing. Occasionally he thought that Sam needed somebody to talk to and to realize that the death wasn't his fault and that it probably would have happened anyways but he knew enough was enough when Sam admitted to seeing the dead archangel. It just wasn't something that Sam should be going through but then there was also the possibility that it could have been Lucifer messing with his mind but Dean didn't want to worry Sam, he wanted to warn Cas and get an idea if that could be it.

"Fine Cas," he said instead. "Just fine. I'm thinking that we should catch up but first we'll meet you-"

"Dean," Cas quickly interrupted. "Do you really think that Sam would be alright to go with you?"

Dean shook his head and sighed glancing at Sam. Sam had that curious look on his face like he was wondering what they were talking about but wouldn't ask. He was glad for that at least and quickly wiped his sweaty hand on his pants. He was worried about both of them but one thing would never change and that was Cas's way of worming his way into Dean's life and staying in despite him-he wouldn't think that. He quickly coughed to cover up the groan he felt coming and instead of listening to Sam's huff, he instead listened to Cas's opinion.

"Pestilence is going to get everyone who gets close to him sick," Cas told him calmly although Dean knew he was anything but with the news of the death of his brother. "The best thing to do for your brother is to leave him home and either wait for me or bring Bobby."

Dean knew it was something he should do anyways and he agreed. He didn't want to risk the baby especially since the baby was this far developed.

"Okay Cas."

He couldn't get over the fact that he had finally talked to Cas and idly wondered what the feeling of longing came from. Cas was his best friend but no more than that so why was it that he felt like his heart had been literally on fire since Cas had been missing?

Either way he was glad to have him back.

* * *

"I'm not going to just stay at home," Sam quickly said as soon as Dean mentioned what Cas had told him.

"It's not up for discussion Sam," Dean just as quickly tried to put a stop to it. "The baby is your number one priority-"

"I'm not helpless either though. I could just stay a certain distance away from him Dean. Please don't do this, not after we are this close to getting Lucifer back into the cage," Sam begged helplessly knowing he wouldn't relent. "I'm coming even if I have to take my own method of transportation and you honestly couldn't want that-"

"THEN WHAT ARE WE FIGHTING FOR!"

Amongst the silence, Sam suddenly realized what it was that Dean was getting at and his eyes widened in shock. He shouldn't have pushed him but he was really tired of being babied and treated like he was fragile. He wasn't going to miss an opportunity to help as long as he could and that included backing up his brother. He just couldn't do it. He had to stop Dean from all this, he had a responsibility to also look after his older brother. It was a two-way street after all and Dean always took care of him no matter how much he screwed up.

Dean continued just as angrily and Sam stayed quiet although he winced a couple of times.

"WHY THE HELL ARE WE FIGHTING FOR EVERYTHING? THE BABY? GABRIEL? CAS? I'M LOSING YOU IN LESS THAN A MONTH AND I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS TO PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU BUT TO RISK THE THING THAT IS THE REASON I'M LOSING YOU IN THE BEGINNING IS JUST STUPID! YOU CAN'T DO THAT BECAUSE YOU CHOSE THE BABY SAM! YOU CHOSE THE BABY AND IN THE END IT'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE THE BABY AND WHAT THE BABY CAUSED! YOU THINK I LIKE TO THINK OF MY BROTHER'S BABY THAT WAY? WELL TOUGH LUCK BECAUSE EVEN IF IT WASN'T MEANT TO HAPPEN, MY NEPHEW IS GOING TO KILL MY BROTHER!"

"I-"

"Save it Sam. I am tired up to here with listening about you complaining. I put up with everything that you've done and not once have I ever told you just how much of a screw up you are but in the end, I admit it. You are a screw up and because of your screw ups all this had to happen and you act like you don't regret a single thing. What am I gonna do Sam? What am I gonna do?"

Sam was silent for a moment before starting up with a gulp, anticipating his brother to yell at him some more afterwards but he knew he had this coming. Dean forgot about things and it was bound to eat at him alive, especially now.

"You only care about me though Dean," Sam said looking down at where his feet were obscured by his enlarged stomach. "I'm not saying you don't but you haven't showed signs of even caring about the baby. You're right though, this is your nephew and he's going to be here even if I don't make it. I need to at least know that he's not going to be rotting away somewhere and isolated, I may have chosen the baby, but he is the only thing good that came out of this. You'll see. When you see him you'll understand why I chose for him to live."

"I honestly have had trouble seeing that lately Sam," Dean finally replied honestly and Sam looked up in shock. "I try and I try but I don't think I could love him. Possibly not at all because looking at him every day, I'm gonna see you and I can't do that."

Sam could only control himself enough not to cry, it already felt like he had been punched in the chest and it was excruciating pain that reminded him that Dean had actually said those words. He bit back a retort though and nodded. The baby still had Bobby and the baby still had Cas to look after him, he was silly to try to make Dean take on something he wanted even though he hadn't wanted to think of anyone else.

"I'm still going," Sam finally said when he found his voice again.

This time Dean didn't try to stop him.

This time Dean didn't say anything.

There was nothing else to say.

* * *

It was the hardest thing that Dean thought he was going to do. Something in his head said that he should just skip this and spend the most he could with his brother but he ignored it on the principle of reasoning. They needed the rings and they needed Lucifer gone. Once he was then they could worry about the other problems. Sam was surprisingly quiet on the way there although Dean could tell through the back view mirror that he was having trouble sleeping again. Bobby gave him a look and Dean knew that Bobby was just as worried about Sam as he was. It wasn't that he hated the baby but the facts were the facts and he couldn't take them away, not even a little bit.

By chance maybe Sam would make it another day and they would have a chance to make sure he made it through. It was when thoughts got this morbid that Dean wished Gabriel was here again. Gabriel wasn't perfect and he made mistakes but he tried and Cas wasn't happy about losing him either. Maybe if Gabriel survived then Sam could, he thought depressingly.

"Are you really going to act this way Dean?"

Dean's head snapped up and Bobby let out a long sigh. It was this time that he realized that Sam had finally fell asleep although it had to be rather awkward sleeping on his side like that with his belly being as big as it was but Dean didn't know and he would never be pregnant. Never say never he thought grimly, thinking that Sam must have thought the same thing and now he was going to have a baby.

"How am I acting any which way?"

Bobby rolled his eyes.

"Okay you idjit feign stupid but you do realize that you keep digging yourself deeper and deeper with these words and you won't ever be able to take them back. I know you hate it and you are mad that Sam decided to keep the baby but Dean you have to be real. If Sam dies how are you going to feel saying all those things to him? I'm not a moron either Dean and I know that it won't be easy. Sometimes I wish he never even got pregnant but we can't take that back now and we're stuck with it. Isn't it you that told Gabriel to take responsibility for his boyfriend and baby? Well maybe it's time to realize that you should have all along-"

"And what's that Bobby? That baby shouldn't even be alive. The angels were saying miscarriage was imminent and then all of a sudden we have my brother with his stomach being the size of a basketball with a baby that he shouldn't have been able to carry this far. They end in death and what if he does go all the way through and the baby dies too then who do I have?"

"Well for one you have Me and Cas is here. Lisa is a great help too so tell me what you think son. Do you really think you could bottle all this up and make Sam feel lower than dirt and then have something happen to him or are we going to take that away and be civil and understanding until this passes us by?"

"Bobby I just can't lose Sam," Dean finally admitted. "I can't. I thought I could deal with it because if Sam could go four months without me then I ought to suck it up and realize that there's a lot more that I could have lost and yet I hadn't. I can't go through with it because there's no way I could handle going through that again. I can't lose Sam again Bobby."

There was silence in the car for a moment with the only sound being Sam's soft snores in the back seat. Bobby had to admit that if everything happened as the angels said it would, he would really miss the kid, there was no doubt about that. Of course there was the baby that Sam chose to carry, the one he wouldn't abort and that baby had to mean something too. He swallowed thickly hoping that if Sam went that Dean would at least be able to cope unlike Sam when Dean had gone to hell. Those four months felt like years without Dean and if that was indication of how things would be, he didn't want to have to think about Dean having to go without Sam.

"Sam couldn't do it. Those four months he thought about revenge and that was it, allowing that demon to manipulate him into thinking she was helping him achieve it. I don't pretend to say that Sam should have listened when you told him that but by the time you came back to hell, Sam's only vice had been the revenge and he didn't give a damn about his life. At least now there's a baby he'll leave behind."

"Awesome," Dean finally said sarcastically. "I guess that's a projection of how it's going to be without Sammy. And the thing is I can't promise that I won't try a deal to bring him back again because I'll try everything in the books and then some."

Bobby nodded.

Dean stared ahead finally realizing the impact this was going to have a few short weeks and he didn't think he could handle that.

So he wasn't going to.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

A flash of brimstone fire made Sam's breath pick up. Coming to rather groggily, he knew he had to be still asleep and if not, he was having a vision he hadn't had in such a long time that it was like experiencing it for the first time again. His eyes widened seeing flashes of people getting burnt alive until he found himself in what looked like it used to be a city. The whole thing was in ruins and seemed to be nothing that was left unaffected. His eyes nearly popped out when he saw another version of himself who looked a bit older than himself. He was pretty sure he was gaping as well.

"What-What's going on?" Sam barely managed.

The other Sam was looking at his rounded stomach with something like longing and for a second, Sam had assumed that he entered what looked like the twilight zone. Weird things always happened in that show and yet things always happened to either him or Dean so he knew that this wasn't much of a stretch as his life had usually been lately.

"I'm you," the other Sam just said.

Sam wished that he made up his mind and told him more. The other Sam looked several years older than him and had a makeshift bandage around his hand. Sam took a deep breath to keep from asking what the hell happened here. Was it something that hit globally and he found himself wondering what the hell happened to have caused this.

"I bet you're wondering what the hell happened to this place?" The other Sam asked.

Sam nodded sheepishly realizing that he would have never gotten to that point if left to ask it himself. The other Sam just smiled sadly as though it was something that he got used to a long time ago. Sam couldn't think of himself getting far too used to loss, killing things was getting hard these days knowing that he had a half angel growing inside of him. What if the creature wasn't hurting others? He couldn't make a decision to kill the thing like he had been raised to if the creature was good.

"I'm Sam Winchester and getting a good look at you, I'm being led to believe that you're not from my time line at all." At Sam's confused look, the other Sam just shrugged. "I never got pregnant and I believe that in your time line you probably admitted to loving the one thing I wished I cherished when I did."

Sam found himself nodding and his mouth was dry at the thought of not having known the kind of love he did have before losing it. It was okay though because he still loved him so much. This other Sam would never know the kind of pain he had losing Gabriel but he would never know the love that Sam still had. He still loved Gabriel with his whole heart and was actually grateful for the time he did have.

Other Sam sighed.

"Well things happened the way we planned. We got the rings and I chose to say yes to Lucifer so that we could get him back into the cage. It didn't work as well as I hoped I guess. My fault though-I'm sorry we both set Lucifer free, there was no reason not to do what I did. I sent Lucifer back to the cage and Michael came along-"

"Adam was punished as well?" Sam blurted out before he could stop himself. He put a hand over his head as he got flashes of what looked like hell and knew there wasn't a time he had been in hell but flashes of his skin burning so bad his skin fell off? Meat hooks? He could never imagine the extent of the torture the other Sam had gone through. "So you got what we deserved. What happened next."

"Everything," Other Sam explained shortly. "There was a civil war in heaven and Castiel really tried to stop it but he went about it the wrong way. He opened the gate purgatory and ended up releasing vicious monsters known as the leviathans. Those creatures eventually led to Dean going to purgatory for a whole year and even then we couldn't stop fighting. It's not good. Eventually people found out, ordinary ones who didn't hunt and they freaked. The government likes to control everything so when they got involved, this was the result. Things went nuclear. People running for their lives. Hell the Croatian virus made a comeback and Dean."

Other Sam paused and Sam shook his head. Something happened to Dean and he wasn't willing to allow himself to believe how far it would have gotten in the end. He couldn't go through losing Dean again and yet he realized that he was doing the same to him. A burning sensation in his chest let him know that there was no way that he could make his brother understand because in the end he knew they both couldn't go through another second without the other brother alive. But Dean still had Castiel, he told himself. He still had the angel and if he ever got his head out of the clouds and wasn't at Lisa's beck and call, he'd see it.

"Dean couldn't go on. He already lost Castiel to Purgatory and if you really want to think about it, we lost Bobby. We lost a bunch of people but you know how love is and I don't think Dean ever stopped regretting not loving Cas when he could."

"And I suppose he was stuck with Lisa?" Sam found himself asking.

Other Sam laughed but it didn't sound happy at all. His other self was so cold and Sam realized if it had been any other way, he could have ended up the same way.

"He had her forget him after Crowley sent his goons to try to distract us so he could get to the souls for his own reasons. I being the brother I thought I was didn't want Dean alone after my plan to jump into the pit to stop Lucifer. I shouldn't have made him promise that because he tried so hard but he always loved Castiel. I think it was at first sight too although he never saw that-"

"I knew," Sam quickly interrupted. At the other Sam's look, he continued clearing his throat. "I know they both do. Just like we both loved Gabriel. It seems the only difference between us is the regret. But I know the one thing that will cheer Dean up is Cas and there is no one else he has ever loved greater-"

"Stupid," Other Sam said with such disdain that Sam paused to blink. "He loves us. He watched over us all his life. Don't expect him to be happy because if he lost us then the pain would be blinding compared to any other pain in the world."

"But he loves Cas too," Sam pointed out.

"He loved us first," Other Sam retorted with a cold calculating smile.

Sam nodded but that didn't make him feel any better. Before he could say anything else, he grabbed at his head as flashes of people screamed in his head. The sound of bombs going off and of fires stemming from buildings made anything he ever seen look pitiful in comparison. Blood, gore, and every injury he couldn't even imagine flashed before his eyes. Other Sam was gone and before him stood someone else and Sam found his breath catch in his throat.

"Hello Sam I am. Did you miss me?"

"Gabriel?" Sam couldn't stop himself, he flung himself at the archangel and cried. Despite his best efforts, he knew Gabriel wasn't really there and that did nothing to stop the shaking of his shoulders as he sobbed against the love of his life.

Ever the comforter, Gabriel seemed to understand and just held him.

There was nothing else he could do.

* * *

"Sam!"

Sam looked up spooked but found himself back in the car. He shot Dean a grateful look and hugged him close, tightly as though he might break. Dean sighed into the hug but that didn't stop him from dropping a small kiss to his temple and ruffling his hair up.

"Come on Samantha," he said lightly and went to get up. Sam held on tight. "Sam-"

"Listen Dean, I want to talk," Sam quickly told him.

Dean looked annoyed already but Sam wasn't going to let that stop him now.

"I know you must hate what I'm doing. I know it."

"Well you could always let go-"

Sam shook his head, pulling all the more tighter until Dean seemed to give up and allowed Sam to hug up to him. He gave him a look without saying that this better be the last chick flick they had in a while and Sam nodded grateful for the chance.

"I know I'm going to die and nothing will be compared to the idea of losing me. I know you don't think you could accept your nephew afterwards and I understand Dean," Sam quickly continued before Dean could cut in like he wanted. "I'm so sorry that it has to be this way but I'm never saying yes to Lucifer. I'm not. I wish I could say I'm not comforted by the idea that it's me instead of you but I am. I knew that there was going to be a risk when Lucifer was set free that I wouldn't be here at some point. Hell I wasn't really thinking about surviving after I killed Lilith actually and the fact that I'm alive now says so much. But I want a promise."

"Sam how could you think so little of me?" Dean asked and even though he looked mad, he knew anger had nothing to do with it. "I love you Sam. You're the little brother I got to see grow up to do great things. Okay, so Lucifer and Lilith. Hell even Ruby wasn't so great but you have done great things and you are head strong. You can stand up for yourself. When you were away at college I knew that you were safe but I couldn't relate to anyone. I can't relate to anyone but you and to have you gone-"

He cut himself off and quickly did so to control the overwhelming urge to cry. Still it was more emotion that Sam has seen since the death of their father. Even when he was talking about Hell it wasn't like this. He sighed into Dean's shoulder and Dean continued after a moment's pause.

"I'm not going to have much left and I'm losing you. I know the baby isn't at fault but it's not supernatural so I can't just go and blame a demon or some other ugly ass thing and that's what's got me in a rut. For so long I thought that dad choosing revenge over being a father was really selfish of him. I never spoke of it but I basically raised you and now I realize what he's been going through all those years. The only difference is that I don't have the revenge. What will I do? Huh Sammy? You are my world, the one I've always relied on and-"

"I know," Sam finally said tearfully. " I know but can you try to love the baby? Can you? You and Cas are godparents and I knew without a doubt there would be no one else-"

Dean nodded, cutting him off.

"I will Sammy. I'll try to love the baby with all my heart. Just do me a favor and don't give up okay?"

Sam nodded enthusiastically and Dean smiled although Sam knew it was put in place for him.

"That's my boy. Now let's go."

* * *

Sam cursed.

Dean had already left with Bobby and Sam was to stay behind to wait for Cas in case he came to the meeting point. He knew that Dean couldn't wait much longer since this was the meeting point for Pestilence and if he left, they'd have no idea where he was. He fought to break the word he had given that he would stay here and instead opened the lap top to see what he could look up that looked worthy of their attention.

"Dean is not going anywhere so don't worry. Nothing bad will happen to him with Cas coming to get him and he has Bobby. You think that he will honestly allow any harm to come to himself now that he knows you need someone to be there for you? Come on, it'll be okay baby."

Sam looked wistfully at the Gabriel manifestation, recalling his dream. It was more like a nightmare but the thing that hadn't changed at all was one of them was going to die. This time it wasn't going to be Bobby, Cas, and definitely not Dean if Sam could help it.

"I think you're worried about Dean so much because it means that you don't have to focus on yourself so much," Gabriel continued. "That's what you're doing. You don't care about yourself as long as you don't have to focus it but the truth? You are deadly terrified of the idea of dying. You go on and on about giving the baby life and choosing to let our son live but the thing is, you know it's gonna hurt to do it."

Sam shook his head and quickly tried to bury himself in his research although he caught a glimpse of the frown Gabriel liked to sport when he was upset with something. He quickly took a deep breath to calm himself down. Dean wasn't going to die and he wasn't going to think about what could possibly happen in the next couple of weeks-only Gabriel was absolutely right, he realized with sudden dawning.

He didn't want to die.

He was terrified of it. He never thought it would happen to him. He never even thought that he would become pregnant with a baby he could come to love so much and yet not even met yet but he had done that too. He loved his baby and he thought that would be enough but the thing was, he wasn't concentrating on himself, and he was too busy trying to make sure Dean would be alright. He had to make Dean see that he loved Cas and always had. He had to make sure that Dean didn't feel anything akin to anger with him about what happened. Everything was Dean, Dean, Dean.

He was focusing on anything but himself.

He let out a huge gulp of air as he remembered what not only Gabriel had told him but Castiel. He would most likely die right after the birth and the baby-God the baby normally didn't even survive past three hours after birth. There was never anything else. Why was Gabriel trying to get him to see this reasoning of all times. He felt a slight kick in his lower abdomen and held his hands around his stomach. He didn't want to lose him, didn't want him to die.

The baby was his entire purpose for this and whether he died or not, the baby was the one that had to make it.

He was terrified but knowing that the baby would survive made everything he was doing worth it. The baby would help with Cas and Dean. The baby would help with easing them out of the pain and heartache. And last but not least, only the baby would remind Dean what life would be like if he didn't have to hunt and raised a family. He would be so much happier with Cas and a baby of his own even if he couldn't carry it himself.

Grabbing a towel and wiping at his face, he knew it was the hardest thing he was ever going to do.

But it was worth it.

Gabriel's baby was worth everything.

His cell phone rang, making him jump before snatching it up and answering it.

"Sam here."

"Sam? Where's Dean?"

It was Cas.

Sam tried to control himself and his reactions knowing that Cas didn't need to be worried and focused instead on explaining where Dean and Bobby had went. He promised so Dean had told him the location so he was happy that Cas was actually almost there and on a bus so that he didn't have to worry about Cas potentially crashing a vehicle. Nothing against the angel but he couldn't drive a car nonetheless even attempt to operate one.

"Sam, Pestilence is vigilant. I'm getting there as soon as I could but you don't realize what he could do and-"

"I'm on it," Sam quickly interrupted. He couldn't let his brother get hurt no matter what promise he kept.

"Sam think about it for a second. Dean wanted you protected and if you do anything, Dean will be mad-"

"Dean is with Bobby and could be suffering right now Cas. I should have known that and made him take me with. He and Bobby are the only family I have left and I can't lose that!"

"What about you?" Cas sounded irritated and Sam could see the line of worry even though it wasn't portrayed. Seeing it for what it was made things easier.

"Cas Dean is my brother. I would really like to think of you as a potential brother-in-law even if Dean hasn't gotten a clue yet. I just want this all to end and for things to stop taking advantage of my remaining family. I want you to go straight to this address I'm going to give you. If you don't see me, head right inside okay?"

There was a pause and then-

"You see me as someone who could be good for your brother Sam?"

Sam nodded and added, "Could? I know Cas and that won't change a million years from now because I'll always think the same. The question is could you promise me something?"

Cas sounded restricted but he of course gave the affirmative making Sam breathe easier.

"It's going to be hard on him when-when I'm gone and I know you are the second most person-angel that he trusts and I just want you to promise me that you will be there for him. Be there for him when I can't-"

"I can't do that Sam. You need to think and-"

"And what? The baby is born and I die. That's the end of the story right? No and I know it. You know it too. Dean is going to hate life and I just need you to show him how pleasant it could be when I'm not there. Love him a little extra for me. Give him my love and take care of him okay Cas?"

Cas seemed to take forever but finally, he seemed to be agreeing with him much to Sam's relief.

"I promise you Sam. Dean won't be harmed. You have my word." There was a slight pause before he continued. "I'll meet you there but Sam be careful, you aren't having the baby yet-"

"If anything Cas I love you too. Not like you love Dean or Dean loves you but as a brother. I love you like a brother."

He hoped Cas didn't call him on anything when he got there, Sam hoped as he ended the call. Because underneath all the fake confidence he realized that there was going to be a time where they will truly be fine. It broke him up because they should be more than fine but he also knew it would take time.

Time that wasn't on his side.


End file.
